[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Depends if someone is a seriel cheater and can't keep their knickers/pants on while their long suffering partner is at home then no, but sometimes people have an affair as a one off due to going through a rough patch which their partner won't acknowledge or feeling neglected , then the other person has to shoulder some of the blame for not being supportive and helping each other through the rough times.

I still don't think that's an excuse to cheat. If you're not feeling supported by your partner and they refuse to acknowledge problems you're having then leave, cheating is surely just making those problems worse for a marriage/relationship

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I still don't think that's an excuse to cheat. If you're not feeling supported by your partner and they refuse to acknowledge problems you're having then leave, cheating is surely just making those problems worse for a marriage/relationship

It depends though because alot of marriages will go through a rough patchs and it can be at a time when one of the partners is under pressure at work or something and just doesn't realise how lonely or unsupported their partner is, and basically stop communicating, some marriages do come out the other side stronger than ever after a blip.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

It depends though because alot of marriages will go through a rough patchs and it can be at a time when one of the partners is under pressure at work or something and just doesn't realise how lonely or unsupported their partner is, and basically stop communicating, some marriages do come out the other side stronger than ever after a blip.

...hmmm, but then most cheating could be justified though because I'm sure there are always 'reasons' for it...I had a friend who was pregnant and she had a really difficult pregnancy so maybe she didn't have the hugs etc for her partner as she did before but she couldn't help that, it was a time to be understanding of that but she found out that her husband had cheated on her..very much like you're describing, that he felt a bit less loved and someone else obviously filled that gap...so maybe he was right and justified..?..I just don't think it can be excused because every 'cheater' would probably think that their excuse was acceptable and ok....and it's something that has effected my friend's life and confidence long term, whereas he's not effected at all by it...

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Ammi

...hmmm, but then most cheating could be justified though because I'm sure there are always 'reasons' for it...I had a friend who was pregnant and she had a really difficult pregnancy so maybe she didn't have the hugs etc for her partner as she did before but she couldn't help that, it was a time to be understanding of that but she found out that her husband had cheated on her..very much like you're describing, that he felt a bit less loved and someone else obviously filled that gap...so maybe he was right and justified..?..I just don't think it can be excused because every 'cheater' would probably think that their excuse was acceptable and ok....and it's something that has effected my friend's life and confidence long term, whereas he's not effected at all by it...

That is not what I meant at all Ammi when I spoke about a partner feeling neglected, that sounds like he was selfish and just needed sex, nothing to do with him needing support that is a whole different conversation!!!

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

That is not what I meant at all Ammi when I spoke about a partner feeling neglected, that sounds like he was selfish and just needed sex, nothing to do with him needing support that is a whole different conversation!!!

..hmmm, I don't think it is another conversation though Cherie, it's only the person who has cheated who has defined what they see as support or lack of it etc..like they had problems at work etc..?..that only explains why they may feel low in someway, which happens to most people if not everyone at times...it doesn't justify or excuse cheating on their partner...

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..hmmm, I don't think it is another conversation though Cherie, it's only the person who has cheated who has defined what they see as support or lack of it etc..like they had problems at work etc..?..that only explains why they may feel low in someway, which happens to most people if not everyone at times...it doesn't justify or excuse cheating on their partner...

But what your friends husband did was out of feeling physically neglected, but given she was pregnant his actions were totally selfish as she couldn't fulfil his needs at that time due to her pregnancy problems, they pregnancy wasn't going to last forever but he went ahead anyway. Anyway this is one of the grey areas I am talking about in this circumstance the cheater was 100% to blame.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

But what your friends husband did was out of feeling physically neglected, but given she was pregnant his actions were totally selfish as she couldn't fulfil his needs at that time due to her pregnancy problems, they pregnancy wasn't going to last forever but he went ahead anyway. Anyway this is one of the grey areas I am talking about in this circumstance the cheater was 100% to blame.

..I think we'll have to agree to disagree Cherie......the cheater is always to blame for cheating, it really is that black and white to me...they may not share all the responsibility in any difficulties in a relationship and I do understand that, that's the bit that is 'grey'.. but they're the only ones responsible and to blame for their actions in how they handled those problems...