[Ammi]

....I do think that you need to be firm, Vicky..and very consistent, sort of not trying different things, or should I say doing different things to placate her but everyone, whether it be you, your partner, her grandparents etc all having that same consistency and doing the same thing..it's not being hard, it's giving her structure so giving her security...different actions each time doesn't give her that security...and from what you say, what she knows is by her actions, she can gain your attention...whether it be positive or negative attention, it's equally good to her at her age...

...sorry I don't have a lot of time so only skim read some of your posts and I think your mum is right to an extent but I also think that ..(because you've been quite poorly recently..?..)...some of her behaviour apart from the terrible twos/threes bit could be that she's a very worried little girl, which is not something she's able to communicate, other than behaving in a way that will get your attention...you, your family etc aren't the only influences in her life and all it would take is for someone with good intentions to say something like...mummy will be fine, mummy will be home soon and stuff like that, when you were in hospital...but then, she senses that mummy's not fine or mummy didn't come home when she thought she would..you know, etc, etc...so maybe a very anxious and worried little girl because she obviously loves her mum...so firm and structure/consistency, I think yeah, but reassurance as well...reassuring in a way that you feel that she's understood but always being truthful as well...mummy may have to go back into hospital etc but daddy and grandma are going to be here....sorry this is rushed, I hope it makes sense...her understanding at her age is quite a bit but her communication is much less than that understanding and there many frustrations with that, that will project in tantrum type stuff but there might be a reason of anxiety for that from her beyond a phase and because of what your whole family have been through recently....


...anyways, I always think it's the weirdest thing for healthcare visitors or whatever to comment on a home with children being a mess because of toys everywhere etc...yes it's chaos but it would worry me more and be more of a concern if all of the toys and stuff were in neat boxes and looked as though there wasn't enough play in the house...toys everywhere is the sign of a playing and imaginative child../a good thing....