[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by parmnion

You should never have to feel the need to look for help on a train, but you did unfortunatly. The sad fact is when it happened it seems you felt you couldnt ask a man fir assistance! I think you would be surprised if you asked. Or u would like to think you would...why did you feel you couldnt if thats the case?

I felt I could not ask a man for assistance, as there is a large chance they would just laugh, or say the pervert did not mean anything by it and was just genuinely squashed (he was not), or start chatting me up and refuse to give in, or assault me himself, or it may even turn out the perv is this guys friend...and then a combo of the above could happen.

It was never a conscious decision to not ask for help just because I shouldn't HAVE to.

Just like its not really a conscious decision to avoid certain areas. More (and this will likely sound ridiculous to a bloke, or to a woman who has never had reason to be scared yet) its a kind of...constant weighing up inside your head if the risk is worth it. Like, I have a 'danger radar'...and I assume a hell of a lot of females do too. I know many of my female friends do. This came as such a surprise to my husband and I will tell you how it came about too to try explain further

We were out walking the dog, years and years back. Was an absolutely lovely night so we ended up walking further than usual...mainly along well lit areas. When we came to a clearing...kind of a forest arch leading to the woods. Gavin went to march in, not a thought in the world. Going through my head was a risk assessment. It was dark, nighttime, secluded, perfect place for a perv or someone else to just wait for unsuspecting women, it was also quiet, pretty secluded, so noone would likely hear if there were any problems. The risk was not worth it, IMO. I refused to go any further. Gavin was absolutely astounded, as he kept saying that it was a lovely place for a walk but it was so strange, its like a fear you just...don't realize you have until certain situations occur. And this was so strong that I wouldn't even continue with my 6ft 3 brick****house husband!

I asked if he had ever felt this way. He said he hadn't.

Now, it may be his size that has made him this way, but he was pretty sure that men just do not have this constant internal risk assessor (I can't think of any other way to say it)

And THIS was what made him start crossing the street rather than walking behind a lone woman. As he asked me when this happens, and I gave him a few examples, which do include walking alone, especially if you hear footsteps behind you, and even moreso when it turns out its a guy. Except in that situation, you cannot just decide not to go there. You have to deal with it, and the absolute mind numbing fear that it brings with it.

I get that this may sound dramatic and ridiculous, but I assure you its true. And is also the experience of every female friend I have broached this topic with