[Seraphim]

Brilliant, thanks!

I hope our Liz doesn't scoff at your poem,
When she's back sipping tea in her London home,
You might get a mention in one of her columns:
She could say your obsession is rather like Gollum's.
Her writers nib is as sharp as a knife
And often her words cause significant strife:
She hurts her friends' feelings with expose pieces;
And might prefer cats to her nephews and nieces.

Liz had to move house after slating the locals;
Then offended Rihanna: a princess of vocals.
(Her haters for once felt she made some good points
As they don't approve of pistols and joints.
She hit on the subject of domestic abuse
But her comments on dress were rather obtuse.)
When Rihanna hit back with a piece of her own
Liz felt like a victim and started to moan.

She was nice to the housemates and toned herself down
When she teased their clothing without a frown.
When asked by Emma she admitted as much
Saying she was only kind cos she liked them and such..
But she doesn't know you, so she won't think twice
To make you the butt of her jokes for a price.
Please don't assume that I think she's a sh*t:
I read her column and love her wit.

I can't condone Liz's outspoken views
On inviting rape with clothing and shoes..
But although her views are quite controversial
She can sometimes be seen as influential.
Take me: I'm not a sucker for style,
(I grab the first thing from an unironed pile)
But she has changed my life in the last week or two:
I've been stuck to my telly like it's solvent glue.

I only tuned in to have a gander at Liz
But got addicted to watching the stars of showbiz.
From no frills Jim to Luisa's flounces,
Dappy's dong and Casey's bounces,
Lee's pole-dancing and Ollie's tan
And Lionel's horror at the make-up ban.
Big Brother has found a new viewer in me.
Even though Liz is back home drinking tea.