[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by InOne

My best mate is entering the X-Factor this year and I wanted to give him all the help and support I can.

So I've killed his mum.

But cruel...

[InOne]

When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass.
I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.

[InOne]

Has anyone else noticed that "Maddie" is an anagram of "I'm dead"?

[Patrick]

Originally Posted by laurenheh

LB no you wrote too me dont lie put your dummy in !, and goth seems alrite

Dummie?

Oh **** off you dick head, Seriously why is there so many annoying members on here during Off Season,

Sorry not all of them are annoying, just this 9 year old who clearly is still in Primary School as she uses insults like 'Dummie' and hasnt got a clue what shes talking about.


And you wrote to me you ****ing knob so dont talk ****,
And I loved how on my Profile you told me not to reply yet you were the one typing 2 Messages per Minute you sad weirdo.

[Patrick]

Originally Posted by InOne

Has anyone else noticed that "Maddie" is an anagram of "I'm dead"?

That ones freaky, i`ll show me mate that one tomarrow lol

Your Jokes are wicked, I loved the X Factor joke

[CaraRawr]

Originally Posted by InOne

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick ****... How about yourself?"

The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some **** in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."

that's brilliant xD

[Nurse57]

A bloke walks in to the "every cake is a pound" shop.

Bloke: How much is that cake?

Baker: A pound mate.

Bloke: What about that one?

Baker: It's a pound mate.

Bloke: I see, what about that one?

Baker: Look mate. Did you not se the name of the shop when you came in? Every cake is a pound.

Bloke: Oh, in that case I will have one of those please.

Baker: Thank you. That will be one pound fifty please.

Bloke: Hang on. You said every cake was a pound.

Baker: Ah yes, but that's Madeira cake.



Thank you, I'll be here all week.

[Beastie]

Knock knock!

Who's there?

John!

John who?

John and Edward

[alc09]

^



Dr Mr Grim Reaper,

So far this year you have taken my favorite Actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite chef Keith Flloyd and my favorite singers Michael Jackson and Stephen Gately.

Just to let you know, my favorite footballer is Cristiano Ronaldo and I love all pakistanis.

------------------

Francis, a twelve-year old boy, goes to confessions at Chapel.

He cries; "Forgive me, Father. For I have sinned..."

"Are you cheating on me, you little bastard?!" replies the Priest.

----------------------

A charity pantomime in aid of paranoid schizophrenics and homosexuals decended into chaos when someone shouted; "HE'S BEHIND YOU!"

---------------------

A chemist walked into his shop after lunch to find a man leaning against a wall near the counter.

"What's wrong with him?", he asked his assistant. The assistant replied; "He came in for cough medicine, but we're all out, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxitives".

"You ****ing idiot!", replied the chemist. "You can't treat a cough with laxitives".

"Of course you can", the assistant replied. "Look at him, he daren't ****ing cough now!"

[Dr.Gonzo]

Hahahaha^

All brilliant

[Harry!]

Sos Alc

I see the Michael Jackson film has been rated PG.

Even after he's gone he can't be trusted alone with kids.

[InOne]

I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that Gavin from Autoglass came round and injected his special resin into her crack.

She hasn't even got a car.

[alc09]

Haha theres a load of MJ jokes that were about after his death, I'll try and find some in a minute, there's some brilliant ones.

[InOne]

Remember its not rape if you have been paying for her drinks.

[InOne]

What did the necrophiliac say to the paedophile?

"After you."

[Harry!]

Louis Walsh has received a letter stating:

"For every week John and Edward stay on the X-Factor, a member of Boyzone will die."

[InOne]

My girlfriend asked me what my sexual fantasy was.
I told her I wanted to have sex in a graveyard.
She said she wasn't really into that idea so I said, "Who said you were involved?"

[Loukas]

I am not a racist but my friend told this joke and i couldn't help but laugh.

A Chinese couple had a baby, the baby was disabled and they didn't know what to call him. They deliberated and they decided on 'Son Ting Wong'

Sorry if it offended someone! lol

[Nurse57]

What is the biggest crustation in the world?

Kings Cross Station.

[Alf]

I've just quit my job at the Helium factory, I'm not gonna be spoken to in that tone of voice.

[Alf]

I've just been sacked from my job at Pepsi, I tested positive for Coke.

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Harry!

Sos Alc

I see the Michael Jackson film has been rated PG.

Even after he's gone he can't be trusted alone with kids.

Yesterday I was making a Sandwich, my Mom was wondering what toppings was I putting on my Sandwich. I tell her that it's Bacon, Lettuce & Mushrooms aka a BLM.

[Swan]

Originally Posted by alc09

^



Dr Mr Grim Reaper,

So far this year you have taken my favorite Actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite chef Keith Flloyd and my favorite singers Michael Jackson and Stephen Gately.

Just to let you know, my favorite footballer is Cristiano Ronaldo and I love all pakistanis.

------------------

Francis, a twelve-year old boy, goes to confessions at Chapel.

He cries; "Forgive me, Father. For I have sinned..."

"Are you cheating on me, you little bastard?!" replies the Priest.

----------------------

A charity pantomime in aid of paranoid schizophrenics and homosexuals decended into chaos when someone shouted; "HE'S BEHIND YOU!"

---------------------

A chemist walked into his shop after lunch to find a man leaning against a wall near the counter.

"What's wrong with him?", he asked his assistant. The assistant replied; "He came in for cough medicine, but we're all out, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxitives".

"You ****ing idiot!", replied the chemist. "You can't treat a cough with laxitives".

"Of course you can", the assistant replied. "Look at him, he daren't ****ing cough now!"

Imagine these being told in 2021

[Beso]

I guy walks in a lift coughing towards 3 strangers.

[Tireur]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into Laredo in the middle of a Texas winter.
They stop at a saloon and the Lone Ranger dismounts, saying, “Wait here, injuns not allowed in bar.”
“But Tonto cold kemosabe.”
“Run up and down on the spot”, said the Lone Ranger, walking in.
Few minutes later a cowboy walks in and says to the Lone Ranger, “Hey! You left your injun running.”