[Mac Hiavellian]

As much as I'd love Emma Willis to be the new host I chuckled to myself when it was reported Cheryl Cole was rumoured for it.

I imagined the opening of the CBB8 launch going something like this...

EXT. THE BIG BROTHER COMPOUND - DUSK

A huge crowd stands silently, but excited, behind safety rails. Their heads dart in all directions. Some at the camera, some up at the house, and some to their right. The camera swishes left to reveal two SUITED SECURITY GUARDS are stood at the end of a red carpet. A white limo pulls up. The guards turn and open the passenger door as the camera moves forward slightly. CHERYL COLE is sat with a glass of champagne in her left hand and the other rested on her right shoulder. She turns to face the camera.

CHERYL (mockingly)
This is Davina? You are live on Channel 4? Please do not swear?

She stands and exits the limo with her right hand raised in eccentiricty to the air as the camera slowly pulls back.

CHERYL (cont'd)
This is Cheryl. You are live on Channel 5. Swear as much as you ******in' like, pet!

She gurns and performs the funky chicken, still holding the chapagne glass. The crowd goes wild. As the camera tracks back we see a champagne bottle in between Cheryl's legs. An obvious homage to Kinga and Big Brother's glory days. Big Brother is back.

CUE TITLES