[Ashley.]

I've had and seen a few different debates today about parenting styles, and the extent to which the child's life should be controlled by the parent(s). Some parents give a considerable amount of autonomy to their children, allowing them to sleep when they want or partake in certain activities when they want. Other parents may give little autonomy, such as a fixed day-to-day routine or excluding the child from being able to make decisions on their life. But of course it's a lengthy spectrum.

I'd say I fell into the latter bracket when I was a child, I did what I was told and as a result was quite timid until I got to the age where I was allowed to make my own decisions. But within this bracket I learned to respect others, to hear other people and pretty much developed a "just get on with it" attitude which has been a major driving force in my later life. And I still see the positive in having considerable autonomy - one argument I've seen is that a child should be allowed to make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes. Perhaps learning about the consequences of bad decision-making in the early stages of our lives allows us to practice thinking more rationally and staying on the right path. Likewise I see the disadvantages of having little autonomy - it may often lead to a child reacting negatively later on to having a lack of control over their own lives, developing a "power trip" type personality when they are eventually given the opportunity to do what they want, because they may not have learned about consequences.

There are a few interesting articles I've seen today, too. For example this article discusses a type of parent called a lawnmower parent:

Lawnmower parents are compared to the gardening tool because they cut down any obstacle that could stand in their child’s way. Notably, this is a parent who may no longer have the ability or access to remove their child from a problematic situation, therefore they do their “mowing” from a distance.

“At the college level, the physical presence required to hover may be limited, so we are now observing a different parenting style,” Karen Fancher, a professor at Duquesne University’s School of Pharmacy, wrote in the Pittsburgh Mom Blog. “These are the parents who rush ahead to intervene, saving the child from any potential inconvenience, problem or discomfort.”

It also creates a counter argument that children should be given the opportunity to make their own mistakes and grow from them:

“Growing up is about learning to continuously adapt to new and more challenging situations,” says Dr. Jillian Roberts, founder of Family Sparks and an associate professor at the University of Victoria.

“When parents deprive their children of opportunities to practise these skills, their parenting is actually detrimental to their kids. In fact, what they are communicating is: ‘I do not think you are capable of handling this on your own.'”

She says the best thing to do is to allow kids to handle most day-to-day challenges on their own, like ordering their own food at a restaurant or packing their own suitcase. This is how they learn.

That said, she also understands a parent’s knee-jerk reaction to jump in to shield a child from threats that the child hasn’t previously faced.

“Parents have to guide their children past obstacles that they themselves likely never lived through — online bullying, social media pressures, stumbling onto pornography, etc. It is understandable that parents would want to pull their children more tightly into their embrace,” she says.

However, she says there are other ways to help them adapt. Namely, by giving them chores and responsibilities.

“Whenever possible, give your children authentic and meaningful opportunities to make decisions. Little ones can choose what they wear; older ones can choose where you go on family vacations,” Roberts says. “Ease into the sharing of power by offering two to three choices.”

By doing this, you’re setting your child up with a sense of autonomy as well as teaching them that their decisions matter. And even if they fail at a task, allowing them to do so will help build strength and resilience.

So how much "freedom" should a young child have? What factors of a child's life should be controlled, e.g. friendship circles, sleeping routine, outdoor activities? I thought this would be an interesting topic to discuss as I've seen so many different arguments and very little 'wrong answers'.