[kirklancaster]

Economising - like charity - begins at home, and I recall Caitlin stating that this 'GF' was not averse to buying expensive non-essentials whilst she was imposing her restrictions on the father whenever it came to spending on his children.

It seems to me that the GF is being very 'selective' in deciding where the father's expenditure needs to be cut, and in targeting his children, I believe that she is - consciously or subconsciously - 'killing two birds with one stone', in that she is hurting his children, and also demonstrating to them that she --not them or their mother -- has the real power over him.

There is not enough information to be able to offer qualified opinion but I think this woman is very insecure, and jealous of the father's relationship with his children because they are a permanent 'bridge' to the estranged wife.

I also strongly think that when another person - male or female - becomes involved with an estranged parent, then that person must assume 'secondary' parent responsibilities, sensibilities, and attitude, where the estranged children are concerned, and should therefore be prepared to deal with any behavioral problems in those children which may be borne of 'jealousy' or 'resentment' or feelings of being 'replaced' by the new partner in the affections of their estranged parent.

Buying expensive junk when telling the estranged children that their father can no longer afford to buy them things is not the way to 'win over' emotionally confused and distrustful children, and the fact that Caitlin has no problem with the mother's new partner would suggest that the GF is the real 'problem' here not the children.

It seems to me that this woman has a mindset that she has a relationship with the estranged husband only, and regards his children as an unwanted 'complication' which she cannot totally ignore but has no real intention of accepting and trying to solve.

It is not made clear from the original post how old the father is or whether this 'GF' is younger than him, but I believe that the father is, or is at least approaching, 'middle age' and if so, then thought should be given as to just what this poor man must be going through - never mind his GF.

He maybe experiencing that vaguely titled but all too real phenomenon that we call 'mid-life crisis'; that stage in our lives when we realise that we are not infallible, that we can't 'leap over buildings' or 'outrun a speeding train' as we thought in our youth. That stage, where we realise that when it comes to dealing with all life's crap that we are ill-equipped and haven't all the answers - if any.

On top of this, he is having to live with the humiliating fact - conscious or subconscious - that he is a failure - at least as far as his marriage is concerned, and by what we know, also financially.

Is this new GF helping him to address this issue in any constructive way? Is she hell.

She is humiliating him in front of his own family by broadcasting his failures, and if she can do this then you can bet your life she does the same in front of his friends.

I find it highly significant that he allows her to do this, and I believe that this poor guy might be so depressed and 'down' that he is losing any fight he may once have had and is capitulating to a domineering bitch.

You all know, that as a writer, I like to refer to the truth in films and plays to illustrate certain points,because I truly believe that stories are - as Robert Mkee says - 'metaphors for living', and I remember a TV play about a middle-aged man who was undergoing a 'mid-life crisis' - stuck in a rut, a loveless marriage, etc.

There's one brilliant scene where the guy is alone and driving in his his car, when he passes a leggy young hitchhiker but sees her too late and pulls up about 20 yards down the road. He waits, and waits for her to run towards the car to accept his lift, but she just stands there 'hand on hip'. The guy then actually reverses his car right back to her and then - and only then - does she get in the car.

Absolutely brilliant writing which says everything without saying anything.

This younger girl was completely and arrogantly demonstrating her power over a middle aged man who was undergoing a 'mid-life crisis'.

I don't know how much of my summising is 'on point' Caitlin, but I will say, that sometimes the child has to become the parent, and this does appear to be one of those times, so my advice would be speak to your dad in private, and to take an approach which says:

"Dad, I love you, but I'm not a kid anymore and I know enough about life to know that you're suffering. I know you've got money problems dad, but you're GF is not doing anything to help you solve them by buying expensive crap you don't really need. And she's not endearing herself to us by showing you up and trying to make you look small in front of people by lecturing you about what you can and can't spend money on or who you can spend it on. You need to have a word with her in private dad and tell her not to broadcast your private affairs in public. She may not always love you dad, and may not always be your GF , but we will always love you dad and will always be your children."

I hope this helps.