[user104658]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I'm not very comfortable speaking about my daughter in this context tbqh but it certainly wouldn't cross my mind in this situation because it would come across like I was blaming her instead of the rapist.

I guess the question is though (and yeah I hate imagining my own kids in these scenarios, too) not how would you react if something DID happen to them but... If nothing happened? Like you know they're home safe and sound and nothing bad happened, and then their friend is like "She went off with random people in a car at one point". Like even if those people were actually totally on the level... I'd still be a bit like "Wtf why would you do that?"

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

I guess the question is though (and yeah I hate imagining my own kids in these scenarios, too) not how would you react if something DID happen to them but... If nothing happened? Like you know they're home safe and sound and nothing bad happened, and then their friend is like "She went off with random people in a car at one point". Like even if those people were actually totally on the level... I'd still be a bit like "Wtf why would you do that?"

Oh yeah of course, you want your kids to be safe always but equally can you imagine something like this happening and getting annoyed with your child rather than the rapist? of course not because it would sound like you were giving some of the blame to them which would be very wrong

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Oh yeah of course, you want your kids to be safe always but equally can you imagine something like this happening and getting annoyed with your child rather than the rapist? of course not because it would sound like you were giving some of the blame to them which would be very wrong

Well no, and I do think that's part of the problem especially on social media etc (and news website comments... Those are the absolute worst) where it really does come across as a "well, what do you expect?" in the sense that the attackers shouldn't even be blamed or were "encouraged" or similar. But then I do think it can go too far the other way to the point where people are enabled or almost encouraged to engage in risky behaviour because "it SHOULD be fine to do these things and not have to feel at risk". Which is true; it should be fine... But it isn't... It is risky. Its almost like the message is "do it anyway" as a sort of protest move? But the idea that we can push and protest and change things, or educate people, to the point where these situations are "safe" is madness. The reality is that the world is full of dangerous individuals who will take advantage of and harm others for their own gain and enjoyment, and we can and obviously should punish them if they are caught doing that, but there will always be more of them in waiting.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Well no, and I do think that's part of the problem especially on social media etc (and news website comments... Those are the absolute worst) where it really does come across as a "well, what do you expect?" in the sense that the attackers shouldn't even be blamed or were "encouraged" or similar. But then I do think it can go too far the other way to the point where people are enabled or almost encouraged to engage in risky behaviour because "it SHOULD be fine to do these things and not have to feel at risk". Which is true; it should be fine... But it isn't... It is risky. Its almost like the message is "do it anyway" as a sort of protest move? But the idea that we can push and protest and change things, or educate people, to the point where these situations are "safe" is madness. The reality is that the world is full of dangerous individuals who will take advantage of and harm others for their own gain and enjoyment, and we can and obviously should punish them if they are caught doing that, but there will always be more of them in waiting.

I suppose, there's a time and a place for it and imo saying it (and it gets said sfm around rape cases) in conversations around rape cases makes it sound like victim blaming (and a lot of times its very purposefully victim blaming)