[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Shasown

Could be because he doesnt have a woman and unless he undertakes a major shift in attitude is unlikely to ever have one either.

[SoBig]

Originally Posted by icecakes

And when he got found out ,he went running off with his tail between hi leg,s
look whoes got the upper hand now hilary

Hardly. His biggest fear was losing his job as president and being known as a cheater. Hilary is very much replaceable. Like every other woman out there. Make no mistake about that.

[WOMBAI]

Originally Posted by SoBig

Hardly. His biggest fear was losing his job as president and being known as a cheater. Hilary is very much replaceable. Like every other woman out there. Make no mistake about that.

Men are equally replaceable - make no mistake about that!

As I already mentioned - and educated woman makes her own rules and is answerable to noone!

[Scarlett.]

Originally Posted by WOMBAI

As I already mentioned - and educated woman makes her own rules and is answerable to noone!

Shame there isn't many of them around then


Oooooooooooooooooooooh burned

[Mystic Mock]

bitch fight between chewy and wombai.

[Scarlett.]

lol xD

[WOMBAI]

Originally Posted by jedward fever

bitch fight between chewy and wombai.

As he made such a ridiculous remark - as universities, including my own, are full of women - it wasn't worth responding to!

[Scarlett.]

As an 'educated woman' you should realise I was joking and it wasn't a serious remark

[BB_Eye]

Originally Posted by Shasown

Fear of failure of the relationship, moving on, the unknown, hope that the person they fell in love with will resurface, hope they can change the person or the person will change themselves. Its very rarely about love,

Love is just the excuse to avoid moving out and on.

I think if you've been in a loveless relationship, from the POV of the person taking the abuse, the experience of leaving them can be more therapeutic than lonely. The truth is, for all that time you were with them, you were alone anyway.

[brian3]

Originally Posted by WOMBAI

Well said! The expression - "behind every great man, there is an even greater woman" doesn't come from nowhere - it is based on fact, like many other expressions!

These days, however, more and more women are not content with being a backseat driver - and want to be in the front seat - we will see a lot more women leaders in the future!

and of course everyone loved Thatcher

[WOMBAI]

Originally Posted by brian3

and of course everyone loved Thatcher

Of course everyone loved Blair, Brown and Cameron! Your point?

If you want to be popular - you don't go into politics!

[housemate]

Originally Posted by WOMBAI

Men are equally replaceable - make no mistake about that!

As I already mentioned - and educated woman makes her own rules and is answerable to noone!

......'and educated women makes her own rules' Looks like you just ruled yourself out then, hoist by your own petard ... lol! Who the heck is noone anyway ... is that who you are answerable to? If you meant 'no one' .. well, that explains alot about your philosophy And your posts!

[InOne]

Everyone is answerable to someone and nobody can make their own rules.

[WOMBAI]

Originally Posted by housemate

......'and educated women makes her own rules' Looks like you just ruled yourself out then, hoist by your own petard ... lol! Who the heck is noone anyway ... is that who you are answerable to? If you meant 'no one' .. well, that explains alot about your philosophy And your posts!

Oh a typo - what a disgrace! I have noticed plenty of grammatical errors in your offerings - so wouldn't be so patronising if I were you!

[WOMBAI]

Originally Posted by InOne

Everyone is answerable to someone and nobody can make their own rules.

I meant within the confines of a relationship! A woman with a decent job that pays a decent salary - is free to make her own rules about what sort of behaviour she will tolerate from a partner! She never has to fear - not being able to pay the bills or provide for her children - if she has to walk away!

[InOne]

Originally Posted by WOMBAI

I meant within the confines of a relationship! A woman with a decent job that pays a decent salary - is free to make her own rules about what sort of behaviour she will tolerate from a partner! She never has to fear - not being able to pay the bills or provide for her children - if she has to walk away!

That is all well and good, but you're forgetting she has emotions. It's not as simple as you're making it out to be.

[WOMBAI]

Originally Posted by InOne

That is all well and good, but you're forgetting she has emotions. It's not as simple as you're making it out to be.

That depends!

You asked the question earlier - why do women put up with abusive partners - and I am just stating why it is in women's best interests to put themselves in a position where they won't have to! At least that way - they will have more choices!

[InOne]

Originally Posted by WOMBAI

That depends!

You asked the question earlier - why do women put up with abusive partners - and I am just stating why it is in women's best interests to put themselves in a position where they won't have to! At least that way - they will have more choices!

Yeah definitely, but you seem to think just because they are intelligent they wouldn't let their emotions get the better of them. It happens to people in all situations and from all walks of life.

[WOMBAI]

Originally Posted by InOne

Yeah definitely, but you seem to think just because they are intelligent they wouldn't let their emotions get the better of them. It happens to people in all situations and from all walks of life.

Of course - we all have emotions - just sometimes, for our own sanity and that of others, we have to rise above them!

[InOne]

Originally Posted by WOMBAI

Of course - we all have emotions - just sometimes, for our own sanity and that of others, we have to rise above them!

Indeed indeed.

[Shasown]

Originally Posted by WOMBAI

Of course - we all have emotions - just sometimes, for our own sanity and that of others, we have to rise above them!

Though thats not always as easy as it sounds.

If only life was that simple. A lot less wars and strife in general if everyone could arise above their emotions.

[Angus]

Originally Posted by InOne

Yeah definitely, but you seem to think just because they are intelligent they wouldn't let their emotions get the better of them. It happens to people in all situations and from all walks of life.

You're spot on there - I was in an abusive marriage for 10 years and yet had always considered myself a very strong, independent and intelligent woman. The abuse was insiduous at first, isolating me from my friends and family bit by bit, moving us away from familiar surroundings where I had a support network, then the verbal abuse, putting me down, insinuating that I was stupid or had no valid opinions, then the emotional and psychological abuse, undermining my self worth and self respect, telling me I was a rubbish mother, wife, daughter, sister etc, keeping me short of housekeeping since I was financially dependent on him having two small children both under 5 years old and no viable means of income, and culminating in physical abuse where I was punched, kicked and finally (the defining moment for me) having a knife held to my throat and telling me he was going to kill me. Many times I forgave him because I knew he had had a dreadful upbringing, having been abandoned by his own mother when he was five, and I made all sorts of excuses for why he was bullying me. But I finally accepted that he could not and would not ever change, and I started to fear for my children rather than myself. The knife incident made me realise just how poisonous our relationship was, and what danger me and my kids were in.

So finally I gathered the last remnants of my dignity and out of sheer self preservation I removed myself and my children from that situation and we went to a shelter from where I gathered the strength to divorce him and move on with my life.

Unless you have been a victim of such a manipulative and psychopathic bully, you cannot believe how difficult it is to get away - he threatened to kill me and the children if we ever left him, and to harm my brothers and their families if I went to them for sanctuary. I spent five years with no contact at all with the rest of my family because I was afraid of what he might do to them. I was also so ashamed that I had brought this monster into all of our lives. I spent years looking over my shoulder and we moved quite frequently so he wouldn't find us. It's only now my sons are grown that I no longer fear him, and I am now happy with someone else.

They do say that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger and I would definitely agree. Just don't judge all women in abusive relationships as being weak or stupid, because I am neither, and I'm here to say it could happen to anyone from any cultural, financial, or educational background. There as many upper class battered women as there are working class ones, so don't be too quick to blame the victim.

[InOne]

Originally Posted by angus58

You're spot on there - I was in an abusive marriage for 10 years and yet had always considered myself a very strong, independent and intelligent woman. The abuse was insiduous at first, isolating me from my friends and family bit by bit, moving us away from familiar surroundings where I had a support network, then the verbal abuse, putting me down, insinuating that I was stupid or had no valid opinions, then the emotional and psychological abuse, undermining my self worth and self respect, telling me I was a rubbish mother, wife, daughter, sister etc, keeping me short of housekeeping since I was financially dependent on him having two small children both under 5 years old and no viable means of income, and culminating in physical abuse where I was punched, kicked and finally (the defining moment for me) having a knife held to my throat and telling me he was going to kill me. Many times I forgave him because I knew he had had a dreadful upbringing, having been abandoned by his own mother when he was five, and I made all sorts of excuses for why he was bullying me. But I finally accepted that he could not and would not ever change, and I started to fear for my children rather than myself. The knife incident made me realise just how poisonous our relationship was, and what danger me and my kids were in.

So finally I gathered the last remnants of my dignity and out of sheer self preservation I removed myself and my children from that situation and we went to a shelter from where I gathered the strength to divorce him and move on with my life.

Unless you have been a victim of such a manipulative and psychopathic bully, you cannot believe how difficult it is to get away - he threatened to kill me and the children if we ever left him, and to harm my brothers and their families if I went to them for sanctuary. I spent five years with no contact at all with the rest of my family because I was afraid of what he might do to them. I was also so ashamed that I had brought this monster into all of our lives. I spent years looking over my shoulder and we moved quite frequently so he wouldn't find us. It's only now my sons are grown that I no longer fear him, and I am now happy with someone else.

They do say that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger and I would definitely agree. Just don't judge all women in abusive relationships as being weak or stupid, because I am neither, and I'm here to say it could happen to anyone from any cultural, financial, or educational background. There as many upper class battered women as there are working class ones, so don't be too quick to blame the victim.

Awwww damn, sounds like you hard a rough time . It's good you managed to get out in the end though. Yours seems like an almost textbook case. Start off as Mr Charming and then all these little things build up until it eventually grinds you down. That is the thing with whole whole 'bad upbringing' thing, people use that as an excuse, but in reality, plenty of people have bad childhoods and still turn out to be nice people.

I read an interesting book called 'Without Conscience' about Psychopaths and the way they work, I can only imagine it must've been terrible to live with such a destructive person in your life. I mean, from the outside, people can easily say, "Oh well I would've got out there a lot earlier". But like you said, unless they've been in that situation they will never understand the power someone like that can have over you. I mean I guess it's better late than never in your case, as in it happened all so subtly, that you didn't realise it until it was nearly too late. Most people don't think these type of people exist, they think they're a myth or something, and they're like "Oh well it wouldn't happen to me" But it's all very real.

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by angus58

You're spot on there - I was in an abusive marriage for 10 years and yet had always considered myself a very strong, independent and intelligent woman. The abuse was insiduous at first, isolating me from my friends and family bit by bit, moving us away from familiar surroundings where I had a support network, then the verbal abuse, putting me down, insinuating that I was stupid or had no valid opinions, then the emotional and psychological abuse, undermining my self worth and self respect, telling me I was a rubbish mother, wife, daughter, sister etc, keeping me short of housekeeping since I was financially dependent on him having two small children both under 5 years old and no viable means of income, and culminating in physical abuse where I was punched, kicked and finally (the defining moment for me) having a knife held to my throat and telling me he was going to kill me. Many times I forgave him because I knew he had had a dreadful upbringing, having been abandoned by his own mother when he was five, and I made all sorts of excuses for why he was bullying me. But I finally accepted that he could not and would not ever change, and I started to fear for my children rather than myself. The knife incident made me realise just how poisonous our relationship was, and what danger me and my kids were in.

So finally I gathered the last remnants of my dignity and out of sheer self preservation I removed myself and my children from that situation and we went to a shelter from where I gathered the strength to divorce him and move on with my life.

Unless you have been a victim of such a manipulative and psychopathic bully, you cannot believe how difficult it is to get away - he threatened to kill me and the children if we ever left him, and to harm my brothers and their families if I went to them for sanctuary. I spent five years with no contact at all with the rest of my family because I was afraid of what he might do to them. I was also so ashamed that I had brought this monster into all of our lives. I spent years looking over my shoulder and we moved quite frequently so he wouldn't find us. It's only now my sons are grown that I no longer fear him, and I am now happy with someone else.

They do say that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger and I would definitely agree. Just don't judge all women in abusive relationships as being weak or stupid, because I am neither, and I'm here to say it could happen to anyone from any cultural, financial, or educational background. There as many upper class battered women as there are working class ones, so don't be too quick to blame the victim.

im so sorry that happened to you.

[Angus]

Originally Posted by InOne

Awwww damn, sounds like you hard a rough time . It's good you managed to get out in the end though. Yours seems like an almost textbook case. Start off as Mr Charming and then all these little things build up until it eventually grinds you down. That is the thing with whole whole 'bad upbringing' thing, people use that as an excuse, but in reality, plenty of people have bad childhoods and still turn out to be nice people.

I read an interesting book called 'Without Conscience' about Psychopaths and the way they work, I can only imagine it must've been terrible to live with such a destructive person in your life. I mean, from the outside, people can easily say, "Oh well I would've got out there a lot earlier". But like you said, unless they've been in that situation they will never understand the power someone like that can have over you. I mean I guess it's better late than never in your case, as in it happened all so subtly, that you didn't realise it until it was nearly too late. Most people don't think these type of people exist, they think they're a myth or something, and they're like "Oh well it wouldn't happen to me" But it's all very real.

I'll have a read of that book if I can get a copy because it does seem abusers all seem to use the same modus operandi: divide and conquer - separate and dominate. The key thing is cutting your victim off from any outside support.

I just look upon it now as a bad part of my life that is all in the past - and at the end of the day something good came out of the marriage - my children. The fact I can talk about those events so dispassionately just shows how far I've come It's almost like they happened to someone else.