[Z]

Chapter One

Jonathan couldn’t quite believe the irony of the situation. He too had woken up, utterly confused, and much like Jen, James, Shaun and all the others in the same predicament, he had quickly realised what he had to do. The irony of his situation was, he felt, taking the biscuit. Everyone had been given a different kind of weapon. James had Molotovs, Jen had a knife, Caitlin had a sniper, although Jonathan had not met any of these people yet.

What Jonathan had been given was a firewire. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with it at first, but then eventually he supposed he would have to use it as some kind of garrotte and choke anyone he came across. Sphincter. Jonathan is underage, by the way, I could probably get arrested for those comments. In fact, Jonathan did not have a firewire, he had a reeeally huge gu- oh for crying out loud. Firewire it is then. Jonathan had spent at least an hour wandering through the jungle, with no luck at finding anyone else. He had immediately recognised Emily on the photo, how could he not, she was the love of his virtual life. He wondered if she missed home, or school (wait...), like he was beginning to. He didn’t like being in this jungle. He didn’t want to kill people. Jonathan began to frown, and felt a pang of depression. At that exact instant, Jonathan disintegrated into dust. Ross, in a gigantic robot exo skeleton, had just fired a heat ray at Jonathan, thus eliminating him from the game (and a subtle hint to **** TiBB!)

Ross’ exo skeleton was by far the coolest weapon in the game. He was indestructible, he had a heat ray that could make things disappear, and he was destined to be a moderator. He continued to stalk through the forest, trying to seek out someone else to kill (btw Jonathan, don’t leave TiBB, I think you’re great :P) and was, therefore, stunned when he felt a dent to the back of his exo skeletal skull. He turned around, wondering what on earth it could have been, when he received a similar dent to the visor of his exo skeleton. A crack appeared in it, and his vision was now splintered. Ross fired his heat ray in the general direction of where he thought it had come from, although what ‘it’ was, he did not know. He flipped up his visor in order to see better, and realised that it was Twilight with a harpoon gun.

“Emily!” Ross bellowed, firing numerous shots at her. She dodged them all with grace and finesse.

“Ross! I saw what you did to Jonathan, and I’m not happy!”

“Don’t make me hurt you Emily!” Ross shouted, as she fired another harpoon at him.

“You killed my boyfriend!” Emily shrieked at him, as Ross sent another heat ray at her, which she jumped over.

“You fired a harpoon at my head!”

“My career’s been put on hold because of this!” Emily, aka Twilight Twitty (new single out on the 19th of October btw yeah) retorted.

“But think of the story you could sell to the magazines! Welshman in robot suit, with nice hair, killed the love of my life in horrific heat ray fight. It’d do wonders for your single sales!” Ross fired one more shot at Emily, who easily evaded the shot, and ceased fire on Ross.

“You know, you’re right...” Emily agreed. “I think we could be onto something here, Ross, let’s say we call it a truce for now and work the details of this thing out?”


Elsewhere, a battle hardened warrior sat sharpening his spear (Conor, I’m not even kidding, stop it). He was a gentleman, a scholar, and a knight. A knight of the Brotherhood. Andy had admittedly been scared when he first realised the gravity of the situation, as had everybody else, but he had regained his cool far faster than any of the rest of them. He had been given a spear and a shield – a little old fashioned, some might say, but it meant he had protection from long distance weapons, and a form of attack for up close fights.

He had already been involved in a four way (I’m not even going to bother) fight with MarkWaldorf, GhettoSuperstar and Darenn, but Andy had been intimidated by their sheer fierceness and had run away (from those nagging gay thoughts, eh Andy? Yeah you know what I’m talking about.), not because he had been overwhelmed, but because they had ganged up on him (Conor, I swear to God if you even start thinking about gang rape, I’m going to castrate you in your sleep. NO, THAT ISN’T SEXUAL EITHER. STOP!) and he valued his life, he wasn’t going to fight silly battles.

He was disappointed in himself for running away, but then he supposed that any sensible member of the Brotherhood would have done likewise. He had been plotting his revenge on the threesome (...) for hours now, and he had finally come up with a plan that would work. He had seen Lauren traipsing around with a mace, but she had looked tired and fatigued, so Andy had tracked her and had found her sleeping on the ground. He tied her up, which had, of course, woken her. She had screamed at first, but she realised that Andy wasn’t trying to kill her, or rape her, or do anything harmful to her, all he seemed to be doing was messing up her appearance. He had smeared mud across her face (I need to stop setting up these jokes, although admittedly they are totally win) and he’d messed up her hair, he’d ripped her clothes, and while it was weird, she no longer felt like she was in immediate danger.

Lauren currently lay some ten feet away from Andy, in the middle of a clearing. Andy had told her what to do, and while it confused her, she was going to do it. She wasn’t sure why – this guy had tied her up, but she trusted him enough to do what he said. He gave her the signal, and then he slipped behind a tree.

“GOSSIP GIRL XOXO!” Lauren shouted at the top of her voice, the sound echoing through the trees. And then, from nowhere, appeared MarkWaldorf.

“Gurl wut?” He looked at her like she was mad. “You’re not Doug?”

“I’m here!” GhettoSuperstar called, entering the clearing.

“Well then who the hell called our codeword?” Mark sounded puzzled.

“Why did it have to be Gossip Girl xoxo? I wanted Sam Sparro.” Darenn appeared.

“Well, stupid, if it was Sam Sparro, then Sam! might have heard the Sam part and appeared too, and then it wouldn’t have worked. God Darenn, you’re so stupid.” (If none of you immediately get that Mean Girls reference, you’re getting a kick in the face.)

“I called your code word.” Lauren said quietly.

“Why? Wait, Lauren, is that you?!” Mark asked.

“Yep.”

“But... but you’re such a mess! A hot mess!”

“All part of my plan!” Andy emerged from behind the tree he had been hiding behind, looking victorious.

“Oh wut.” Doug gulped theatrically.

“And now, I’m going to kill all of you, and get one step closer to the mod spot I’ve always deserved! The Brotherhood needs more moderators within its ranks.”

“Not before I kill them first!” Sam! suddenly appeared behind Mark, using the baseball bat he had for a weapon (heh, that’s kind of one as well, isn’t it?) to restrict Mark’s movements. Similarly, behind Darenn stood Nicky, who used a poster of McFly to the same effect, and behind Doug was Christina, who was using the strap of a digital camera.

“What! You can’t kill them! I want to kill them!” Andy stamped his foot in annoyance. “It’s not fair, I planned this whole set up!”

“Well you snooze or you lose, and I do not do either.” Sam stated matter of factly.

“But it’s not fair!” Andy looked sad.

“Lool!” Sam replied, but what he meant, nobody was sure.

“How did you get Lauren to agree to this? That’s ridiculous! She just let you mess up her hair?!” Mark shouted at Andy.

“Well, to be fair, I’ve already been a moderator, I don’t really want to be one again.” Lauren shrugged her shoulders. “I mean, it’s not like I want to die, I’m just not really wanting to be a mod again, you know?”

Everyone looked at her in disbelief.

“What!” The unanimous response of outrage echoed through the jungle.

“You know what it’s like, you try something once, you don’t need to try it again. It’s not even that great, I mean if I was still a mod, I’d have to give Sam, Christina and Nicky warnings for being abusive to other members and one to Andy for trying to fix the game...”

Meanwhile, in the branches of the tree that Andy had hidden behind, was the mysterious sixteenth participant of the game. He had stayed quiet so far, merely watching the movements of the people beneath him. He was beginning to get impatient, being up there in the foliage, and started to feel a little bit Dezzy...

End of Chapter One.