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Mystic Mock · 23-08-2015, 02:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LemonJam

You know what, I'm very drunk I'm gonna go on a rant which I will inevitably regret tomorrow morning.

I've lived in London for 5 years after living on a very small, secluded, closed minded island with a Catholic family that I've never felt like I could come out to. As somebody who generally gets on with straight guys more than girls or gay dudes I've faced a lot of rejection and had a lot of shame for who I am and it totally ****ed me up as a person. I've faced depression and anxiety and even tried commit suicide just because of the person I am.

The last year I came out as a gay man and I've been so much more happy and felt so much more accepted. Like most my friends in London are straight blokes and they will still high five me if I hooked up with a guy in the same way that they'll high five each other if they hooked up with a girl. I could talk openly and honestly about who I am without feeling different from them and I'd never been happier with who I am. They pretty much saved my life.

Now I'm back on my home island for a few months and the people who I call friends frequently joke about me being a gay man, telling me I'm "less of a man" and frequently call me a "fag" or "****" and they constantly try to demean me because of my sexuality DESPITE knowing that I've had mental health problems in the past and I don't know how much longer I can deal with it. I've worked so, so, so ****ing hard over the last few years in building the confidence with myself (like a huge reason I didn't post that much on this forum for ages is because I didn't think I fitted in, which is absolutely pathetic cos y'all are weird af

) and as I'm about to go travelling before I came back home I felt ready, but now I'm questioning if I'm as secure of a person as I should be.

I basically only came back to the island for my family because I haven't really seen them for a long period of time for two years but I feel like I need to be back in London for my own sanity.

So yeah I just needed to get that off my chest while there's a thread like this still around...

Can't you try to tell your friends on the Island not to be so insensitive about your sexuality? If they're really your friends they'll understand your reasons.

LemonJam · 23-08-2015, 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mystic Mock

Can't you try to tell your friends on the Island not to be so insensitive about your sexuality? If they're really your friends they'll understand your reasons.

Confession #2: I am a messy drunk.

I had a bit of a go at a few of them last night Mock and it was quite a regrettable display (I definitely said some harsh words back to them and I definitely compared one of them to Samwise Gamgee

) but I think it's just the fact that they haven't seen me for a while and aren't quite used to me talking so openly. Where I am now is quite closed minded, but it's not gonna stop me from being me and maybe I can open some minds while I'm here.

Thank you guys for support but just want to make it clear that I'm very much okay, I just needed a rant.

I'm probably the happiest I've been in years and the last two years of my life have been the greatest so far. The old version of me would've woken up in the middle of the night remembering I made that post and frantically tried to delete it. Instead I woke up this morning, came on here, remembered and thought "that was probably good for me." It's a mess of a post, but it's a beautiful mess, so I'm gonna keep it there, because if there's anything I've learnt over the last few years it's that you shouldn't keep your emotions bottled up, you should express yourself and be yourself.

tl;dr, I'm okay, I'm just apparently a massive hippy now.

Ammi · 23-08-2015, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LemonJam

Confession #2: I am a messy drunk.

I had a bit of a go at a few of them last night Mock and it was quite a regrettable display (I definitely said some harsh words back to them and I definitely compared one of them to Samwise Gamgee

) but I think it's just the fact that they haven't seen me for a while and aren't quite used to me talking so openly. Where I am now is quite closed minded, but it's not gonna stop me from being me and maybe I can open some minds while I'm here.

Thank you guys for support but just want to make it clear that I'm very much okay, I just needed a rant.

I'm probably the happiest I've been in years and the last two years of my life have been the greatest so far. The old version of me would've woken up in the middle of the night remembering I made that post and frantically tried to delete it. Instead I woke up this morning, came on here, remembered and thought "that was probably good for me." It's a mess of a post, but it's a beautiful mess, so I'm gonna keep it there, because if there's anything I've learnt over the last few years it's that you shouldn't keep your emotions bottled up, you should express yourself and be yourself.

tl;dr, I'm okay, I'm just apparently a massive hippy now.

..I was going to message you later...(when I'd finished some stuff for the Mole..)....but hmmm, you know how long it would have been and you're probably feeling a little fragile so maybe no, not right now...I'm glad that you said things that you wanted to, both on here and to your friends, with them, it's not the thing also that you feel better for doing it..I think it was also that they needed to know how it felt to be you and the you that you felt when you're with them..(if that makes sense..)...because some of how they are could be awkwardness ..(because you really are the only gay in the village and a bit of an oddity..

...)..and just really not meaning to hurt, you know..but now hopefully, it can have been an opening door for you to all talk...well, you know...peace out James, you're quite a guy..

...