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Captain.Remy · 13-12-2009, 05:18 PM

Right, I'm not going into details because it's a bit complicated but to sum it up, I've been 'seeing' this girl for about a month and last night, I asked her to be with me for real, not occasionally.
However, she doesn't want something public, only between us therefore I have no idea what to do.
Should I take the risk to go out with her but nobody will know or should I say no to a relationship with a girl I like more and more ? Has anyone been in this situation ?

Thanks a lot.

andyman · 13-12-2009, 05:33 PM

Why she holding back?

Shaun · 13-12-2009, 05:34 PM

what andyman said.

Ross · 13-12-2009, 05:34 PM

If you like her alot, then go for the relationship it'd be better than losing her altogether. Probably in a few weeks time you're relationship will be out in the open anyway.

Captain.Remy · 13-12-2009, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andyman

Why she holding back?

She lost her mum 5 weeks ago and doesn't want to show to people she's that happy to be with someone and because 'The last thing I need at the moment is a boyfriend but I like you more than everyone right now so I don't know.'

Patrick · 13-12-2009, 05:35 PM

I hate when girls do this..
So she wants to be with you but not tell anyone?

Tell her to go ****.

Seriously though, Its wrong for alot of reasons.

Shes probley seeing someone else.
Shes ashamed of you.
Shes a prostitute and is afraid incase someone tells you if they see you with her.
She might also not like you but doesnt want to hurt your feelings by turning you down.

Captain.Remy · 13-12-2009, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patrick

I hate when girls do this..
So she wants to be with you but not tell anyone?

Tell her to go ****.

Seriously though, Its wrong for alot of reasons.

Shes probley seeing someone else.
Shes ashamed of you.
Shes a prostitute and is afraid incase someone tells you if they see you with her.
She might also not like you but doesnt want to hurt your feelings by turning you down.

But I like her, I'm afraid too because I needed a whole year to get myself together after I ended a 2 years relationship and for her to tell me that when we had some amazing time, its frustrating but at the same time, I can't blame her really.
At the end of the day, hidden relationships may be fun and exciting but my girlfriend is my girlfriend and I need to tell people.

andyman · 13-12-2009, 05:41 PM

Ok best thing to do is not to rush her into anything, just play it cool and be there for her.. Things will change over time.

Tom · 13-12-2009, 05:42 PM

Hate to be blunt, but shes probably not that into you

Novo · 13-12-2009, 05:44 PM

I think she wants a relationship maybe she ain't ready for commitment, I'd just play it Cool keep it between the Two of you for now, wait til after christmas see how things change and take it from there

Z · 13-12-2009, 05:47 PM

My best friend did this with his girlfriend, he kept it a secret from everyone for 3 months, I fell out with him when I found out they'd been dating for so long. If you're going to go for it, try and make it public as soon as possible, if it runs on too long in secret then your friends and her friends are going to be very annoyed when they find out, it's not nice when things like that are kept secret - a relationship should be a thing to celebrate, not be ashamed of.

Captain.Remy · 13-12-2009, 05:48 PM

I guess I will have to wait to see how things will change like you all told me, I'm confident it will in the best way possible. I have to give her some time to sort her issues out.

Z · 13-12-2009, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain.Remy

I guess I will have to wait to see how things will change like you all told me, I'm confident it will in the best way possible. I have to give her some time to sort her issues out.

Give her a couple more weeks to sort her thoughts out, I'm sure she'll soon realise that by going out with you, she's moving on with her life in a positive way. Hope it works out well Remy!

Captain.Remy · 13-12-2009, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zee

Give her a couple more weeks to sort her thoughts out, I'm sure she'll soon realise that by going out with you, she's moving on with her life in a positive way. Hope it works out well Remy!

I hope so. She knows I've always been here in the hardest moments since her mum passed away and I managed to make her somehow happy in certain moments. Thanks for all the advices guys, very appreciated.

Jords · 13-12-2009, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain.Remy

She lost her mum 5 weeks ago and doesn't want to show to people she's that happy to be with someone and because 'The last thing I need at the moment is a boyfriend but I like you more than everyone right now so I don't know.'

Aw, I would just call her a friend for now, and give it some time so she can get over her mum's death, and so that she can realise if she likes you that way or not. Even if she doesnt like you that way, you will probably have a best friend in her, and you can find somebody else to be with in terms of a girlfriend

Enid · 13-12-2009, 06:03 PM

She has lost her mum, so give her time to grieve. Continue dating her, but don't pressure her into publicly announcing the relationship. Whether she wants a relationship or not shouldn't matter. Be there for her as a friend.

lily. · 13-12-2009, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jords

Aw, I would just call her a friend for now, and give it some time so she can get over her mum's death, and so that she can realise if she likes you that way or not. Even if she doesnt like you that way, you will probably have a best friend in her, and you can find somebody else to be with in terms of a girlfriend

You speak sense. I agree with pretty much all of this.

Captain.Remy · 13-12-2009, 06:11 PM

I see some great advices out there. Of course I will stay as her friend, I just felt she felt the same way, I guess she does but she's not ready. I didn't want to make her feel guilty about being happy right after what happened to her mum.
It's not like she doesn't want anything serious, she's scared so I won't play the selfish boy, I'll wait a girl for the first time in my life.

lily. · 13-12-2009, 06:19 PM

Once Christmas/New Year is over, she will have a chance to pick up the pieces. It must be incredibly hard for people at this time of year who've just suffered a loss.

Captain.Remy · 13-12-2009, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lili

Once Christmas/New Year is over, she will have a chance to pick up the pieces. It must be incredibly hard for people at this time of year who've just suffered a loss.

Breast cancer. Life is a bitch really. I mean, why just before Christmas ? It's hard to blame someone because there is no one to blame except this cancer bullshit.
I think I'll take her on a weekend trip in the Alps mountains, just the 2 of us to take her out from all the crap that is going on right now.

arista · 13-12-2009, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain.Remy

Right, I'm not going into details because it's a bit complicated but to sum it up, I've been 'seeing' this girl for about a month and last night, I asked her to be with me for real, not occasionally.
However, she doesn't want something public, only between us therefore I have no idea what to do.
Should I take the risk to go out with her but nobody will know or should I say no to a relationship with a girl I like more and more ? Has anyone been in this situation ?

Thanks a lot.

It tells you she may have something else on the Horizon.
To put it Crude, no dis respect
she sounds like - no public
means she has a slight problem with you, maybe.

Try to find out if she wants you to change?

Sometimes
it is a Change they want in you - before the Hook up.

arista · 13-12-2009, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by .Andy.

I think she wants a relationship maybe she ain't ready for commitment, I'd just play it Cool keep it between the Two of you for now, wait til after christmas see how things change and take it from there

But can Capt Remy
play this Issue that Cool?

Captain.Remy · 13-12-2009, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arista

But can Capt Remy
play this Issue that Cool?

So far, I didn't give her any answer but she knows and I know it's quite roasted for now.
I'll play under the radar but she knows I'm there, it will pay off, fortunately.

It's also frustrating to wait a for a girl you like. Girls have been waiting for me, not the other way round.

arista · 13-12-2009, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain.Remy

So far, I didn't give her any answer but she knows and I know it's quite roasted for now.
I'll play under the radar but she knows I'm there, it will pay off, fortunately.

It's also frustrating to wait a for a girl you like. Girls have been waiting for me, not the other way round.

Yes Frustration
you need a Drum Kit.

Under The Radar - Good one.

Good Luck to You.

lily. · 13-12-2009, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain.Remy

Breast cancer. Life is a bitch really. I mean, why just before Christmas ? It's hard to blame someone because there is no one to blame except this cancer bullshit.
I think I'll take her on a weekend trip in the Alps mountains, just the 2 of us to take her out from all the crap that is going on right now.

That's a really sweet idea.

I guess she's worth waiting for.

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