[thesheriff443]

@niamh and toy soldier

What would your reaction be if your daughters do bring and older man home?

You can’t stop them from seeing an older person if that’s what they choose

Why is ok for you to call and 18 year old a child and yet at that age they can join the army and be killed.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

@niamh and toy soldier

What would your reaction be if your daughters do bring and older man home?

You can’t stop them from seeing an older person if that’s what they choose

Why is ok for you to call and 18 year old a child and yet at that age they can join the army and be killed.

My 17 (nearly 18 year old) is still very much a child to me. I wouldn't want him to join the Army either so not sure what your point there is? I already said up thread at least twice what my reaction would be

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

My 17 (nearly 18 year old) is still very much a child to me. I wouldn't want him to join the Army either so not sure what your point there is? I already said up thread at least twice what my reaction would be

My point is not all 18 year olds are the same or classed as children
I haven’t read every post but at the end of the day it’s not the parents that get to say who their offspring choose to date.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

My point is not all 18 year olds are the same or classed as children

I haven’t read every post but at the end of the day it’s not the parents that get to say who their offspring choose to date.

Well I kind of do when they're still in school and under my roof. .

[GoldHeart]

Plus you question the intentions of the much older person , like I said most the time it's about sex and money.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Well I kind of do when they're still in school and under my roof. .

Under the age of 18 you have a little bit of leverage but that I think, not while you are living under my roof is an outdated way of dealing with things.

Ts has a much better approach

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Well I kind of do when they're still in school and under my roof. .

It's not as clear cut as that because when a child reaches a certain age, 16+ the rights of parental responsibility diminish...18+ not at all.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

@niamh and toy soldier

What would your reaction be if your daughters do bring and older man home?

You can’t stop them from seeing an older person if that’s what they choose

You can't "stop" them but you can have an open and frank conversation with them, and you can watch that man like a hawk to ensure that she hasn't gotten herself into a bad situation. I very rarely "stop" my daughter from doing anything at all (within reason) but I do talk to her openly about the world, and people, and encourage her to think things through properly. So no I wouldn't "forbid" her from doing it - but I would tell her that I find the motivations and mindset of that older man to be suspect (and creepy).

Why is ok for you to call and 18 year old a child and yet at that age they can join the army and be killed.

That is horrendous as well, the fact that we still send teenagers off as soldiers is not "OK" at all for me.

[Livia]

I reckon there's a tiny minority of genuine love affairs between the very young and the very old and the rest is made up of young people attracted to money and power and old people attracted by youth and beauty.

[user104658]

My dad (who is 65+) is married to someone who is in her early 40's, they met when he was about 60 and she was in her mid 30's ... I have to admit I find it a little odd in the sense of ... why on earth is she attracted to my dad who is neither rich nor "young for his age" - he's genuinely pushing "little old man" status at this point. I mean, he's not poor, but he retired in his late 50's and is well into his pension pot already . Plus she's on about £50k herself and has no kids so it's not about that .

So yeah. I don't really "get it" and it's odd that someone who is technically my "stepmother" is basically the same age as my sister ... but I don't find their relationship creepy ... because again, it's not about the GAP so much as the AGE. Someone pushing 40 clearly knows what they're doing. Even over about 25, I'd still find it pretty strange, but there's a pretty big difference between a 25 year old and an 18 year old. I would genuinely always worry about the motivations of a GROWN UP adult (anyone over about 30) getting into a relationship with an 18 year old just out of school. It just feels like a huge imbalance in terms of life experience, and that sadly often ends up being controlling, and I think that's probably a large part of the appeal for many of these older partners.

[Oliver_W]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

My dad (who is 65+) is married to someone who is in her early 40's, they met when he was about 60 and she was in her mid 30's ... I have to admit I find it a little odd in the sense of ... why on earth is she attracted to my dad who is neither rich nor "young for his age" - he's genuinely pushing "little old man" status at this point. I mean, he's not poor, but he retired in his late 50's and is well into his pension pot already . Plus she's on about £50k herself and has no kids so it's not about that .

So yeah. I don't really "get it" and it's odd that someone who is technically my "stepmother" is basically the same age as my sister ... but I don't find their relationship creepy ... because again, it's not about the GAP so much as the AGE. Someone pushing 40 clearly knows what they're doing. Even over about 25, I'd still find it pretty strange, but there's a pretty big difference between a 25 year old and an 18 year old. I would genuinely always worry about the motivations of a GROWN UP adult (anyone over about 30) getting into a relationship with an 18 year old just out of school. It just feels like a huge imbalance in terms of life experience, and that sadly often ends up being controlling, and I think that's probably a large part of the appeal for many of these older partners.

Maybe she's playing the long game and wants YOU!

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Oliver_W

Maybe she's playing the long game and wants YOU!

Maybe

[joeysteele]

For me age is just a number.

As long as both are of a legal age and they both want to be together and are happy.
Why delay happiness.

Celebrities marry much younger people.

Often much more than 22 years between them too.

I do understand it can seem creepy or perhaps even unacceptable however too.

Personally I see no issue if they're happy.

[Vicky.]

I agree tbh

Infact found it creepy when an 18 year old hit on me not long ago. Yet I seem fine with 24. I think its just the age of the younger one thats a bit iffy tbh. Each to their own I guess but I couldn't do it.

[AnnieK]

I can look at it from two different angles.

When I was 21 I was with a guy a lot older than me for a good few years. He was very young minded and was far more laid back than I was. My folks were ok with it as he seemed younger and calmed me down a lot. If they hadn't have been ok with it, they would have just had to deal with it as it was my life etc.

Now, on the other hand if my son brought home someone who was a lot older than him when he was 18.....I'm not too sure how I would deal with that.

Tldr.....I think its ok until it directly affects me then I might feel differently

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

I can look at it from two different angles.

When I was 21 I was with a guy a lot older than me for a good few years. He was very young minded and was far more laid back than I was. My folks were ok with it as he seemed younger and calmed me down a lot. If they hadn't have been ok with it, they would have just had to deal with it as it was my life etc.

Now, on the other hand if my son brought home someone who was a lot older than him when he was 18.....I'm not too sure how I would deal with that.

Tldr.....I think its ok until it directly affects me then I might feel differently

[Glenn.]

I think unless it’s something that’s personally affecting you it’s not really anyones place to be judging them.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Glenn.

I think unless it’s something that’s personally affecting you it’s not really anyones place to be judging them.

That’s Hyperindividualism; we live in a society. Established societal norms affect everyone.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Glenn.

I think unless it’s something that’s personally affecting you it’s not really anyones place to be judging them.

If it's your 18 year old in the situation, who may still be in school etc then I would argue that it is personally affecting you

[Glenn.]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

If it's your 18 year old in the situation, who may still be in school etc then I would argue that it is personally affecting you

Isn’t that what I’ve just said you hag?

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Glenn.

Isn’t that what I’ve just said you hag?

Oh

[Parmy]

I wonder how many 18yr old women fancy Gino di campio.

[Parmy]

The title shouldn't read 18yr old girl, they are women..

You dont say 18yr old boy...you would say 18ur old youth in certain circumstances, and boy in others I suppose, but man would also be used...or male.

I wouldn't know the female terminology for youth?

[user104658]

Originally Posted by parmnion

The title shouldn't read 18yr old girl, they are women..

You dont say 18yr old boy...you would say 18ur old youth in certain circumstances, and boy in others I suppose, but man would also be used...or male.

I wouldn't know the female terminology for youth?

I definitely refer to 18 year old males as “boys” I’m afraid Parmy. They are just kids at that age.

[Parmy]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

I definitely refer to 18 year old males as “boys” I’m afraid Parmy. They are just kids at that age.

I'm sure they will be delighted to be called a kid at that age!!