[FromBB8]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…yeah, I understand that …but that might also have the feeling of him being quite an all of person by feeling that rather than address, he wants to distance and isolate in that moment of someone trying to open communication with him and talk about what’s on his mind…it’s a bit of a revolve, really…

Yes, I can see that. I do go back to the live feed conversation he has, I think it was Emma, a couple of weeks back where he explained he used to fly off the handle and react without thinking, and how he went through a lot of behavioural management, of which boxing played a part, so I imagine this could be part of it - controlling himself rather than saying something he would regret. I don't know how many others in the house have heard that from him. Nothing has been shown on the HLs.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by FromBB8

Yes, I can see that. I do go back to the live feed conversation he has, I think it was Emma, a couple of weeks back where he explained he used to fly off the handle and react without thinking, and how he went through a lot of behavioural management, of which boxing played a part, so I imagine this could be part of it - controlling himself rather than saying something he would regret. I don't know how many others in the house have heard that from him. Nothing has been shown on the HLs.

…we just don’t get to see so many interesting conversations, I feel…and I do understand that it’s his way to step back from something and not have THAT conversation until he’s ready to…I don’t in any way lay any criticism or fault or anything for that…but trying to look at it from both sides now…(…thank you, Joni Mitchell……)…it’s also seeing how that could convey at times as a type of aloofness …a distancing…?… that may translate as ivory tower type behaviour…and as Ben said earlier …being a rose with a thorn, it may have been that the task involved Sarah to purposefully inject that thorn into her descriptives…and in that clip it didn’t feel ‘too much’ like Dean said about her in another task…I mean, she didn’t even seem to realise that she was the one who had upset his vibe…?…so it obviously wasn’t something that she said with any negativity and when we try to understand one person, we surely have to also try to understand the other…and how she would have felt with the realisation that she was the one who upset him but he refused to talk about it…

[FromBB8]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…we just don’t get to see so many interesting conversations, I feel…and I do understand that it’s his way to step back from something and not have THAT conversation until he’s ready to…I don’t in any way lay any criticism or fault or anything for that…but trying to look at it from both sides now…(…thank you, Joni Mitchell……)…it’s also seeing how that could convey at times as a type of aloofness …a distancing…?… that may translate as ivory tower type behaviour…and as Ben said earlier …being a rose with a thorn, it may have been that the task involved Sarah to purposefully inject that thorn into her descriptives…and in that clip it didn’t feel ‘too much’ like Dean said about her in another task…I mean, she didn’t even seem to realise that she was the one who had upset his vibe…?…so it obviously wasn’t something that she said with any negativity and when we try to understand one person, we surely have to also try to understand the other…and how she would have felt with the realisation that she was the one who upset him but he refused to talk about it…

Yes, I'm willing to accept that Sarah thought Khaled would take it with a pinch of salt and was surprised when he didn't. But I'm willing to accept that Khaled had a valid reason not to take it with a pinch of salt either, so it's almost six of one, half-a-dozen of another. Perhaps it can be explained as a massive misunderstanding between how it was given and how it was received. For me, the ivory tower/peasants line was the issue - as I said, particularly as, according to Sarah, Khaled's always been there for her when she's upset, so he must come down from it sometimes.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by FromBB8

Yes, I'm willing to accept that Sarah thought Khaled would take it with a pinch of salt and was surprised when he didn't. But I'm willing to accept that Khaled had a valid reason not to take it with a pinch of salt either, so it's almost six of one, half-a-dozen of another. Perhaps it can be explained as a massive misunderstanding between how it was given and how it was received. For me, the ivory tower/peasants line was the issue - as I said, particularly as, according to Sarah, Khaled's always been there for her when she's upset, so he must come down from it sometimes.

…hopefully we’ll see later, a the wider context but atm it does feel a bit to me like a revolving circle in that Sarah didn’t seem to realise that anything she’d done or said had upset Khaled so he was obviously a bit, wow and taken aback and then she was also wow and take aback…and with that kind of situation and lack of understanding, there really is no other course but to talk it through…which Khaled was obviously not willing to do in the moment…whatever the circumstances leading up to, it had the effect of a close down which just leaves it hanging there as a negative vibe…

[FromBB8]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…hopefully we’ll see later, a the wider context but atm it does feel a bit to me like a revolving circle in that Sarah didn’t seem to realise that anything she’d done or said had upset Khaled so he was obviously a bit, wow and taken aback and then she was also wow and take aback…and with that kind of situation and lack of understanding, there really is no other course but to talk it through…which Khaled was obviously not willing to do in the moment…whatever the circumstances leading up to, it had the effect of a close down which just leaves it hanging there as a negative vibe…

Yes, that's true. Like Khaled seemed under the impression that Sarah should have realised, to him, she overstepped the mark but Sarah, in turn, couldn't see how so was baffled. I wonder if his 'not deep' might be 'I know I'm taking this more seriously than perhaps I should but give me space to get over it then I'll be fine'. But unless he communicates that it will fester.

[Maru]

Originally Posted by FromBB8

Yes, that's true. Like Khaled seemed under the impression that Sarah should have realised, to him, she overstepped the mark but Sarah, in turn, couldn't see how so was baffled. I wonder if his 'not deep' might be 'I know I'm taking this more seriously than perhaps I should but give me space to get over it then I'll be fine'. But unless he communicates that it will fester.

He's not the harshest of critics himself, and ironically that made him not friends with some ... so he may recoil at criticism easily enough it's not real pleasant for him to be the deliverer of bad news either since he hates that feeling. So he prefers a more 1-on-1 way of doing things to having it blasted it out across the house... I think it's reasonable he wants space if he feels rattled. No reason to make a big deal out of it... but we'll see how that actually looks tonight

[moon_peach]

Originally Posted by FromBB8

Yes, I can see that. I do go back to the live feed conversation he has, I think it was Emma, a couple of weeks back where he explained he used to fly off the handle and react without thinking, and how he went through a lot of behavioural management, of which boxing played a part, so I imagine this could be part of it - controlling himself rather than saying something he would regret. I don't know how many others in the house have heard that from him. Nothing has been shown on the HLs.

Yeah he said that he likes to take the time to process his emotions before acting, because he doesn’t want to be too emotionally reactive and knows that he’ll feel differently given time. I think a lot of us are like that, no? It’s pretty normal to say ‘actually I need some space before talking this through’, and if anything I think it shows more maturity to be able to acknowledge and express that, as opposed to a) going along with what others want when you’re not comfortable, and b) flying off the handle because you’re in a too emotional place to have a respectful conversation with the other person

(He also said in that convo that he is a sensitive person)