[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

its a throw back to when women were house wives. They didnt have an income and were therefore entirely reliant on the husband.

Financially maybe but I don't see how that means they were in his family. I still find this thread really sexist

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

Financially maybe but I don't see how that means they were in his family. I still find this thread really sexist

Like I say these aren’t my views. I’m just highlighting something that hasn’t been completely faded out even in 2018.

[DemolitionRed]

In a lot of Sikh, Hindu or Muslim households, including and especially those in the UK, its often marital tradition for the bride to move in with her new father/mother-inlaw. In fact, during these antiquated wedding ceremonies, the bride is expected to weep as she says goodbye to her parents. Its also traditional for the brides father to pay for the entire wedding.

Fortunately, more and more women are refusing to go along with these ridiculous traditions. Give it time and it will all die out.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

Like I say these aren’t my views. I’m just highlighting something that hasn’t been completely faded out even in 2018.

But you still haven't explained what you mean by joining his family and not the other way around

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

But you still haven't explained what you mean by joining his family and not the other way around

I’m sure you know what I’m saying. It might not be as widespread as it was(and rightly so) but you must’ve heard about the expression that a woman marries into her husband’s family. It’s not right but you must know what I mean.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

I’m sure you know what I’m saying. It might not be as widespread as it was(and rightly so) but you must’ve heard about the expression that a woman marries into her husband’s family. It’s not right but you must know what I mean.

No I honestly don't

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Redway

Exactly. I know we’re part of an enlightened era but we can’t pretend that certain things never happened even 30 years ago.

Not in my family, equality all the way.
Even my mother and grandmother would not be dictated too.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

No I honestly don't

It is "traditionally" a real thing though, it's where the whole father of the bride "giving his daughter away" phrase comes from... it's all sort of symbolic... the father of the bride walks her down the aisle to the alter where new hubby waits, and then he "hands her over" into the care of the husband.

It *IS* an extremely sexist ideology and I find it odd that it's a tradition that persists (at least the symbolic parts of the wedding itself) but the throwbacks are there.

I personally don't see it as still existing in the west these days, though. Like I said I tend to find that maternal extended family are if anything MORE involved, though obviously this isn't always the case.

[Northern Monkey]

Yeah I don’t think any indigenous westerners actually think that when the father gives the bride away that they’re literally giving her away and they won’t see her again
It’s just part of the ceremony from the times when men were the only bread winners and had to look after the wife financially.People like the traditional wedding still.

[Marsh.]

Tbh, in recent weddings I've been to more and more weddings where the bride walks down the aisle alone.

Like she's followed by her brides maids and flower girls but she doesn't link arms with a man going down the aisle.

[DemolitionRed]

It wasn't that long ago when it was only the bride who was expected to wear a ring on her finger. Its only in more recent years that both families are expected to pay for the wedding or not pay for it at all and let the bride and groom foot the costs.
Its not so long ago that a brides vows were to 'love, honor and obey'.

All of these things are based on Christian values where the wife was deemed as meek and virtuous.

Bible teachings include:
Men should have authority over women and wives should obey their husbands
A woman's primary role is to procreate and bring up children
Women are more prone to sin
Women cannot be priests
Women should be sexually pure
Women should dress modestly
Men can divorce their wives, but wives cannot divorce their husbands
Women (and men) should not use contraception
Rape of women is less bad than rape of men
http://www.philosopherkings.co.uk/Womeninthebible.html

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Mariah_Carey

Tbh, in recent weddings I've been to more and more weddings where the bride walks down the aisle alone.

Like she's followed by her brides maids and flower girls but she doesn't link arms with a man going down the aisle.

Me and my wife went in and walked to the front together hand in hand . But we just had a small non-religious thing with family and close friends. And we both found it all really cringeworthy so we sort of stood outside together psyching ourselves up, scurried to the front, ploughed through the vows, did the rings and let out a sigh of relief that it was done .

Honestly I really loved my wedding day... Just not the actual standing in front of everyone doing vows bit . We did the bare minimum legal requirement, haha

[Oliver_W]

My two "proper" relationships have been with one of each gender, and in both cases we each kind of joined each others families.

[MTVN]

Originally Posted by Toy Santa

IMO it more often happens the other way around - females (in general, of course) maintain stronger links with their family after leaving home than a lot of men do, and so after marriage / kids, it tends to be the maternal extended family that's more involved. . That's the way I've seen it work in the majority of cases, anyway.

I'd say I see more of that as well and so it seems to be men who complain more about the in laws being too interfering etc. unless I just spend more time in male company so have a skewed view of it

[waterhog]

Originally Posted by Redway

Beyond the whole thing about the woman taking on her husband’s surname, how common do people think a woman actually becoming part of her husband’s family (but obviously never the other way round) is in this day and age?

just minding my own this morning - some bird rosemary proposed to me and offered everything on a plate - house - money - everything.


I am only a man - ofcourse I accepted - this is 2017.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by waterhog

just minding my own this morning - some bird rosemary proposed to me and offered everything on a plate - house - money - everything.


I am only a man - ofcourse I accepted - this is 2017.

Congratulations you romantic devil.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

It wasn't that long ago when it was only the bride who was expected to wear a ring on her finger. Its only in more recent years that both families are expected to pay for the wedding or not pay for it at all and let the bride and groom foot the costs.
Its not so long ago that a brides vows were to 'love, honor and obey'.

All of these things are based on Christian values where the wife was deemed as meek and virtuous.

Bible teachings include:
Men should have authority over women and wives should obey their husbands
A woman's primary role is to procreate and bring up children
Women are more prone to sin
Women cannot be priests
Women should be sexually pure
Women should dress modestly
Men can divorce their wives, but wives cannot divorce their husbands
Women (and men) should not use contraception
Rape of women is less bad than rape of men
http://www.philosopherkings.co.uk/Womeninthebible.html

When was the last time “obey” was in a woman’s wedding vows?

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Redway

When was the last time “obey” was in a woman’s wedding vows?

Youtube video

And they all lived happily ever after, the end.

[Vicky.]

Like Niamh, I don't really understand this thread at all

I 'married into' my husbands family I guess but he also married into mine

[DemolitionRed]

Originally Posted by Redway

When was the last time “obey” was in a woman’s wedding vows?

Today?

People can still opt to use traditional wedding vows which includes 'obey'.
Up until 2006 you had to opt out of that vow so not very long ago at all.

[user104658]

Youtube video

...

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

Like Niamh, I don't really understand this thread at all

I 'married into' my husbands family I guess but he also married into mine

This thread's more about the historical implications of the whole thing though. I'm glad we're past those days but like someone else says it's traditionally a real thing.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

Today?

People can still opt to use traditional wedding vows which includes 'obey'.
Up until 2006 you had to opt out of that vow so not very long ago at all.

Not long ago at all. Archaic practises like that take time to fade out completely.

[armand.kay]

Wait so the woman would abandon her family?

[Redway]

Originally Posted by armand.kay

Wait so the woman would abandon her family?

I’m sure you’re only young but I can’t believe you don’t know about the historical background of marriage. Rooted in misogyny.