[Shaun]

"Fairytale of New TiBB" by Shane Marshowan & Kizzy MacColl

Spoiler:

To the tune of...

Youtube video

Key: Shane Marshowan sings in green, Kizzy MacColl sings in silver. When singing together, they are in purple.

It is 2009 on TiBB, and Marsh has been a member for a year. In this universe, he invites Kizzy to the forum. He sings, reminiscing.

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the lounge thread
A boy, Scott, said to me,
"Wanna see my little one? "
And then he sang a song
"I will be Mounting You"
I logged out straight away
And dreamed about you

Logged on at ten to one,
To see just how much fun that I'd been missing
This forum's full of news...
Saw Harry!'s Madonna posts
"I loved Hard Candy,"
Can't see how future TiBB
could be better, it's true.

[We're suddenly five years in the future - it is Christmas 2014 on TiBB. Kizzy has now settled in.]
They've got GIFs big as cliffs,
They've got signatures in gold,
But their music goes through you,
It's no place for the old
When I first registered on a cold Christmas Eve
You promised some Shahbaz fans waiting for me

You were posting
It was silly,
Scott wanted my willy,
Big Brother finished showing,
TiBB howled out for more.
Sticks' writing was swinging,
the Zetans were mudslinging.
We pissed on the mods' rules
Then spammed through the night

The gays of the T.I.B.B. lounge
Were singing 'Super Bass'
And the #lads were chatting
About tonight's The Chase

[Kizzy sits down and reads a PM from a multi account]
"You're so dumb,
You're a cunt,"
[Marsh has received one, too.]
"You're an embarrassment,
Living your whole life online,
step on a landmine."
[Kizzy and Marsh join together in defiance towards the childish little bitches]
"I don't know what's saddest,
The weaves or Rolf Harris."
[The Wealdstone Raider joins for this line]
Sorry you've got no fans
[He leaves, to a hero's applause]
"I pray God that you're banned."

The gays of the T.I.B.B. lounge
Still singing 'Super Bass'
And Ben was trying to
Watch the Amazing Race

[A dejected Marsh has taken his PMs and abuse to heart]
I could have been someone,
[Kizzy reassures him]
Now, don't you worry son,
You gave advice to me, when I first found you
I kept it with me, babe
I guess I should have known
Can't face TiBB all alone,
I've made great friends just like you.

The gays of the T.I.B.B. lounge
Now singing 'Sound and Vision'
And 'irrels' are singing
Out for Christmasvision