[MB.]

#25



Points: 100

Sam Quek was an unexpected star of the most recent season of I’m a Celebrity, mostly because the majority of the cast were boring or sucky human beings. Sam, however, was a fun/nice/entertaining/at the very least not boring or sucky person, and I’m sure you can tell that I didn’t watch much of this series because otherwise I’d have much, much more to say about Sam Quek. Or maybe I wouldn’t, because Sam didn’t actually get much of an edit, instead being pushed aside for such valuable stars as him from Emmerdale and her from Gogglebox. Still, she made Celebrity Cyclone, and as Scarlett will have you know, that’s the best thing that can possibly happen to anyone ever. In a way, it’s fitting that she became an unexpected star, because she and the rest of the Team GB hockey squad became the surprise stars of the Rio Olympics and oh god I don’t really watch sport either can I talk about Drag Race or something instead, what about that Phi Phi O’Hara, what a bitch, bet she didn’t even want to be there in the first place, I'm glad that nice Alyssa girl with the tongue pops and whatnot replaced her. She seems nice.

[Cal.]

Sam SO glad she got 4th. Expected her to be one of the first out.

[Daniel-X]

Sam making top 25 against all odds

ZAZ STILL IN THE RUNNING *shakes her tits*

[Calderyon]

7 out of 25 in my list on the top 25. Not very good, i guess.

[Daniel-X]

Expecting a Saara/Tiffany F2 with a surprise Saara win.

[EspeonBB]

Sam An underrated delight

[Daniel-X]

I SWEAR to God if Joel places higher than My Zaz.

[MB.]

=23



Points: 107

Carol Vorderman is an undeniable national treasure, and that’s why it was thoroughly disappointing that she didn’t really last that long in this year’s I’m a Celebrity. Plus, for the time that she did last, she was a bit of a bottomgoddess, which kind of makes it worse when you remember the kind of detritus she was living with. I wrote almost the exact same thing for Lisa Snowdon, which is depressing to say the least. #Justice4WomenWhoAre40AndOlder2k16. I’m kind of at a loss as to what to write for the remainder of this entry, so how about you just imagine that the Countdown theme is playing as you read this. That’s right. The Countdown theme. Doo doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo. You know the one. Thirty whole seconds of it. Keep going. Doo doo doo doo… you can hear it now, can’t you? The monotonous ticking, as it grows louder and louder, drilling into your skull, hammering into your brain, making it into the cracks of your very being, writhing around in there, as if it’s some kind of parasite, like a tapeworm, as if it’s going to eat your head from the inside out, and it won’t stop until it’s done. Doodley doo, bong! There we go. You’re free now. Or are you?

=23



Points: 107

Natalie Her existence was one of the few things to be thankful for when it comes to BBUS18, which was generally just a minefield of horrible Grodnerisms and douchey people doing bland things. Starting the game in the minority along with her fellow Spy Girls (lol what a mess of an alliance <3), she managed to make it pretty far into the game, adding a bit of lightness to the awful stuff unfolding around her. I feel as if I'm writing a variation on that sentence often tonight. I wonder why. Anyway, now she's been married to James for four years and they've got seventeen kids and they've got a house and everything. Good luck to them.

ps:

[Macie Lightfoot]

I am forever thankful that Natalie orchestrated Zakiyah's eviction and in turn Paulie's eviction, giving us the only ~five good days of BBUS18 I think MB referred to it as the Paulie Pile-On? what an appropriate name.

[Calderyon]

Oh, i had eight there. Now only 6 left.

[caprimint]

Mess @ there being only 1 guy left. Sums up this forum.

Grainne, Ken and Adam all placing by each other (Should all be higher too)

[MB.]

#22



Points: 111

The highest non-Saara entry from The X Factor in this year's ranking, Relley was a rare breed of X Factor contestant - one who can sing! Hahaha. Oh, the hilarity. But the fact that she was pushed aside early on in favour of people with dead relatives and dodgy gangster accents didn't bode well for our Relley, who went under the radar until the live shows. Until, of course, she did Shackles (Praise You). Afaik it was at that exact moment that several people were reported to have lost their virginity and several others converted to a new religion, the Church of Latter Day Relleys. This was surely to be the first step in Relley C's global domination, especially if she could continue to knock it out of the figurative park with similar performances. And then she had a few ballads, which, sure, that's pretty standard for any X Factor act, doesn't mean anything-oh except for the ****ing power vote or bottom three lifeline or #SaveATwink or whatever the hell it was called, because Relley, who wouldn't have otherwise been in the sing-off, had to face off against some girl group, and because this show sucks armadillo tits (do armadillos have tits? Also, what's an armadillo?), she went home. It's almost as if there have been quite a few bad results in 2016.

[Daniel-X]

I'm literally SCREAMING @ #SaveATwink djdkdndjdjd

[caprimint]

Who knew Hayden could powervote

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Stephangel Davis

I SWEAR to God if Joel places higher than My Zaz.

...yeah sorry 'bout that

#21



Points: 114

Highest from Love Island

Despite being the huge Love Island fan that I am, I thought I'd hand this particular write-up over to somebody who's even more dedicated than moi...

Zara is literally LIFE. She is literally a producers wet dream. Miss Holland carried Love Island during her three weeks on the show and cemented herself as an RTV legend and TIBB fave. Her whole story arc of desperately searching for a man, annoying them with her clinginess and OTT personality and ultimately being rejected time and time again was GREAT TV and by far one of the best storylines this year. Miss GB was destined to be a villain though and ultimately her crown slipped (quite literally!) when she engaged in sex with Alex (it was worth it tbqh Zara) and after she went the show ultimately died. Miss GB is one of the best RTV contestants of all time and I won't here a bad word against her. Fin.

~ DanielX

[Pete.]

Rells

[MB.]

The top 20 in all their glory:

Alana Spencer
Alecia Holden
Angie Bowie
Aubrey O'Day
Cassandra Shahinfar
Charlie Doherty
Da'Vonne Rogers
Debbie Wanner
Evelyn Ellis
Gemma Collins
Jayne Connery
Jessica Cunningham
Joel Dommett
Laura Carter
Loveita Adams
Megan McKenna
Nikki Grahame
Renee Graziano
Saara Aalto
Tiffany Pollard

[Calderyon]

5 in top 20. Improvement.

[Jason.]

Zara

[Cal.]

Her slipping the fact she was Miss GB into every conversation she had with her fellow islanders<333

(Made even more funny by the fact she wasn't even the only Miss GB in the cast because Sophie won it as well<3)

(OH and to add to Sophie's write-up, she also managed to go viral when Zara left for standing up for the outdated concept of Zara being stripped of her crown for having sex by proclaiming 'WOMEN LOVE TO HAVE SEX!' in a flowing black gown in front of the rest of the Islanders )

[MB.]

#20



Points: 115

RAAAGH AAARGH YOU FUCKING LITTLE AAGH FUCK SAKE YOU GHETTO LITTLE PRICK FUCKING HELL ARGH WHAT THE ACTUAL LIVING FUCKING HELL ARE YOU WHAT IS THIS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME LOOK AT ME NO LOOK AT ME I SAID LOOK AT MY LITTLE FUCKING FACE JONATHAN I'M GONNA FUCKING KICK THIS FUCKING DOOR DOWN YOU FUCKING RAAAGH THAT SMUG FUCKING PRICK IS HE SHITTING ME OR WHAT I'LL NUT THE FUCKING BASTARD omg hi hun I love your make-up

Above: a fairly accurate portrayal of Megan McKenna's time in the Celebrity Big Brother house (I guess there's a little humour in the fact that she was evicted off the back of the only nomination she received all series, that nomination being from John Partridge) (but only a little)

[Cal.]

Oh yes Megs won

[Macie Lightfoot]

Megan "little ****ing face" McKenna

[Cal.]

The fact she's a millionaire now and well on her way to becoming this generation's Katie Price

[Daniel-X]

The Nations Sweetheart Zara Ann Holland Zaz deserved AT LEAST F5, you're all a bunch of nasty gits.