[user104658]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

mmm I mean I do notice differences with my son and daughter, he's definitely more looking for solutions rather than comfort but then he's very like me personality wise and I'm female so I wonder is it actually an in built thing in girls/women or is it a result of social conditioning?

Well that's the age-old debate I suppose, how much is nature and how much is social conditioning. Although I'm inclined to think that the two are more interwoven than is often thought, and also that it doesn't necessarily matter so long as individual differences are taken into account and people aren't judged for them... there will be plenty of examples of women seeking solutions and men seeking comfort, I don't think either is "wrong" or "better" so I guess it's just about assessing the situation at the time.

I'm also inclined to think that what people are seeking and what will actually help is not always the same thing, and that goes both ways. People seeking comfort when they would actually feel better if they actively did something (e.g. avoiding an official phonecall when getting it out of the way in 5 minutes would have you feeling better in 10), but also people obsessing and overthinking when what they really need to do is just vent to someone and feel like someone is listening and gives a ****, even if there's nothing to be done immediately.

I manage to be guilty of both