[joeysteele]

Originally Posted by Mrluvaluva

I understand that's more about the law, but I suppose this is more to do with how we feel as individuals. I know this is a totally different situation, but I think some of the similarities apply:

When a couple become separated, and are going through a divorce, they can either go to court to fight for custody of their children, or come to an amicable mutual agreement. A lot of times, the child's wishes are taken into consideration with whom they wish to live with, and that can be a deciding factor.

The child may become very unhappy at being uprooted from the people they have known as their family all their life. Surely their feelings should be taken into account and they should not automatically be returned to their parents? A gradual introduction to their birth parents might be the best way forward possibly?

Totally agree with you, the point as to the law that I was hoping to make is that in my view the adoptive parents should have a lot more say on the childs future in this scenario and certainly at least regular contact,at 11 as most rightly say on this thread, the child will only have ever known them as the parents he/she has.

I agree with you again, the child would I am sure, be possibly traumatised by being taken from his/her adoptive parents and handed to people they didn't even know or had ever seen.

I also agree with you that their feelings should be taken into account and as you state a gradual introduction to the biological parents be the norm and enacted.That as an individual is what I would hope could be the result.
Sadly the fact is in this scenario, the law needs to be changed,(as it does on many things now I think), to allow that and I would hope one day it does change in favour more of the childs feelings.
I certainly agree with most on here who have said at 11years old the child should have things built around his/her wishes in the matter.