[Lewismacfarlane]

A friend has asked her if everything is ok between us but hasn't heard anything

[Oliver_W]

At 25 you can have a spouse, a couple of kids, and a nice house with a mortgage. Just because someone still lives at home, doesn't give their parents the right to dictate their friendships, especially when they don't even go and visit them.

[Lewismacfarlane]

I kinda think im in the wrong here

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I kinda think im in the wrong here

…awwww, you’re not in the wrong, Lewis……you’re concerned about a friendship that you value and don’t want to lose…but friendships are not always in our control by the very thing that there others and their situations and complications to consider in friendships as well…it’s not a thing of right or wrong with this, I don’t thing….I think it’s more just a friendship that may need to have time and space and patience right now to allow its future to be clearer for both of you…it’s a time that can focus on other friendships as well atm…don’t think right/wrong…think opportunities for friendship developments while this one sits a while and finds its own path…..…

[Amy Jade]

Honestly you're not wrong for trying to keep a friendship going but if she has special needs and her parents aren't okay with the friendship I think it's best to take a step back.

I'd be so over it if I were you, far too complicated for me to feel any investment, I hate friendships that you have to worry about this much.

[Amy Jade]

I just realised I sound like such an ice queen but I'm honestly not, I've just got a great group of friends and we are all really easy going and I can't be arsed with friendships you have to fight for

[Lewismacfarlane]

The other day we even spoke about meeting up soon after lockdown

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I kinda think im in the wrong here

It's not about being in the wrong really but friendships are two-sided and you can't create more of a friendship than the other person wants .

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

The other day we even spoke about meeting up soon after lockdown

Hmmm... do you mean meet up again, or have you actually never met this girl in person?

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

It's not about being in the wrong really but friendships are two-sided and you can't create more of a friendship than the other person wants .



Hmmm... do you mean meet up again, or have you actually never met this girl in person?

Yeah i mean meet up again and have a catch up

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

Yeah i mean meet up again and have a catch up

Ahh good I was about to declare catfish .

So you had talked about meeting up after lockdown, and then soon after she started talking about "not being allowed" to talk to you so much?

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Ahh good I was about to declare catfish .

So you had talked about meeting up after lockdown, and then soon after she started talking about "not being allowed" to talk to you so much?

We spoke about meeting up after lockdown but since then havent heard from her

[user104658]

To be honest I have a suspicion you talked about meeting up, she got nervous and now she’s trying to take a step back and the parents thing is an excuse. If they’ve not had an issue with it for 9 years it seems a bit bizarre they’d suddenly take issue now.

A couple of potential reasons really. Maybe she does see it as more than a friendship but thinks you don’t and is nervous about that.

Maybe she DOES just see it as a friendship and thinks you want more and is nervous about THAT.

Or a hundred other reasons really.

I think at this point, as you are both adults (I find the whole parents thing and referring to her as their “child” a bit odd for people in their 20’s, I can’t lie about that) the only thing you can really do is have a mature and open conversation about it, and make your own stance clear (that you really do just see her as a good friend, if that is indeed the case ) and see what she has to say. You have to do it yourself, not via a mutual friend. You’re not 15.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

To be honest I have a suspicion you talked about meeting up, she got nervous and now she’s trying to take a step back and the parents thing is an excuse. If they’ve not had an issue with it for 9 years it seems a bit bizarre they’d suddenly take issue now.

A couple of potential reasons really. Maybe she does see it as more than a friendship but thinks you don’t and is nervous about that.

Maybe she DOES just see it as a friendship and thinks you want more and is nervous about THAT.

Or a hundred other reasons really.

I think at this point, as you are both adults (I find the whole parents thing and referring to her as their “child” a bit odd for people in their 20’s, I can’t lie about that) the only thing you can really do is have a mature and open conversation about it, and make your own stance clear (that you really do just see her as a good friend, if that is indeed the case ) and see what she has to say. You have to do it yourself, not via a mutual friend. You’re not 15.

But she still may have the mindset of a child even though she is 25 I would of thought you would be more up on that

[user104658]

Honestly I would say even if she is on the spectrum she is clearly not significantly disabled, she is still an adult and she still has the right to autonomy. Obviously they want to protect her and absolutely should be protecting her from actual RISK, I.e. dodgy people or people who are trying to take advantage, but I don’t think that should extend to not letting her conduct her own friendships. If she is an adult and clearly capable of engaging in adult communication then she doesn’t have a serious learning disability that would warrant them having strict control over every aspect of her life.

That’s just personal opinion as the parent of an LD child though. Independence should be encouraged, so long as there’s no actual obvious danger. Like if you were a much older man or something.

[thesheriff443]

I have a 26 year old that is worldly wise but still loves buying toys and comic books suitable for kids on infant school

[Lewismacfarlane]

I think this has been a problem for a while with her parent's

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I think this has been a problem for a while with her parent's

To be totally honest no one on here can give definite advice because we just don’t know the full story.

Ammi gave you same great advice like others on here

Give the girl some space and see what happens because if you keep on seeking her out that may destroy any possibility of a friendship.

[user104658]

Honestly if she DOESN’T have a disability, and what she’s saying is true, I’m a bit concerned about these parents

[Lewismacfarlane]

Ive decided not to text her first and wait until she gets back to me

[Beso]

You should speak to her parents like the grown up you are.

[Lewismacfarlane]

Just to fill people in i think shes now blocked me on social media

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

Just to fill people in i think shes now blocked me on social media

She either has or she hasn’t
If she has a then that’s time to move on.

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

She either has or she hasn’t
If she has a then that’s time to move on.

Im sad but i think its for the best

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

There is a lot more going on in this friendship relationship thats not been said because it doesn’t add up.

I’m being a wanker here but are you or you friend on the spectrum autism Asperger’s ?
I’m saying this because of the parents being involved in a 25 year olds life.

Ridiculous.

To be on the spectrum you have to meet three criteria, communication, interaction and imagination. To have Asperger's you also have to meet that criteria, but it is not normally associated with a learning disability.

I don't see how you have come to that assumption based on being involved in someone's life who is 25 years old. Bizarre.

OP - This is a sad situation.

She doesn't like you in the way you want her to like you and my STRONG guess is that she has given you hints and you haven't taken them. All the rest is just bluff and excuses.

You are obsessing and overthinking. We've all been there to varying degrees.

I would suggest getting a hobby if you haven't already and do something to take your mind off of this situation.

She might be 25, but she's doing what girls do when they're not interested, albeit they probably wouldn't use their parents as a reason. You just haven't got the hint or been freaked enough to run the other way.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

Ridiculous.

To be on the spectrum you have to meet three criteria, communication, interaction and imagination. To have Asperger's you also have to meet that criteria, but it is not normally associated with a learning disability.

I don't see how you have come to that assumption based on being involved in someone's life who is 25 years old. Bizarre.

OP - This is a sad situation.

She doesn't like you in the way you want her to like you and my STRONG guess is that she has given you hints and you haven't taken them. All the rest is just bluff and excuses.

You are obsessing and overthinking. We've all been there to varying degrees.

I would suggest getting a hobby if you haven't already and do something to take your mind off of this situation.

She might be 25, but she's doing what girls do when they're not interested, albeit they probably wouldn't use their parents as a reason. You just haven't got the hint or been freaked enough to run the other way.

With all do respect I have a daughter who is 26 and has autism, for parents to be taking the phone away from a 25 year old that person must have issues in there life because parents don’t take phones away from 25 year old and 25 years would not let their parents take their phone away