[ArgyESC]

Originally Posted by Mokka

No...what would be the point? Even if their marriage is bad...or ending... then deal with that and end it first....then we can talk

Exactly this.

[Josy]

Pointless really isn't it, it's not gonna go anywhere and your pretty much the '****boy/girl' and nothing more.

[thesheriff443]

both married men and women cheat, not all affairs end, some go on to be long term relationships that include marriage and children.
Most affairs are just people taking what's on offer

Some people stay married out of duty not out of love,

[thesheriff443]

I think some people treat marriage or relationships like jobs
They don't leave one until they got another one lined up.

[user104658]

Just to throw a spanner in everyone's works;

What if it isn't cheating?

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Just to throw a spanner in everyone's works;

What if it isn't cheating?

Like if it were an open relationship? I'm sure that excuse is used alot But for me, even if it were a genuine open relationship, I don't share and am not into open relationships so it would be a no from me

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Just to throw a spanner in everyone's works;

What if it isn't cheating?

Your in the wrong thread

[user104658]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

Your in the wrong thread

Well I guess, but the question is how you would feel about dating married men/women, not "how would you feel about dating someone who is betraying their partner". It's a different question

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Well I guess, but the question is how you would feel about dating married men/women, not "how would you feel about dating someone who is betraying their partner". It's a different question

I was being silly, for every liar there is someone telling the truth.

[user104658]

Anyway, my answer is that life is life (and you only get one!) and adults are adults and everyone is different, so what it comes down to at the end of the day, is honesty. Someone who would lie / cheat / betray is not someone you should easily trust, and I would say likewise, someone who is OK with being "the other person" knowing that someone is being betrayed, is probably also not a good person. The concept of ethical non-monogamy though is not really a moral question so much as a personal choice; if everyone involved is OK, it shouldn't be for anyone else to judge. I do often feel like people coast through life making fewer meaningful connections than they could (obviously that doesn't have to involve sex! Just the whole thing, close friendships, emotional connections) and end up in their elderly years with some regrets? It's definitely not black and white, for me.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Like if it were an open relationship? I'm sure that excuse is used alot But for me, even if it were a genuine open relationship, I don't share and am not into open relationships so it would be a no from me

Out of interest on that point though, where is the "line" though or where should it be? Everyone seems to be different, even if you're talking platonic relationships... Some people are OK with their partner having deep connections with others regardless of gender (which should be irrelevant in a platonic friendship really) but I know a lot of people who simply don't like to think of their partner having deep / complex personal relationships with other people even of the purely non-sexual variety. Is it / should it be a problem? Is it purely down to insecurity? I think often people have trust issues and assume that there "must" be more to it.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Out of interest on that point though, where is the "line" though or where should it be? Everyone seems to be different, even if you're talking platonic relationships... Some people are OK with their partner having deep connections with others regardless of gender (which should be irrelevant in a platonic friendship really) but I know a lot of people who simply don't like to think of their partner having deep / complex personal relationships with other people even of the purely non-sexual variety. Is it / should it be a problem? Is it purely down to insecurity? I think often people have trust issues and assume that there "must" be more to it.

I don't know, Gav doesn't have any close female friends besides his sister and I don't have any close male friends besides my brothers so it's never been an issue for us. I do think alot of people would find it difficult to have a purely platonic relationship with the opposite sex though, from what I've experienced usually atleast one of the parties involved fancies the other

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I don't know, Gav doesn't have any close female friends besides his sister and I don't have any close male friends besides my brothers so it's never been an issue for us. I do think alot of people would find it difficult to have a purely platonic relationship with the opposite sex though, from what I've experienced usually atleast one of the parties involved fancies the other

So its the "when Harry met Sally" question then (I think it's Harry that insists men and women can't be just friends). I'm not convinced though - I don't think "fancying" someone is a huge deal and it's a million miles from having something actually happen beyond just that... I also tend to think that anyone who claims that during a long term relationship they have NEVER even vaguely fancied anyone else is probably not being entirely honest .

I've been thinking a lot lately, about life, about how really it's all about connections, about how I don't have as many as I'd probably like at this point and about some really good connections that I've had in the past and let go of carelessly. I think a lot of the world is pretty lonely, I guess, and that ironically part of the cause of that is insecurity and jealousy. I've even seen plenty of people get insecure about their partners having deep connections with old friends of the same sex. Jealous of time spent with them, etc. Which I understand when people have generally busy lives but I dunno. Just wish I properly "knew" more people beyond superficial niceties.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

So its the "when Harry met Sally" question then (I think it's Harry that insists men and women can't be just friends). I'm not convinced though - I don't think "fancying" someone is a huge deal and it's a million miles from having something actually happen beyond just that... I also tend to think that anyone who claims that during a long term relationship they have NEVER even vaguely fancied anyone else is probably not being entirely honest .

I've been thinking a lot lately, about life, about how really it's all about connections, about how I don't have as many as I'd probably like at this point and about some really good connections that I've had in the past and let go of carelessly. I think a lot of the world is pretty lonely, I guess, and that ironically part of the cause of that is insecurity and jealousy. I've even seen plenty of people get insecure about their partners having deep connections with old friends of the same sex. Jealous of time spent with them, etc. Which I understand when people have generally busy lives but I dunno. Just wish I properly "knew" more people beyond superficial niceties.

Oh God, I'm the opposite, I have 4 close girlfriends and tbh it's hard enough trying to keep the connection with them and my family both my own husband and kids and my brothers and mom, Gavs family without trying to add other people into the mix too!

as for your point about fancying people, of course you're going to fancy other people or atleast notice that someone is attractive, I'm not saying that at all but spending time working on "connections" with someone you also find attractive is dangerous ground really.......imo anyhow

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

So its the "when Harry met Sally" question then (I think it's Harry that insists men and women can't be just friends). I'm not convinced though - I don't think "fancying" someone is a huge deal and it's a million miles from having something actually happen beyond just that... I also tend to think that anyone who claims that during a long term relationship they have NEVER even vaguely fancied anyone else is probably not being entirely honest .

I've been thinking a lot lately, about life, about how really it's all about connections, about how I don't have as many as I'd probably like at this point and about some really good connections that I've had in the past and let go of carelessly. I think a lot of the world is pretty lonely, I guess, and that ironically part of the cause of that is insecurity and jealousy. I've even seen plenty of people get insecure about their partners having deep connections with old friends of the same sex. Jealous of time spent with them, etc. Which I understand when people have generally busy lives but I dunno. Just wish I properly "knew" more people beyond superficial niceties.

Couldn't agree with a post more

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Mokka

Couldn't agree with a post more

Genuinely needed to hear that tonight so, thankyou. I feel like such an alien sometimes .

[Mokka]

I think...and this is slightly off topic but relating to TS's post...that we as a society have stigmatized children from a young age to not be able to have just general friendships across gender... and I bothers me greatly. I have plenty of male acquaintances that I never think of in a sexual manner...maybe not best friends...but some are deeper friendships. I also encourage my children towards the same. Not every relationship with the opposite sex needs to be or should be sexual lyrics charged.

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Genuinely needed to hear that tonight so, thankyou. I feel like such an alien sometimes .

Awww, you too on here? Sometimes I think it's my Canadian-Ness that makes me feel like that.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Mokka

I think...and this is slightly off topic but relating to TS's post...that we as a society have stigmatized children from a young age to not be able to have just general friendships across gender... and I bothers me greatly. I have plenty of male acquaintances that I never think of in a sexual manner...maybe not best friends...but some are deeper friendships. I also encourage my children towards the same. Not every relationship with the opposite sex needs to be or should be sexual lyrics charged.

I've noticed that too. I have a six year old daughter who has always had male friends but it seems like they get to this age (6/7) and as soon as a boys name is casually mentioned there's a lot of nudging, winking, chuckling and "woooo is that your BOYfriend??" from adults. Obviously people are just finding it cute but like you say, it adds that "different" element to cross-reference friendships. I mean... She may get not even grow up to be straight, but no one whistles and asks if the girl down the street is her girlfriend when she mentions her .

Originally Posted by Mokka

Awww, you too on here? Sometimes I think it's my Canadian-Ness that makes me feel like that.

Pretty much everywhere to be honest! I don't bother so much on here. Luckily I seem to be able to blend in seamlessly... But I find myself most of the time just not sharing my real thoughts and opinions because I don't want to out myself as being utterly bizarre (to most) .

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

I've noticed that too. I have a six year old daughter who has always had male friends but it seems like they get to this age (6/7) and as soon as a boys name is casually mentioned there's a lot of nudging, winking, chuckling and "woooo is that your BOYfriend??" from adults. Obviously people are just finding it cute but like you say, it adds that "different" element to cross-reference friendships. I mean... She may get not even grow up to be straight, but no one whistles and asks if the girl down the street is her girlfriend when she mentions her .

Pretty much everywhere to be honest! I don't bother so much on here. Luckily I seem to be able to blend in seamlessly... But I find myself most of the time just not sharing my real thoughts and opinions because I don't want to out myself as being utterly bizarre (to most) .

Omg...exactly what I think and saw with my kids. And then there was suddenly this age where girls wouldn't go to boys birthday parties and vice versa... just terrible.

And man... I always think I am the bizarre one in the room/crowd... but I am am selective on who I share certain opinions with for sure... people can be very touchy.

[Kyle]

I agree with the alien but yet I also agree with Niamh.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

So its the "when Harry met Sally" question then (I think it's Harry that insists men and women can't be just friends). I'm not convinced though - I don't think "fancying" someone is a huge deal and it's a million miles from having something actually happen beyond just that... I also tend to think that anyone who claims that during a long term relationship they have NEVER even vaguely fancied anyone else is probably not being entirely honest .

I've been thinking a lot lately, about life, about how really it's all about connections, about how I don't have as many as I'd probably like at this point and about some really good connections that I've had in the past and let go of carelessly. I think a lot of the world is pretty lonely, I guess, and that ironically part of the cause of that is insecurity and jealousy. I've even seen plenty of people get insecure about their partners having deep connections with old friends of the same sex. Jealous of time spent with them, etc. Which I understand when people have generally busy lives but I dunno. Just wish I properly "knew" more people beyond superficial niceties.

..that to me really is the 'meaning of life', the connections that we make and the lives we touch/those who touch ours etc....because when we're gone, that's really (for me) all there is for our time here on earth....(just getting a bit deep and thought-filled as you seem to have..)...I recall when my dad died and I saw him and thinking that this wasn't my dad, this was an 'empty person'..so where was his spirit, where was that thing that made him, him..that sparkle/that energy..I mean it had to be somewhere because it wasn't a body that made him who he was...anyways..(because I haven't got much time, sorry/these are just quick thoughts..)...at his funeral, there were so many people who came, who he had 'connected with' in his life and I hadn't realised that those connections were so meaningful....and some from so long ago and yet those people felt that they wanted to spend some of their time coming to show him respect that day....that to me was his life, the meaning of it all and that he was still there in a way because he was there in the people he had connected to and in their hearts and in what he had meant to them...so yeah, I believe connections that we make are the meaning of our lives...for me anyway...(because I know meaning is different for everyone..)...


...you've had connections in the past, you say and have let go of them (carelessly..)...but maybe they were meant to be let go of and just 'passing through' a part of your life but not meant to stay..?.../connections also naturally change and evolve as well but I think that we often lose more than we keep...I don't have lots and lots of friends/people I'm close to and connect with but the ones I do have are all very long term friends..but some of those connections have changed slightly in that we can't always see each other so much etc and our lives often divert off on different roads but we still connect at that 'meeting point' whenever we're able to....the 'jealousy/insecurity' of any friendships, I have..is not really something that I've experienced from my partner but that's the trust thing as well, isn't it and a full circle around to 'dating married people'....if it is just close friendships those are people's own individual insecurities and lacking in confidences and maybe based on life experiences as well....