[Glenn.]

Greg that's amazing

[Kizzy]

Aw that's great, it's nice to express your feelings and deal with how things have affected you in that way.

[Z]

It gets me down sometimes, I think I spoke about it on here a few months ago. He was one of my best friends I'd made at uni and just over the last two years he's gone from being somebody that I would talk to every day and confide my every problem to, to being a near stranger. I don't like him any less than I did before, there was no argument or change of interests or anything, I put it entirely down to him becoming friends with people who have it out for me and turning him against me and now it's gotten to a point where there's no going back. Avoiding someone for a little while can be remedied but at this stage it's become a joke; he says he's too busy or skint to hang out and then I'll bump into him on a night out that same day... or he'll say he's got so much to do but then if a mutual friend's organising something he'll be there... makes me wonder what on earth I could have done to cause such a situation and then I think, no, I haven't done anything wrong, and what do I care anyway? You can't make someone like you if they don't want to. So this (friend)ship has been set adrift and it's probably the most sensible thing to do, to not look back and try and get it back to where it was. You don't want someone as a friend if they don't want you as one.

[Shaun]

time sucks

[Jessica.]

Aww greg. There's lots of people here who will listen to whatever you need to talk about.

[reece(:]

What a lovely poem

[Z]

[Glenn.]

Greg

If he's not in your life then there's a reason for it. He's not good enough to be a part of it.

You need to look forward. Friends suck.

I was thinking about when I was a school the other day and how my phone would be going constantly with texts and phone calls. Arranging parties and going out. Now I'm lucky if I get a text off my mum.

Out of all the friends I had in school, I still talk to about 3 of them.

I used to do a lot for my friends and looking back I realised they needed me more than I did them.

[Z]

I think what makes it worse is knowing that, for me anyway, there's no sudden change in how I feel about him as a friend really, I don't dislike him or wish any ill towards him, it just seems like one day he was my friend and the next day he decided he didn't want to be my friend anymore and he phased me out - yet he still speaks to my best friend, who he met through me, all the time; I hang out with his flatmate on a regular basis; like on paper there is absolutely no reason why we don't speak as much as we used to, and yet we don't.

[Glenn.]

Maybe he fancies you?

[Z]

No it's definitely not that.

[Z]

I think a combination of my best friend's poisonous ex girlfriend and my ex's poisonous ex boyfriend have turned him against me. It's sad all round really. I haven't done anything wrong.

[Kizzy]

It does happen I was such close friends for 7yrs with a lass I worked with but she left and very gradually we grew apart, she got a new set of friends and I miss her too.
But, and I know it's a cliche but life is a story the characters change sometimes, surround yourself with people who value you as much as you value them xx

[Z]

I dunno, I've drifted apart from people before and it's never been an issue because these things happen and you're both off doing something new and exciting and you can always reach out to them for a catch up every once in a while or at the worst you don't feel like you can talk to them but you know that you mutually wish each other well... in this case it feels more like he does have a problem with me, or did, and it led to him avoiding me for a long time so then I stopped bothering and he eventually realised that he'd driven me away and now he doesn't know how to reconnect and even when I try and reach out, he then reverts back to avoiding me. I just don't even know how to explain it properly, that's why I did it through a poem

[Kizzy]

Yes it's like some invisible bond/connection has been severed, like when you leave school and go back to visit, everything looks the same... but it isn't and never will be.

I'm not helping am I?

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Z

It gets me down sometimes, I think I spoke about it on here a few months ago. He was one of my best friends I'd made at uni and just over the last two years he's gone from being somebody that I would talk to every day and confide my every problem to, to being a near stranger. I don't like him any less than I did before, there was no argument or change of interests or anything, I put it entirely down to him becoming friends with people who have it out for me and turning him against me and now it's gotten to a point where there's no going back. Avoiding someone for a little while can be remedied but at this stage it's become a joke; he says he's too busy or skint to hang out and then I'll bump into him on a night out that same day... or he'll say he's got so much to do but then if a mutual friend's organising something he'll be there... makes me wonder what on earth I could have done to cause such a situation and then I think, no, I haven't done anything wrong, and what do I care anyway? You can't make someone like you if they don't want to. So this (friend)ship has been set adrift and it's probably the most sensible thing to do, to not look back and try and get it back to where it was. You don't want someone as a friend if they don't want you as one.

Originally Posted by Z

I dunno, I've drifted apart from people before and it's never been an issue because these things happen and you're both off doing something new and exciting and you can always reach out to them for a catch up every once in a while or at the worst you don't feel like you can talk to them but you know that you mutually wish each other well... in this case it feels more like he does have a problem with me, or did, and it led to him avoiding me for a long time so then I stopped bothering and he eventually realised that he'd driven me away and now he doesn't know how to reconnect and even when I try and reach out, he then reverts back to avoiding me. I just don't even know how to explain it properly, that's why I did it through a poem

...hmmm, you've kind of really figured it out yourself haven't you...sometimes you do have to 'send people adrift'...that's a good way of putting it...(I think) really that he can't help who he is anymore than you can help who you are and how you both react to things and how your whole thought processes and emotions work..it would be so easy to use expressions like 'that makes you the better person..' but it just makes you different people and I imagine that you don't feel like 'the better person' because what you feel is the person who 'feels' these things more, who feels hurt by them etc so that doesn't make you feel 'better' at all...

..it's something I think about a lot as well, I have to 'ration' things and find reasons for them and find reasons why people act how they do and maybe 'judge' you and those judgements may be purely on what other people think and people are 'influenced'..but what does that mean though, why do they do that..you don't understand that because it's not something that you would do/it's not how your thoughts and emotions work so it's hard to understand...but maybe they don't have the same belief in themselves as you do and maybe they 'need' that group of people who are against you..?..maybe they don't have the abilities/capabilities to try to maintain both friendships because if you're 'going against a group' you want to be part of then that would mean self belief and 'strength' you know..?...but they can't help that either, they can't help that they haven't got those 'skills' anymore than you have them, you could do that, you could maintain both friendships if you liked everyone and you could refrain from 'judging' based on other people say..that's just your 'set of skills', not that they always make you feel better, do they because this whole thing and your thought processes/giving all of this emotional energy to it has made you feel pretty rubbish at times as well...anyway, that's why in a way it's hard to say 'you're the better person' because then you're just judging him like he's judged you..you're judging him for 'being him' and being him, which he can't help has ruled his actions and caused you hurt...anyway I'm rambling and do, like you over-think things/complicate them and find it hard just to think..oh that person is just a bit of a rubbish person..I have to try to understand them.....a curse really....anyway his lack of belief in himself has caused this awkwardness that's now hard to erase/to 'bridge' and that's beyond your control because you've tried and he doesn't know how to 'accept the hand' you've offered him..and that again is the 'difference' in you both because you would..?.but no 'better' or 'worse' a person, just a different person..I suspect that if at some time in the future, he does come to have regrets and wants to act on them and approach you, you will accept his friendship on maybe a lesser trusting basis and not the same but you'll still accept it because those are your 'skills' but in the reverse situation, he probably wouldn't be able to do that..?..'emotional skills' and capabilities are no different to physical ones, we can't make ourselves have them, we can't change who we are all we can do is to try to understand ourselves and our thought processes and that kind of helps in not letting this effect us so deeply/sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't and we spend hours 'agonising' anyway, that's something I learned from CBT...

..anyway, just for now and probably typically you, you've taken something which is a negative in your life in how he's made you feel and you've created a poem, which is lovely btw...and it's making a 'positive' out of it which is all you can do...I write to 'put things in boxes in my head' as well...it helps me, they don't always stay in those boxes but well, that's all you can do for now and you've done it...you know who you are, you know you did nothing wrong and yet you've been 'judged' anyway..well so be it, the greatest 'loss' here is not yours, it's his and the people who have judged you and that's just kind of life and the different people you meet along the way..some you keep for a short while, some you keep forever and some you just 'set adrift' because 'adrift' is what they have chosen in their lack od self belief so they really set themselves 'adrift'....

[Ammi]

..jeez, this is just a quick chat thread as well...Ammi.....

[Ammi]

..yeah, tell me Greg, why would someone blow a leaf blower at their dog...you answer me that question huh....why, why......

[AnnieK]

Morning Ammi

[Ammi]

..well hello there....now then, who do we have here..it's been a little while since you've been a morning Lounge person.....you all ready for your work day...THIS IS REAL LIFE ANNIE, THIS ISN'T FANTASY.....

[Ammi]

[AnnieK]

All ready Ammi....showered, dressed, hair done, cup of tea.....now I want to go back to bed. I've not yet woken the sleeping monster that is Matthew yet....he is not going to be happy about getting up this early.....

You all set for your day?

[Ammi]

..yeah I'm more or less ready..making my lunch and getting dressed are normally the last things I do and it's hard to know what to wear in this weather because ours is an old building and cold inside but it's really warm out side...oh, just thro that sleeping monster my way, I'll take him to work with me, the children will love him and he'll be thoroughly spoiled and fussed over.....

[AnnieK]

He would love that too..... He loves playing with older kids...I struggled this morning too with what to wear, it's raining but so warm still....

[Ammi]

..the rain sometimes does make it warmer for a bit and then hopefully it'll clear the air and it'll be freezing again.....yeah, he would actually love it and the children would love him..with older people/students etc on work experience when they come, they're like 'gods' to the children, they just adore them and I think that's good for the students as well because it makes them feel good about themselves and you can see them starting to feel more confident, you know..?..