[babycakes]

Having been closed for a week to have an intruder alarm installed, the coffee shop is back open for business.

We have speed dating planned for tonight; hmm, I wonder who will turn up ?

[pices]

Originally Posted by babycakes

Having been closed for a week to have an intruder alarm installed, the coffee shop is back open for business.

We have speed dating planned for tonight; hmm, I wonder who will turn up ?

Thank goodness, in all this cold weather its been a bit of a nightmare having no familiar cosy little cafe to pop in for a warming hot chocolate. I see the bitter Almond cake is now off the Menu, but the Benoffe cake looks scrummy, yum.
Think I will get myself a good seat for the speed dating tonight, should be a laugh, though I am hoping for a strict dress code, no flashers or nakedness allowed I hope, just plain turns my stomach seeing all that horrid flesh.
Of course, those that one would not mind seeing a little bit more of are the ones who have a little pride and dignity..........why oh why is it always the pale pasty ugly ones have the need to display their wares.

Anyhow, here hoping Ben pops in for a winter warmup.

[babycakes]

Originally Posted by pices

Thank goodness, in all this cold weather its been a bit of a nightmare having no familiar cosy little cafe to pop in for a warming hot chocolate. I see the bitter Almond cake is now off the Menu, but the Benoffe cake looks scrummy, yum.
Think I will get myself a good seat for the speed dating tonight, should be a laugh, though I am hoping for a strict dress code, no flashers or nakedness allowed I hope, just plain turns my stomach seeing all that horrid flesh.
Of course, those that one would not mind seeing a little bit more of are the ones who have a little pride and dignity..........why oh why is it always the pale pasty ugly ones have the need to display their wares.

Anyhow, here hoping Ben pops in for a winter warmup.

No naked testiticularness

Sorry it was closed so long. The alarm kept sounding for no reason. We finally concluded that it didn't like the cool aura congregated in the corner. Set the alarm off time and time again.

I've made gluwein and stollen cake for tonight, and fondue for the daters to share. I thought it had a wintery Swiss theme, and Ben might find that appealing.

[Truth Teller]

Originally Posted by babycakes

No naked testiticularness

Sorry it was closed so long. The alarm kept sounding for no reason. We finally concluded that it didn't like the cool aura congregated in the corner. Set the alarm off time and time again.

I've made gluwein and stollen cake for tonight, and fondue for the daters to share. I thought it had a wintery Swiss theme, and Ben might find that appealing.

With his James Bond heritage, Ben was exceedingly happy at the menu for tonights speed dating. The only thing missing he felt was a christmas pudding martini - shaken not stirred.

[babycakes]

Originally Posted by Truth Teller

With his James Bond heritage, Ben was exceedingly happy at the menu for tonights speed dating. The only thing missing he felt was a christmas pudding martini - shaken not stirred.

Ben returned from Waitrose with a bag of all the necessary ingredients to male Christmas Pudding Martini's, so Truth Teller and Pyramis huddled over the list of participants and tried to sort out a suitable schedule for the dates.

Chantelle and Preston ? Ziggy and Chanelle ? Jen and Dale ? Paul and Helen ? Oh dear, the possibilities for friction looked worryingly high.

At that moment, Sree burst into the room, demanding to know if Noirin had put her name down for a date. Following hot on his heels was Marcus, the Irrepressible Dark Horse who elbowed Sree out of the way and demanded that his name was matched to Noirin's first.

Ben watched it all with amused nonchalance.

[Shaun]

Jade Goody waltzes in and calls Ben a 'posh wanka' before collapsing in the corner with a bottle of Ouzo.

[LemonJam]

Originally Posted by Nutcracker

Jade Goody waltzes in and calls Ben a 'posh wanka' before collapsing in the corner with a bottle of Ouzo.

BB4's Gos comes in, looks at Jade in the corner and begins teabagging her like an oompa-loompa.

[Shaun]

Originally Posted by CranberryJam

BB4's Gos comes in, looks at Jade in the corner and begins teabagging her like an oompa-loompa.

"Oi! You fat slag!" she chokes inbetween mouthfuls, before slipping on a puddle of her own urine. She reaches for her mobile phone and calls up her mum Jackiey, screeching "save me you money-grabbing cow!" down the phone.

[Tom4784]

Originally Posted by Nutcracker

"Oi! You fat slag!" she chokes inbetween mouthfuls, before slipping on a puddle of her own urine. She reaches for her mobile phone and calls up her mum Jackiey, screeching "save me you money-grabbing cow!" down the phone.

Jackiey runs in 'Sorry I'm late I was to busy selling your life support machine down the pawnshop. GET OFF MY BANK YOU SLAG' She swings for Gos.

[pices]

Oh dear, seems that we are going to have to hire some security, word has got around about tonights speed dating and seems to have attracted a few undesirables.
Now then who shall we hire to get rid of the Riff Raff.......................

[LemonJam]

Originally Posted by Nutcracker

"Oi! You fat slag!" she chokes inbetween mouthfuls, before slipping on a puddle of her own urine. She reaches for her mobile phone and calls up her mum Jackiey, screeching "save me you money-grabbing cow!" down the phone.

Suddenley, the door bursts open. It's Jackiey looking angrier than ever, with her sidekicks Billi Bhatti and Hira Whateverthe****hernameis. She stares down at the urine soaked mess still getting teabagged.

"I'm so disapointed in you, Jade"

"YOU'RE DISAPOINTED, I'M NOT THE ONE HANGING OUT WITH A PAIR OF POPPADO-"

Billi interrupted before she could finish.
"At least I CAN WHIP MY HAIR BACK N FORTH I WHIP MA HAIR BACK N FORTH"

A bald Jade, begins crying.

[Pyramid*]

Originally Posted by Nutcracker

Jade Goody waltzes in and calls Ben a 'posh wanka' before collapsing in the corner with a bottle of Ouzo.

I know they say Christams is a very special time...but jeezo..... even that's a big surprise.

Nice to see Babycakes managed to get in, I unfortunately was snowed in up in Scotland but it's great to see the 'old place' still looking so good and pulling in the right clientele....... !!! LOL

*Pours a B.Coffee, sits down and purrs with content*

[babycakes]

Originally Posted by Snowball

I know they say Christams is a very special time...but jeezo..... even that's a big surprise.

Nice to see Babycakes managed to get in, I unfortunately was snowed in up in Scotland but it's great to see the 'old place' still looking so good and pulling in the right clientele....... !!! LOL

*Pours a B.Coffee, sits down and purrs with content*

Christmas always brings out high spirits and drunken enthusiasm. I do hope that Gos was drunk, otherwise his judgement is highly questionable.

[babycakes]

The owners of the cafe are delighted that such colourful new patrons have arrived, but are a little concerned that the till is at risk, and the general unattractiveness of the new customers might put off the speed daters due to arrive any minute

Such drama had not been seen at the cafe since the day that Ife did a dump on one of the tables

[LemonJam]

Originally Posted by babycakes

The owners of the cafe are delighted that such colourful new patrons have arrived, but are a little concerned that the till is at risk, and the general unattractiveness of the new customers might put off the speed daters due to arrive any minute

Such drama had not been seen at the cafe since the day that Ife did a dump on one of the tables

this is genuinely my favourite post ever on tibb lmfao <3

[babycakes]

Hurrah - the entertainment for tonight has arrived. It's BC's family a Jackson Five tribute act.

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/IjihvsULN5nWfdh3

[Suze]

The tribute act is going down a treat, as is the Benoffe Coffee, and pie The customers love them, and they are certainly drawing in the crowds. A few drunken footie fans happen in swearing and singing, but are soon ejected from the premises.

It looks like it will be a good evening

[babycakes]

The first speed dating couple, chosen for their common interest in hairdressing, sit down in the newly constructed Love Shack and start flirting. Unfortunately, the attraction seems a little one sided.

[babycakes]

Oh dear, that first date ended in tears and tantrums when Craig was accused of touching Anthony inappropriately under the table.

They leave the Love Shack (well disco dancing Anthony nips out saying he wants to join babycakes Jackson 5 tribute act, followed at quite a pace by Bitchtits Scissorhands who is screaming " I refuse to diminish my character")

The next couple appear mismatched too - this could be a disaster. Rex has to be dragged to the date kicking and screaming, demanding that he would rather play Scrabble.

[babycakes]

The third set of daters arrived together wearing matching evening gowns. Kemal and Kinga made their way into the Love Shack straight away, and Kemal called over his shoulder "can you send some wine in please?". Kinga cackled "yeah, make it a BOTTLE".

[babycakes]

The final date of the evening was a bit of a surprise. When George Galloway and Peter Burns arrived, both in skin fitting lycra, a least two of the customers ran to the loo in order to vomit. The queue for the Ladies was three times longer by the time they heard George purring inside the Love Shack, and mewling "would you like me to be the cat ?". This wouldn't be good for the Coffee Shop; it now had a faint aroma of sick (and they had only just got rid of the stench of bitter Almonds).

[Truth Teller]

Loving the pictures and captions

[Suze]

I'm not too sure about that last pic

[Pyramid*]

Originally Posted by babycakes

The final date of the evening was a bit of a surprise. When George Galloway and Peter Burns arrived, both in skin fitting lycra, a least two of the customers ran to the loo in order to vomit. The queue for the Ladies was three times longer by the time they heard George purring inside the Love Shack, and mewling "would you like me to be the cat ?". This wouldn't be good for the Coffee Shop; it now had a faint aroma of sick (and they had only just got rid of the stench of bitter Almonds).

*Goes and looks out the mop, pail and bottles of dettol to start clearing up the sick&*

How come I get all the lousy jobs around here !!!

[gemmiej]

Originally Posted by Snowball

*Goes and looks out the mop, pail and bottles of dettol to start clearing up the sick&*

How come I get all the lousy jobs around here !!!

While your on your feet could I have a latte with a side order of Ben.... I mean biccies please...