[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Amy Jade

Still not my fault. I owe nobody my loyalty if im single.

Oh, the responsibility of the cheating is solely on the person who's in a relationship/married etc. But to think it absolves you/the other person of ANY blame is completely false IMO.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Amy Jade

Still not my fault. I owe nobody my loyalty if im single.

You'll change your tune when you come home to your husband nobbing your next door neighbours daughter one day.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Kyle

You'll change your tune when you come home to your husband nobbing your next door neighbours daughter one day.

You watch too much porn.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Marsh.

You watch too much porn.

What? My doctor said it was good for me. Also makes the sheep nearby sleep a lot soundly at night too.

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by Kyle

What? My doctor said it was good for me. Also makes the sheep nearby sleep a lot soundly at night too.

[Jack_]

Amy's right on this one. The only person that's responsible for a relationship is the people who are in it, if you're single it's not your problem.

Does it make you a bit of a dick? Probably, but it's still the fault of the person in the relationship for jeopardising it I hate nothing more than when it transpires someone cheats and the single party gets blamed (usually the woman) and screamed at while often the cheater gets away with it, it's sexist nonsense that shouldn't be encouraged

To answer the question...a married person? I really don't think so. In fact, 'dating' is probably a bit too strong regardless. I don't think I could personally ~date~ someone who was in a relationship, it just seems a bit pointless, you aren't exactly the priority and it's a little too much. But if I were drunk and the opportunity of a one off thing presented itself? Eh, I don't know...maybe. It's one of those things I don't think I'd truly know until I was in the situation - a penis/head dilemma

[Lostie!]

Originally Posted by Jack_

Amy's right on this one. The only person that's responsible for a relationship is the people who are in it, if you're single it's not your problem.

Does it make you a bit of a dick? Probably, but it's still the fault of the person in the relationship for jeopardising it I hate nothing more than when it transpires someone cheats and the single party gets blamed (usually the woman) and screamed at while often the cheater gets away with it, it's sexist nonsense that shouldn't be encouraged

To answer the question...a married person? I really don't think so. In fact, 'dating' is probably a bit too strong regardless. I don't think I could personally ~date~ someone who was in a relationship, it just seems a bit pointless, you aren't exactly the priority and it's a little too much. But if I were drunk and the opportunity of a one off thing presented itself? Eh, I don't know...maybe. It's one of those things I don't think I'd truly know until I was in the situation - a penis/head dilemma

And nobody here is encouraging that. Quite the opposite actually, people are simply holding both parties equally to account, as they should be.

[Jack_]

Originally Posted by Lostie!

And nobody here is encouraging that. Quite the opposite actually, people are simply holding both parties equally to account, as they should be.

I didn't say anybody was, it was a generalised remark...let's not go down this road again.

Both parties are not on the same level of blame in the slightest. One is in a relationship, the other is not. The only people responsible for maintaining a relationship are the people in it, it's their relationship and nobody else's. If you cheat, that's your fault and your problem. If you're the third party then yeah sure it's a bit twatty to go along with it, but it's not your relationship and strictly speaking as a single person you're entitled to do what you like.

All of the blame (or at least the majority of it) lies with the person in the relationship, it's not 50/50 by any stretch of the imagination.

[Lostie!]

Originally Posted by Jack_

I didn't say anybody was, it was a generalised remark...let's not go down this road again.

Both parties are not on the same level of blame in the slightest. One is in a relationship, the other is not. The only people responsible for maintaining a relationship are the people in it, it's their relationship and nobody else's. If you cheat, that's your fault and your problem. If you're the third party then yeah sure it's a bit twatty to go along with it, but it's not your relationship and strictly speaking as a single person you're entitled to do what you like.

All of the blame (or at least the majority of it) lies with the person in the relationship, it's not 50/50 by any stretch of the imagination.

I wasn't going down any "road"

And I'd just find it really spineless if someone would willingly go with someone they know is cheating and then turn around and say "Not my fault, not my problem". I wouldn't blame them any more than my partner (I agree that's nonsense) but I certainly wouldn't blame them any less either. Both people involved would have shown themselves have a pretty ****ed up moral compass as far as I'm concerned.

Unless the other person genuinely didn't know, they absolutely deserve to be judged for their part and I'll always stand by that.

[Jack_]

Originally Posted by Lostie!

I wasn't going down any "road"

And I'd just find it really spineless if someone would willingly go with someone they know is cheating and then turn around and say "Not my fault, not my problem". I wouldn't blame them any more than my partner (I agree that's nonsense) but I certainly wouldn't blame them any less either. Both people involved would have shown themselves have a pretty ****ed up moral compass as far as I'm concerned.

Unless the other person genuinely didn't know, they absolutely deserve to be judged for their part and I'll always stand by that.

But the single party isn't responsible for someone else's relationship. I understand why people think it's morally wrong and makes you a bit of a dick - I'm not saying I disagree - but the bottom line of it is that the only people who are responsible for maintaining a relationship are the people in it. Conversely, you can actually end up in a scenario where the cheater can protest 'but they came onto me and I couldn't resist, I'm so sorry but they were really trying it ' and I don't think that should be used to either blame the third party more (which I know you've said you agree) or indeed just as much as the cheater. The two people are not in the same positions, one is single, the other is the one in the relationship.

Ultimately we're never going to agree on this though and it's probably for the best that we don't have an argument about it

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

married dick

[Will.]

If you know the man/woman is married then have some basic moral values and stay the **** away.

[LukeB]

Probably not especially if they have kids that's more awful but if I have feelings for them then I don't know.

[Lostie!]

Originally Posted by LukeB

Probably not especially if they have kids that's more awful but if I have feelings for them then I don't know.

But even if you had feelings for them, wouldn't you rather they reciprocate that by entering a proper relationship with you rather than having you as their bit on the side while they continue to be married?

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Lostie!

But even if you had feelings for them, wouldn't you rather they reciprocate that by entering a proper relationship with you rather than having you as their bit on the side while they continue to be married?

Yeah, I think cheating with a married/committed person shows a lack of self respect really, never mind for anyone else.

[Dollface]

Originally Posted by LukeB

Probably not especially if they have kids that's more awful but if I have feelings for them then I don't know.

That's exactly how I feel Luke (HI BTW long time no see!) I'd feel really guilty but if I had feeling for them I know the feelings would take over and turn me into a heartless lustful bitch BUT if kids were involved then I know that would detour me away from the bloke because I aint about to wreck a family. And before anyone says "OH BUT YOU'D HAPPILY WRECK A MARRIAGE YOU SWINE" I don't think wrecking a marriage is as bad because people break up ALL the time

[LukeB]

Originally Posted by Dollface

That's exactly how I feel Luke (HI BTW long time no see!) I'd feel really guilty but if I had feeling for them I know the feelings would take over and turn me into a heartless lustful bitch BUT if kids were involved then I know that would detour me away from the bloke because I aint about to wreck a family. And before anyone says "OH BUT YOU'D HAPPILY WRECK A MARRIAGE YOU SWINE" I don't think wrecking a marriage is as bad because people break up ALL the time

Long time no speak indeed

Yeah I wouldn't go near a family because that has more effect on the children , but if I had feelings for this guy and they are married and they are not happy in their marriage I will most likely date them but tell them to end it when they are ready. Some people only stay in marriage because they will be lonely and feel they need to, so I could be one to give him a reason he doesn't need to stay in a marriage. If they are happy then no I wouldn't go there tbh.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Dollface

That's exactly how I feel Luke (HI BTW long time no see!) I'd feel really guilty but if I had feeling for them I know the feelings would take over and turn me into a heartless lustful bitch BUT if kids were involved then I know that would detour me away from the bloke because I aint about to wreck a family. And before anyone says "OH BUT YOU'D HAPPILY WRECK A MARRIAGE YOU SWINE" I don't think wrecking a marriage is as bad because people break up ALL the time

That's a silly excuse though.

That's like saying, murder isn't that bad because people die ALL the time.

[Dollface]

Originally Posted by LukeB

Long time no speak indeed

Yeah I wouldn't go near a family because that has more effect on the children , but if I had feelings for this guy and they are married and they are not happy in their marriage I will most likely date them but tell them to end it when they are ready. Some people only stay in marriage because they they will be lonely and feel they need to, so I could be one to give him a reason he doesn't need to stay in a marriage. If they are happy then no I wouldn't go there tbh.

Yeah exactly like if they are willing to cheat, obviously they're not happy in their marriage and would most likely end it eventually anyway regardless of whether or not we were to date them. And also i'm kinda selfish and think, if I have feelings for someone, why should I not pursue him just because he was stupid enough to marry someone he's not fully in love with.

Originally Posted by Marsh.

That's a silly excuse though.

That's like saying, murder isn't that bad because people die ALL the time.

It's not like that at all

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by Dollface

Yeah exactly like if they are willing to cheat, obviously they're not happy in their marriage and would most likely end it eventually anyway regardless of whether or not we were to date them. And also i'm kinda selfish and think, if I have feelings for someone, why should I not pursue him just because he was stupid enough to marry someone he's not fully in love with.



It's not like that at all

Why would you want to be with someone who wasn't mature enough to end it first ... before dating others. It's allowing yourself to be a crutch and setting yourself up for a codependent relationship to allow someone else to use you like that

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Dollface

That's exactly how I feel Luke (HI BTW long time no see!) I'd feel really guilty but if I had feeling for them I know the feelings would take over and turn me into a heartless lustful bitch BUT if kids were involved then I know that would detour me away from the bloke because I aint about to wreck a family. And before anyone says "OH BUT YOU'D HAPPILY WRECK A MARRIAGE YOU SWINE" I don't think wrecking a marriage is as bad because people break up ALL the time

Just out of interest (and this isn't me judging you btw or anything) but say you were married for 5 years with some guy and a women co-worker of his who knew fine well he was married to you lusted after him so badly and eventually got him into bed.

Now despite the fact your husband is clearly in the wrong and the ultimate wrongdoer in this affair let's put that aside and think about the woman for one second. How would you ultimately feel about her knowing that she lusted after your husband and despite knowing he was married to you made every effort she could to get him in the sack. Would you shrug your shoulders and feel 'ah well it's fair game at the end of the day' or would you feel some sort of resentment towards her for her actions?

[Dollface]

Originally Posted by Kyle

Just out of interest (and this isn't me judging you btw or anything) but say you were married for 5 years with some guy and a women co-worker of his who knew fine well he was married to you lusted after him so badly and eventually got him into bed.

Now despite the fact your husband is clearly in the wrong and the ultimate wrongdoer in this affair let's put that aside and think about the woman for one second. How would you ultimately feel about her knowing that she lusted after your husband and despite knowing he was married to you made every effort she could to get him in the sack. Would you shrug your shoulders and feel 'ah well it's fair game at the end of the day' or would you feel some sort of resentment towards her for her actions?

That is a very valid point, I would hate for it to happen to me and I would DETEST the woman that slept with my husband, I'd think she was a slut and I'd probably hate her even more than I hate him even though his actions were slightly worse. So yes it's a weird one...
I personally wouldn't have a relationship with a married man purely sexually based, there would have to be feelings/love involved for me to let my morals slip enough to sleep with someone that has a wife. I'm not even sure I would do something like that, but right now i'm kinda desperate for a man to love me lol so in the mindset i'm in right now, I probably would, though any other time i've been like "EW any girl that sleeps with a married man is disgusting" so I'm not 100% sure if I could actually stoop so low.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Dollface

That is a very valid point, I would hate for it to happen to me and I would DETEST the woman that slept with my husband, I'd think she was a slut and I'd probably hate her even more than I hate him even though his actions were slightly worse. So yes it's a weird one...
I personally wouldn't have a relationship with a married man purely sexually based, there would have to be feelings/love involved for me to let my morals slip enough to sleep with someone that has a wife. I'm not even sure I would do something like that, but right now i'm kinda desperate for a man to love me lol so in the mindset i'm in right now, I probably would, though any other time i've been like "EW any girl that sleeps with a married man is disgusting" so I'm not 100% sure if I could actually stoop so low.

Fair and honest answer thanks.

Don't worry though, you'll find someone soon enough no doubt. And in the unlikely chance that you don't there's always 'the truth' you can fall back on. He desperately needs a good woman to make an honest man of him

[Livia]

If he cheats for you he'll cheat on you.

[Jack_]

Originally Posted by Livia

If he cheats for you he'll cheat on you.

This is probably another reason why 'dating' would be out of the question, surely. A one off though? Not the same circumstances.