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Niamh. · 29-10-2021, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

My point is not all 18 year olds are the same or classed as children

I haven’t read every post but at the end of the day it’s not the parents that get to say who their offspring choose to date.

Well I kind of do when they're still in school and under my roof. .

GoldHeart · 29-10-2021, 09:30 AM

Plus you question the intentions of the much older person , like I said most the time it's about sex and money.

user104658 · 29-10-2021, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

@niamh and toy soldier

What would your reaction be if your daughters do bring and older man home?

You can’t stop them from seeing an older person if that’s what they choose

You can't "stop" them but you can have an open and frank conversation with them, and you can watch that man like a hawk to ensure that she hasn't gotten herself into a bad situation. I very rarely "stop" my daughter from doing anything at all (within reason) but I do talk to her openly about the world, and people, and encourage her to think things through properly. So no I wouldn't "forbid" her from doing it - but I would tell her that I find the motivations and mindset of that older man to be suspect (and creepy).

Quote:

Why is ok for you to call and 18 year old a child and yet at that age they can join the army and be killed.

That is horrendous as well, the fact that we still send teenagers off as soldiers is not "OK" at all for me.

Livia · 29-10-2021, 10:03 AM

I reckon there's a tiny minority of genuine love affairs between the very young and the very old and the rest is made up of young people attracted to money and power and old people attracted by youth and beauty.

user104658 · 29-10-2021, 10:15 AM

My dad (who is 65+) is married to someone who is in her early 40's, they met when he was about 60 and she was in her mid 30's ... I have to admit I find it a little odd in the sense of ... why on earth is she attracted to my dad who is neither rich nor "young for his age" - he's genuinely pushing "little old man" status at this point. I mean, he's not poor, but he retired in his late 50's and is well into his pension pot already

. Plus she's on about £50k herself and has no kids so it's not about that

.

So yeah. I don't really "get it" and it's odd that someone who is technically my "stepmother" is basically the same age as my sister

... but I don't find their relationship creepy ... because again, it's not about the GAP so much as the AGE. Someone pushing 40 clearly knows what they're doing. Even over about 25, I'd still find it pretty strange, but there's a pretty big difference between a 25 year old and an 18 year old. I would genuinely always worry about the motivations of a GROWN UP adult (anyone over about 30) getting into a relationship with an 18 year old just out of school. It just feels like a huge imbalance in terms of life experience, and that sadly often ends up being controlling, and I think that's probably a large part of the appeal for many of these older partners.

thesheriff443 · 29-10-2021, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Well I kind of do when they're still in school and under my roof. .

Under the age of 18 you have a little bit of leverage but that I think, not while you are living under my roof is an outdated way of dealing with things.

Ts has a much better approach

Niamh. · 29-10-2021, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

Under the age of 18 you have a little bit of leverage but that I think, not while you are living under my roof is an outdated way of dealing with things.

Ts has a much better approach

It's worked pretty well for me so far and my two are almost grown so thanks for the advise but I'll stick with my own way

michael21 · 29-10-2021, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niamh.

It's worked pretty well for me so far and my two are almost grown so thanks for the advise but I'll stick with my own way

Just imagine if someone chages there parenting skills just because they read it on a forum

Niamh. · 29-10-2021, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by michael21

Just imagine if someone chages there parenting skills just because they read it on a forum

joeysteele · 29-10-2021, 12:08 PM

For me age is just a number.

As long as both are of a legal age and they both want to be together and are happy.
Why delay happiness.

Celebrities marry much younger people.

Often much more than 22 years between them too.

I do understand it can seem creepy or perhaps even unacceptable however too.

Personally I see no issue if they're happy.

thesheriff443 · 29-10-2021, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niamh.

It's worked pretty well for me so far and my two are almost grown so thanks for the advise but I'll stick with my own way

I wasn’t giving you advice

thesheriff443 · 29-10-2021, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by michael21

Just imagine if someone chages there parenting skills just because they read it on a forum

There is more of a chance of that happening than anyone believing anything you post

Oliver_W · 29-10-2021, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

My dad (who is 65+) is married to someone who is in her early 40's, they met when he was about 60 and she was in her mid 30's ... I have to admit I find it a little odd in the sense of ... why on earth is she attracted to my dad who is neither rich nor "young for his age" - he's genuinely pushing "little old man" status at this point. I mean, he's not poor, but he retired in his late 50's and is well into his pension pot already

. Plus she's on about £50k herself and has no kids so it's not about that

.

So yeah. I don't really "get it" and it's odd that someone who is technically my "stepmother" is basically the same age as my sister

... but I don't find their relationship creepy ... because again, it's not about the GAP so much as the AGE. Someone pushing 40 clearly knows what they're doing. Even over about 25, I'd still find it pretty strange, but there's a pretty big difference between a 25 year old and an 18 year old. I would genuinely always worry about the motivations of a GROWN UP adult (anyone over about 30) getting into a relationship with an 18 year old just out of school. It just feels like a huge imbalance in terms of life experience, and that sadly often ends up being controlling, and I think that's probably a large part of the appeal for many of these older partners.

Maybe she's playing the long game and wants YOU!

Vicky. · 30-10-2021, 09:47 AM

I agree tbh

Infact found it creepy when an 18 year old hit on me not long ago. Yet I seem fine with 24. I think its just the age of the younger one thats a bit iffy tbh. Each to their own I guess but I couldn't do it.

Vicky. · 30-10-2021, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver_W

Maybe she's playing the long game and wants YOU!

Maybe

ThomasC · 30-10-2021, 10:12 AM

I disagree with most on here.

If they are both happy then so be it.

Who am I to disagree in something that doesn't concern me. They are both legal and as long as there's no element of grooming, coercion then good luck to them.

Whether it's creepy just because I don't agree with it, I don't know.

We all choose to live our lives how we see fit. Love is love.

ThomasC · 30-10-2021, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

substitute "50 year old man" for any other discriminated group and see how long it would be before there was outrage

It is against the law to discriminate against someone purely on the basis of age. The point being that not only is it legal for a man to marry anyone of legal age, it is illegal to say he can't

Agreed and I agree with your other post which was well articulated.

ThomasC · 30-10-2021, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

Ask any parent of an 18 years old boy or girl

How would you like your son and daughter to go out with a 50 year old?

100% answer the same

is all the point being made is

Deleted

AnnieK · 30-10-2021, 10:18 AM

I can look at it from two different angles.

When I was 21 I was with a guy a lot older than me for a good few years. He was very young minded and was far more laid back than I was. My folks were ok with it as he seemed younger and calmed me down a lot. If they hadn't have been ok with it, they would have just had to deal with it as it was my life etc.

Now, on the other hand if my son brought home someone who was a lot older than him when he was 18.....I'm not too sure how I would deal with that.

Tldr.....I think its ok until it directly affects me then I might feel differently

ThomasC · 30-10-2021, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Well I kind of do when they're still in school and under my roof. .

It's not as clear cut as that because when a child reaches a certain age, 16+ the rights of parental responsibility diminish...18+ not at all.

Niamh. · 30-10-2021, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThomasC

I disagree with most on here.

If they are both happy then so be it.

Who am I to disagree in something that doesn't concern me. They are both legal and as long as there's no element of grooming, coercion then good luck to them.

Whether it's creepy just because I don't agree with it, I don't know.

We all choose to live our lives how we see fit. Love is love.

With all due respect Thomas, you don't have kids (yet?) You may think differently then

Niamh. · 30-10-2021, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieK

I can look at it from two different angles.

When I was 21 I was with a guy a lot older than me for a good few years. He was very young minded and was far more laid back than I was. My folks were ok with it as he seemed younger and calmed me down a lot. If they hadn't have been ok with it, they would have just had to deal with it as it was my life etc.

Now, on the other hand if my son brought home someone who was a lot older than him when he was 18.....I'm not too sure how I would deal with that.

Tldr.....I think its ok until it directly affects me then I might feel differently