[Ammi]

Originally Posted by rubymoo

My mum commited suicide when i was 16, she left behind 4 children.

I believe she did it because she thought we'd be better off, i believe she was not thinking logically, and i believe she felt she was the problem and she had to deal with that problem.

Things must have been that bad that she saw no other way out, she must have been numb from feeling any emotion, she must have felt detached from her children, and she must have been exhausted from the amount of pain she had suffered, physically, emotionally and mentally in her life, she was just 34, but what people who commit suicde do not understand or realise is the amount of pain they leave behind, the why's, the what if's, the trying to understand, the constant wish that they were here experiencing life with you, the sadness that lasts a life time.

The reason people commit suicide is because they no longer can cope with the world they live in, there is nothing to live for, and there is no point to their life, and no one will ever understand how they feel unless they've been there themselves, even i can't understand why my mum did it, leaves me thinking that as children, we weren't worth sticking around for, but in reality i know that if my mum knew the pain she'd have caused, then she wouldn't have done it.

And i believe my mum is having her spiritual soul repaired, she will understand in spirit the pain she caused.

And i've forgiven her.

..Ruby....I’m so sorry very about your mum...someone I know committed suicide not that long ago, she hung herself on Mother’s Day and left two young children who I know she loved and were her whole life... and she knew they needed her and in her ‘clearer’ times, she would never ever have left them...but I think that you’re right... I don’t think many of us can ever know how much someone can completely lose themselves and lose any capability to see beyond their pain or their emptiness ..I don’t think that it’s so much not loving their families enough to not end their pain..I think that maybe it’s just that they’re incapable of ‘seeing’ anyone or anything at all at that moment in time and they’re incapable of giving anything of themselves even to the people they love most...of ‘being anyone’ that their family might need because they’re completely ‘empty’..there is nothing to give and there is nothing to be because they don't know how..and that probably adds to their sadness ..that they can't be what they feel their family needs...I don’t know Ruby, maybe in a way, they think that they’re ‘releasing’ the people they love, setting them free from their own pain and the effect of that pain on them and their lives...so in a silly strange way, still an act of love....it's just something that most of us will never understand ....