[Maru]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Literally everytime something happens on the forum SD is mocked and brought into it, for no apparent reason, I don't think Maru meant it but she did this thread a disservice by mentioning SD in the poll and yes it was probably in fun, but it immediately created a divisive nature to the thread, honestly its getting so draining every time...the knitting club which was originally used by a member as a derogatory reference to anyone over 30 and was taken up by those members over 30 as a bit of a laugh is now being used as a stick to batter people which, as if there is a knitting club, as if LT has a gang .....

I get that. I didn't take this request so seriously. I understand what you're saying, Cherie, but just to respond because you touch on valid points, though I see things a little differently.

This community takes itself way too seriously overall. So it's no wonder people are so easily trolled, because there's always a nerve within reach. I have been away more often as of late, for a variety of reasons. It seems like when I return, there has been some new drama unfolding... usually forum politics and some infighting or new controversy. This is very unattractive for the site's more casual membership imo.

I figured the LGBT suggestion, at best if it were even to be implemented in an enlightened way might provide some additional steam to the site. Not for eternity if BB were to be cancelled, but provide more reasons to interactive during off-season. Maybe even release some tension and give current users extra incentives for them to post beyond the debate variety. As it is, activity is dropping. I'm personally finding less and less reasons to keep coming here myself, as the energy here has become very incestuous and uninviting. A lot of discussions have become cyclical, even to the point of being over-contrived at points and many of those "discoveries" that can be derived from these conversations are often tedious to get to...

I don't think the blame necessarily sits at the foot of the community or even admin, per say. Sure, some negative interactions and mantras that prevail in TiBB have added essential fuel to those fires and so we see those upsets over and over again. However, I think it's because those individuals impacts are so easily felt now with the reduced activity and the frequency in which certain oil&water individuals are finding themselves interacting has also increased, therefore leading to more clashing of egos and infighting. So there's really no break from that with that in the fore for the more casual users and it adds up to being a more acidic environment overall. There are still folk who are energized enough to occupy that space, but I think that that energy alone is not enough to maintain that space...

I think that SD is where most of these conversations "boil over", but it's not necessarily the sub itself that is at fault. It's become the butt ugly duckling of the forum, easy to pick on, but I don't take that to mean it's a bad sub as it has a ton of character... but it's probably more that there's nothing to equalize the pressures there or even to bring older (or established) members out of their shell into other sections. I don't think anyone wants the forum to feel segregated, but that is what it feels like currently atm...

Obviously, politics has effected most of everyday life in a big way, and coupled with these oil&water reactions, the temperament of the forum is goign to be tedious and hostile at times. Intellectually I may realize this is not necessarily the intention of most people who post on here or even those who respond negatively to most opposition.. but emotionally, it becomes draining to post in sections that center around these types of oil&water interactions and it leads to me disengaging anyway because I can't see the worth of engaging in those discussions when I know it will only add further to my aggravation.

A relationship/LGBT/culture-type section I figured would allow posts that don't fit into the category a little more time to marinate and the forum added depth. Especially in areas where cold hard facts are not necessarily "King", i.e. areas surrounding emotional intelligence, self-perception and cultural differences. We are missing that side of the forum in SD by watering down these life discussions (mainly our differences) to just "debates". Jamie, for example, an excellent member in this regard. He shines in on-season when these discussions emerge, but during off-season, there's only so much of that kind of discussion that SD is meant to and capable of facilitating... and again, it's not because it's a bad sub. It's because that sub is non-habitable place for those kinds of emotional topics imo. Just too serious for anything meaningful to marinate when facts versus opinion types rule in that sub. Which is fine, as SD serves the purpose for working out our hardlines on things... but that's not what this other section should be for.

Anyway, I've stopped visiting as much as of late and I think it may be because I'm losing steam. I'm never looking forward to opening the site in the mornings after having left my thoughts on the table, especially on terse topics, since by then it's past the TiBB morning rush and is usually when the more awkward responses appear in threads, i.e. the sniping etc. So I don't know what the "spirit" of that discussion will be when I check in the morning. So I've noticed more and more mornings I am just bypassing that ritual entirely and I have been further seperating myself from this place. To sum up my feelings in the best way possible, there always seems to be someone nitpicking over something, unhappy or otherwise causing some sort of drama. The other parts of the site are too low-brow (I'm looking at you GenChat) or far too idle to be worth the effort. With BB leanings more towards falling onto the backburner, there's the loss of the on-season ritual... probably at this point, it's the people whose posts I enjoy most reading and friendships I have here that keep me returning... but even those folk are going more idle. Maybe that's how it is, the way things things should go down and are ultimately meant to be... but I did feel I saw an opportunity for community growth and a way to increase engagement, so I made the suggestion. It doesn't have to be taken up... I wouldn't even blame the admin if they close this thread if they want to end a "divisive" conversation... but I do think it's a tepid peace in the long-run.

Anyway, Cherie, thank you for your thoughts. This was not meant to be a rebuttal or anything, but your post led to a braindump... I have my views, like all the other members, but mine is not the only one. Life continues on...