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Old 02-04-2015, 06:25 AM #1
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Default A new jokes thread to cheer up mock
Mock seems to be on a 'downer' lately, so I suggest another 'Joke Thread' to lift that spirit.


What does The Starship Enterprise and Andrex toilet paper have in common:

Spoiler:

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons
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Old 02-04-2015, 06:28 AM #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kirklancaster View Post
Mock seems to be on a 'downer' lately, so I suggest another 'Joke Thread' to lift that spirit.


What does The Starship Enterprise and Andrex toilet paper have in common:

Spoiler:

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons
Good one Kirk. It's not just Mock that needs cheering up It's a bit early in the day, but I'll try to add to this post later.
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Old 02-04-2015, 07:13 PM #3
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Haha a good post Kirk, and thanks for the thread.

What does Ed Milliband and David Cameron have in common? They're both incompetent.
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Old 02-04-2015, 09:30 PM #4
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Haha a good post Kirk, and thanks for the thread.

What does Ed Milliband and David Cameron have in common? They're both incompetent.
More like my old Mock.
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Old 02-04-2015, 09:31 PM #5
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Old 02-04-2015, 09:38 PM #6
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Kyle: "Can I buy you a drink"?
Girl: "Sorry, but I've had my limit for tonight. If I drink too much alcohol it's bad for my legs".
Kyle: "Why does it make them swell?
Girl: "No. It makes them spread."
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Old 02-04-2015, 09:57 PM #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kirklancaster View Post
Kyle: "Can I buy you a drink"?
Girl: "Sorry, but I've had my limit for tonight. If I drink too much alcohol it's bad for my legs".
Kyle: "Why does it make them swell?
Girl: "No. It makes them spread."
if only



Kirk is in his prayer chamber talking to God.

"God, how long is a million years?"

God answers,

"To me my boy, it's about a minute."

"God, how much is a million dollars?"

"To me lad, it's a penny."

Kirk strokes his chin for a second

"God, may I have a penny?"

........

........

"Wait a minute."
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:02 PM #8
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if only



Kirk is in his prayer chamber talking to God.

"God, how long is a million years?"

God answers,

"To me my boy, it's about a minute."

"God, how much is a million dollars?"

"To me lad, it's a penny."

Kirk strokes his chin for a second

"God, may I have a penny?"

........

........

"Wait a minute."
More.
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:10 PM #9
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Why did humpty dumpy push his girlfriend off the wall?

He wanted to see her crack
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:19 PM #10
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What does Aston Villa and myself have in common? We both can't score.

What was seen as a big trait for Jimmy Saville? He liked to kid around.

What organ do some people live in the UK? Liverpool.
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:23 PM #11
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Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet View Post
Why did humpty dumpy push his girlfriend off the wall?

He wanted to see her crack
A great yoke... I mean Joke.
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:24 PM #12
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What does Aston Villa and myself have in common? We both can't score.

What was seen as a big trait for Jimmy Saville? He liked to kid around.

What organ do some people live in the UK? Liverpool.
More Mock.
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:28 PM #13
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What do people say about people giving cheek? Just insert it inbetween.
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:45 PM #14
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:54 PM #15
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What does Phil Collins and The Bible have in common? They both was apart of Genesis.
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:57 PM #16
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Kid pushing a wheelbarrow asked his dad "Is it true God is everywhere dad" dad replies" Yes,son,God is everywhere",kid says "Well I wish he'de get out of this barrow it's bloody heavy"
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:58 PM #17
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Why did humpty dumpy push his girlfriend off the wall?

He wanted to see her crack
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RIP Pyramid, Andyman ,Kerry and Lex xx

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Old 02-04-2015, 11:00 PM #18
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Kid pushing a wheelbarrow asked his dad "Is it true God is everywhere dad" dad replies" Yes,son,God is everywhere",kid says "Well I wish he'de get out of this barrow it's bloody heavy"
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Old 03-04-2015, 07:57 AM #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kazanne View Post
Kid pushing a wheelbarrow asked his dad "Is it true God is everywhere dad" dad replies" Yes,son,God is everywhere",kid says "Well I wish he'de get out of this barrow it's bloody heavy"
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Old 03-04-2015, 08:02 AM #20
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Little Billy walks in on his parents as they're having sex in the missionary position. Mum is really embarrassed and says:

"It's OK Billy, Daddy's just pumping me back up a bit, I'm a little bit deflated this morning".

Billy replies:

"Woah, you must have a serious puncture Mam, I heard Mr Collins from next door pumping you up for most of the night while Dad was at work."
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Old 03-04-2015, 08:27 AM #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kirklancaster View Post
Little Billy walks in on his parents as they're having sex in the missionary position. Mum is really embarrassed and says:

"It's OK Billy, Daddy's just pumping me back up a bit, I'm a little bit deflated this morning".

Billy replies:

"Woah, you must have a serious puncture Mam, I heard Mr Collins from next door pumping you up for most of the night while Dad was at work."
__________________


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Old 03-04-2015, 10:59 AM #22
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Why did Mock cross the road?

Spoiler:

His dick was stuck in the chicken
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Old 03-04-2015, 11:06 AM #23
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I love this thread. It's cheering me up so much!
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Old 03-04-2015, 11:25 AM #24
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My wife asked me what my plans are for Easter?




I said: The same as Jesus', disappear Friday, show up Monday.
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Old 03-04-2015, 11:25 AM #25
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I was horrified to hear during the leaders debate Nigel Farage quoting the number of foreigners coming here to be treated for HIV.



Bloody foreigners coming here taking our jabs.
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