[Livia]

Originally Posted by watchinittoomuch

Hello Liv, ltns

What you say is completely true of course, but I can, having watched me telly, safely say that Carol loves her bevvy lol

Hey WITM!

I have a sneaking suspicion you may be right about Carol LOL...

[Jarvio]

When I was diagnosed with aspergers (which is an ASD) earlier this year it made perfect sense to me. Life is an enourmous challenge for me. This is why I am so insulted by many posts on this thread - accusing someone of not having the condition (and yes, it is a condition) is horrible.

It's called generalization - many of you people are generalizing, grouping people with an ASD together as the same.

I would never go on BB, I couldn't think of anything worse. But if Abz wants to, that doesn't mean anything about his condition, because Aspergers, and ASDs in general, are so damn broad. Nobody knows if anyone has it until they have been diagnosed - you need to either know the person really well, or a professional needs to do thorough tests on them. And even if you really know a person well, it can still be hard to tell. None of you people know Abz nor have done thorough tests on him. So stop assuming stuff.

Jesus christ I'm so angry at the world today regarding conditions. Can't people have a little sympathy?

I left this forum a few months ago, but I've been looking at threads without posting - I know I said I'd leave, but after seeing this thread I had to comment.

People should:
1 - Have sympathy, and
2 - Get their heads out of their arses and get on with their own lifes. If he has been diagnosed by a professional, then that's it. Don't assume the professional is wrong. Utter pretentiousness...

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by watchinittoomuch

It is extremely difficult to get the level of award you are talking about, it is usually given to families with children at the most severe ends of the spectrum, possibly non verbal, need help with mobility and may need a larger child's push chair, have other disorders and conditions that further affect their diagnosis etc.. My son has Aspergers and get's lower rate care and mobility, and at 17 years old uses it himself. I think my point is it would be almost impossible to push for an autism/aspergers diagnosis purely to claim for a car or dla, theyre not easy to get, take alot of time and require a massive amount of evidence, for the diagnosis itself, and then for the dla to be awarded after.

I also cant believe some of the comments Ive read on here that its for sympathy, or that it's cool? As a parent, let me tell you, its neither, and society is neither understanding nor forgiving enough for it to become a reason to gain votes in a reality show. Most people are unaware of what aspergers really is, why the hell would they vote for it?

I am waiting on Boomoo to come back and explain her post. It is the type of thing the Daily Mail churns out, with no basis in fact.

[watchinittoomuch]

Originally Posted by Livia

Hey WITM!

I have a sneaking suspicion you may be right about Carol LOL...

That'll be the phd in pinot I have

[qwerty8883]

[QUOTE=Blue Cadillac;6339889]

Originally Posted by qwerty8883

infact being on the spectrum myself i would presume that you (being an aspe) would understand the fact that people on the specturm create false personalities to deal with social situations and to manage anxiety problems

To be fair, I think a lot of non-Asperger's people are probably guilty of doing this too. For example, if going for a job interview, how many people might make themselves out to be someone/something they are not, in order to impress the interviewer? Many people suffer anxiety and stress in social situations, and I think there's a very fine line between everyday stress management with most folk, and how people with Asperger's cope with their anxiety - which is exacerbated tenfold, largely because those with Asperger's are unable to channel their emotions and anxieties in the same way.

Indeed they do but the anxiety with most people on the spectrum is quite different and very misplaced in comparison to someone who is considered normal. I presume that most people suffer from anxiety as a trait in most new social situations (due to the fact that the unknown must scare us all to some extent) However the anxiety i feel from walking out side my front door is probably (but not in all cases) ten fold as bad to that of a "normal" person.

As an example when i go into a social situation with any one person i will very carefully watch body language to gauge reactions from the person i am interacting with (quite normal i presume?). If i get even the slightest undertone that they are losing interest i will instantly change the subject matter. When this change takes places and i make my presumption based on observation, my anxiety goes from say 7/10 to 10/10 and will have a huge detrimental effect on my perceptions of how the conversation went and also weather or not i like this person due to my perception of their reaction to my conversation. I would also say that i will take my perceived knock back (which may or may not have actually been perceived by others in the same manner) in a hugely detrimental way and this will determine how i perceive them in the future. To stop this from happening over years i have learned to instead of being myself create specific persona's for specific personalities that i will come across (of course the issues arise when i start to behave as myself rather than as the persona designed to manage the anxiety in these situations)

articulating my feelings is very difficult but what i am getting at is that every social interaction for me is like say, A job interview. It doesnt matter if its with someone in a shop, the postman or an associate. Only the closest family members do not cause this problem and the Internet is another gem of a place where i do not suffer from this issue.

Now my case is probably very different from 99% of all other people who are on the autistic spectrum.

i also waffle on............

[DanaC]

What a fascinating insight. Thanks qwerty!

[CaudleHalbard]

I expect most of us can find a bit of mild Asperger's in ourselves, if we look hard enough! Lol!

[Jarvio]

[QUOTE=qwerty8883;6339925]

Originally Posted by Blue Cadillac

Indeed they do but the anxiety with most people on the spectrum is quite different and very misplaced in comparison to someone who is considered normal. I presume that most people suffer from anxiety as a trait in most new social situations (due to the fact that the unknown must scare us all to some extent) However the anxiety i feel from walking out side my front door is probably (but not in all cases) ten fold as bad to that of a "normal" person.

As an example when i go into a social situation with any one person i will very carefully watch body language to gauge reactions from the person i am interacting with (quite normal i presume?). If i get even the slightest undertone that they are losing interest i will instantly change the subject matter. When this change takes places and i make my presumption based on observation, my anxiety goes from say 7/10 to 10/10 and will have a huge detrimental effect on my perceptions of how the conversation went and also weather or not i like this person due to my perception of their reaction to my conversation. I would also say that i will take my perceived knock back (which may or may not have actually been perceived by others in the same manner) in a hugely detrimental way and this will determine how i perceive them in the future. To stop this from happening over years i have learned to instead of being myself create specific persona's for specific personalities that i will come across (of course the issues arise when i start to behave as myself rather than as the persona designed to manage the anxiety in these situations)

articulating my feelings is very difficult but what i am getting at is that every social interaction for me is like say, A job interview. It doesnt matter if its with someone in a shop, the postman or an associate. Only the closest family members do not cause this problem and the Internet is another gem of a place where i do not suffer from this issue.

Now my case is probably very different from 99% of all other people who are on the autistic spectrum.

i also waffle on............

Bolded the part that applies immensley to myself. Any knockback by a person could ruin my entire day and I spend the entire day ruminating about it until it's resolved in my own mind. It's horrible. And others around me have no idea why I'm so affected by it.

Many of the things you say relate to me. Only I don't usually try to put on a different persona (although having said that I do sometimes mask my real self with nonsensical humour). But yes, social situations are like a job interview for me also and the anxiety levels are always so high. I try to deal with it, but deep down I am always uncomfortable, and also worried that others think lowly of me.

Only thing that doesn't apply to me though is that you said you don't struggle on the internet. I do. I try to explain my posts in an explainable way but nobody seems to understand them and it winds me up. And I'm massively effected by how people on the net can be so insulting/insensitive too.

I take things to heart WAY too much, and you know what, I've even taken this thread to heart!
I also have really bad obsessional tendencies. Like, really bad. Cleaning my teeth for example takes forever as I'm unusually careful about it. I hate being the last person out of my house because that means I have to lock the door, in which I check it's locked like 20 times.
Even watching DVDs is a chore - I constantly have to rewind them because my mind trails off and I don't understand things. Putting them back in the case is horrible because I constantly have to take them out again to re-check that I've not damaged them.

ASDs are no walk in the park!

It's all so complicated. I'm basically an obsessive worryer. Having aspergers is really difficult and when I read people's posts on here saying that people are faking it etc, it makes things 10 times worse for me.

People only think that people are faking it because every case of an ASD is different.

[qwerty8883]

Originally Posted by DanaC

What a fascinating insight. Thanks qwerty!

glad i could help

[Jarvio]

I hope I've provided some insight too - See, I'm worrying again!

[qwerty8883]

[QUOTE=Jarvio;6339980]

Originally Posted by qwerty8883

Bolded the part that applies immensley to myself. Any knockback by a person could ruin my entire day and I spend the entire day ruminating about it. It's horrible. And others around me have no idea why I'm so affected by it.

Many of the things you say relate to me. Only I never try to put on a different persona. But yes, social situations are like a job interview for me also and the anxiety levels are always so high.

Only thing that doesn't apply to me though is that you said you don't struggle on the internet. I do. I try to explain my posts in an explainable way but nobody seems to understand them and it winds me up. And I'm massively effected by how people on the net can be so insulting/insensitive too.

It's all so complicated. I'm basically an obsessive worrier. Having aspergers is really difficult and when I read people's posts on here saying that people are faking it etc, it makes things 10 times worse for me.

Ive been on computers since the Commodore+4 which i think has helped quite considerably. I find that i can be quite aggressive in my manner online which i find regrettable (after the initial posts i make on any website) but this is just dealt with by abstention of social interaction online until i have calmed down and taken stock of my own behaviour.

The most useful thing i find is to stay away from the mainstream websites and try to find likewise people which can be done easily with a bit of research.

One of the main reasons i watch BB is not because of the "love" of the show (infact most of the people on it annoy the crap out of me) but what i consider as fascinating social interactions and body language between the groups of people. My sister is a big fan, i always give my opinion on who is being false,manipulating or passively aggressive and im usually corrected by her on what she perceives is there ACTUAL feelings and reactions (5/10 times im right.......8/10 she is correct )

One thing i will say is that having this condition hasnt really stopped me leading a normal life. Ive served in the Armed forces, worked for a few major companies and got on with my life but periodically the cyclic breakdown will occur and they tend to get worse as times goes on.
Its a very useful show that has helped alot!

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by sway

Someone who was in a boy band could never have aspergers

Why's that? Because you declared that to be true?

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Blue Cadillac

Neither you, I nor anyone else frequenting this forum knows anything solid about Abz's 'medical diagnosis', and so it is supposition and speculation on all of our parts.

I never claimed to know anything about his medical condition or diagnosis. I'm merely commenting on those who seem to believe they do.

[DanaC]

You certainly did Jarvio.

I think one of the things that makes it a bit too easy for people to suggest that it is really just ordinary stuff that most of us have...is that, when reading most of the descriptions of what ASDs are like, we often see snippets to which we can relate. Many people have difficulty trusting that they have locked the door, or blown out the candles, or unplugged the iron, or whatever. We feel the need to check, for what seems like many times, but in reality may be just 2 or 3 times.

We've all experienced feeling like we have to adopt a persona in certain social situations, but though it may feel like we've played that role throughout the engagement, thinking back, we'll then find that there were also times we relaxed into the conversation and forgot to monitor what we were doing and how we were interacting.

But the scale and intensity is different. And also the critical mass of all these factors.

So people say, oh come on now, that's just shyness, by that definition I must have Aspergers, without really understanding the difference between experiencing some elements and living inside those elements.

[Jarvio]

[QUOTE=qwerty8883;6340016]

Originally Posted by Jarvio

Ive been on computers since the Commodore+4 which i think has helped quite considerably. I find that i can be quite aggressive in my manner online which i find regrettable (after the initial posts i make on any website) but this is just dealt with by abstention of social interaction online until i have calmed down and taken stock of my own behaviour.

The most useful thing i find is to stay away from the mainstream websites and try to find likewise people which can be done easily with a bit of research.

One of the main reasons i watch BB is not because of the "love" of the show (infact most of the people on it annoy the crap out of me) but what i consider as fascinating social interactions and body language between the groups of people. My sister is a big fan, i always give my opinion on who is being false,manipulating or passively aggressive and im usually corrected by her on what she perceives is there ACTUAL feelings and reactions (5/10 times im right.......8/10 she is correct )

One thing i will say is that having this condition hasnt really stopped me leading a normal life. Ive served in the Armed forces, worked for a few major companies and got on with my life but periodically the cyclic breakdown will occur and they tend to get worse as times goes on.
Its a very useful show that has helped alot!

I'm glad to hear you're leading a normal life well, and I wish you well.
Unfortunately it's not the case with me at the moment - I still continue to struggle, even with jobs. People have not understood me in jobs, and I have often felt overwhelmed and confused at what has to be done, which leads me to either a) work carefully and slowly, which isn't good enough because the employer wants fast workers, or b) work faster and make no end of mistakes. The faster I work the more mistakes I make. That might be normal for most people, but with me it seems to be a huge case of it as I have had really harsh criticism from employers, despite trying my very hardest at the job

But, this was when I didn't have a diagnosis. Now that I do, hopefully employers will be more understanding and more helpful... but I don't know. I really hope so, because I sure as hell am struggling.

[Vanessa]

[QUOTE=Jarvio;6340031]

Originally Posted by qwerty8883

I'm glad to hear you're leading a normal life well, and I wish you well.
Unfortunately it's not the case with me at the moment - I still continue to struggle, even with jobs. People have not understood me in jobs, and I have often felt overwhelmed and confused at what has to be done, which leads me to either a) work carefully and slowly, which isn't good enough because the employer wants fast workers, or b) work faster and make no end of mistakes. The faster I work the more mistakes I make. That might be normal for most people, but with me it seems to be a huge case of it as I have had really harsh criticism from employers, despite trying my very hardest at the job

But, this was when I didn't have a diagnosis. Now that I do, hopefully employers will be more understanding and more helpful... but I don't know. I really hope so, because I sure as hell am struggling.

Awwww!

[DanaC]

[QUOTE=Jarvio;6340031]

Originally Posted by qwerty8883

I'm glad to hear you're leading a normal life well, and I wish you well.
Unfortunately it's not the case with me at the moment - I still continue to struggle, even with jobs. People have not understood me in jobs, and I have often felt overwhelmed and confused at what has to be done, which leads me to either a) work carefully and slowly, which isn't good enough because the employer wants fast workers, or b) work faster and make no end of mistakes. The faster I work the more mistakes I make. That might be normal for most people, but with me it seems to be a huge case of it as I have had really harsh criticism from employers, despite trying my very hardest at the job

But, this was when I didn't have a diagnosis. Now that I do, hopefully employers will be more understanding and more helpful... but I don't know. I really hope so, because I sure as hell am struggling.

God, that sounds really difficult to deal with. Must be so frustrating to try your hardest at something and get negative feedback for it.

[Jarvio]

[QUOTE=Vanessa;6340033]

Originally Posted by Jarvio

Awwww!

Thankyou

I'd type the hug emoticon back, but don't know what it is

[Jarvio]

Originally Posted by DanaC

You certainly did Jarvio.

I think one of the things that makes it a bit too easy for people to suggest that it is really just ordinary stuff that most of us have...is that, when reading most of the descriptions of what ASDs are like, we often see snippets to which we can relate. Many people have difficulty trusting that they have locked the door, or blown out the candles, or unplugged the iron, or whatever. We feel the need to check, for what seems like many times, but in reality may be just 2 or 3 times.

We've all experienced feeling like we have to adopt a persona in certain social situations, but though it may feel like we've played that role throughout the engagement, thinking back, we'll then find that there were also times we relaxed into the conversation and forgot to monitor what we were doing and how we were interacting.

But the scale and intensity is different. And also the critical mass of all these factors.

So people say, oh come on now, that's just shyness, by that definition I must have Aspergers, without really understanding the difference between experiencing some elements and living inside those elements.

Glad I provided insight. And yes I can see what you're saying (although the door thing for me literally is about 20 times lol). You're precisely correct in that it's all about scale and intensity, and how much it affects us

[Jarvio]

[QUOTE=DanaC;6340036]

Originally Posted by Jarvio

God, that sounds really difficult to deal with. Must be so frustrating to try your hardest at something and get negative feedback for it.

Yeah it really is. I'm hoping that things will improve in the workplace now that I have a diagnosis. But at the same time I don't want to 'count my chickens'.

It's so hard to find a job these days, let alone the right job.

[qwerty8883]

[QUOTE=Jarvio;6340031]

Originally Posted by qwerty8883

I'm glad to hear you're leading a normal life well, and I wish you well.
Unfortunately it's not the case with me at the moment - I still continue to struggle, even with jobs. People have not understood me in jobs, and I have often felt overwhelmed and confused at what has to be done, which leads me to either a) work carefully and slowly, which isn't good enough because the employer wants fast workers, or b) work faster and make no end of mistakes. The faster I work the more mistakes I make. That might be normal for most people, but with me it seems to be a huge case of it as I have had really harsh criticism from employers, despite trying my very hardest at the job

But, this was when I didn't have a diagnosis. Now that I do, hopefully employers will be more understanding and more helpful... but I don't know. I really hope so, because I sure as hell am struggling.

Im not looking for compassion here but when i said i lead i normal life what i meant was that i have been treated in a normal manner all my life. The diagnosis was only made in the last year and this was due to an on going issue with "depression" when leaving the British Army. What as treated by many Army medical practitioners and civilian GP's as "depression" was in actual fact underlying Autism. My diagnostic process has been on going since april 2007 and its only in the last 6 months that they have confirmed what i knew in the back of my mind all of my life but thought was normal and how other people were.....They treated each symptom i had individually (anger,manic depression,anxiety,repetitive intrusive thoughts)

You said here about """" a) work carefully and slowly, which isn't good enough because the employer wants fast workers, or b) work faster and make no end of mistakes. The faster I work the more mistakes I make. """"

This is exactly the same as my own experiences. I tend not to work slowly as i feel this will be detrimental to how people will perceive me and will work at a pace that i think is acceptable to them. this obviously causes mistakes and slip ups which in turn causes your boss/peer to then "come down on you" which in turn AGAIN causes you to make a pre judgement about them and become very angry and annoyed with this persons lack of understanding when you feel you have tried so hard. I suspect normal people go through exactly this all the time but the effect on there psyche from the criticism for failure doesn't get taken in the same way.

As an example without going into to much detail the last time i had "depression" (which of course it wasnt) was when i was working for a team leader for a small company. I held a team meeting and felt i was undermind by a director of this company who came into the meeting and corrected my judgement on a matter i felt i was correct in. Within 2 weeks i had a depressive episode combined with anger which lead to me consuming myself over this tiny issue and it lead to me going sick and eventually leaving the job.......Over on tiny instance....

The latter is what causes the most issues in work. If you have the condition you will look at even the smallest criticism or even work banter as a direct assault on you. This will consume you and we will perceive there is no understanding and the job will fail.

The only reason i obtained a recent diagnosis was because this cyclic breakdown had happened so much that it was directly effecting how my life panned out and started to becoming the prominent issue.

If you are finding this happening to you all the time get help, Inform Occ Health in a working environment and also your GP/Psychiatric doctor. they will start to help to cater more towards your condition. If you dont have a diagnosis and you are self diagnosed get it confirmed.... it will help ten fold in the long term...

[courses]

[QUOTE=Jarvio;6339980]

Originally Posted by qwerty8883

I also have really bad obsessional tendencies. Like, really bad. Cleaning my teeth for example takes forever as I'm unusually careful about it. I hate being the last person out of my house because that means I have to lock the door, in which I check it's locked like 20 times.
Even watching DVDs is a chore - I constantly have to rewind them because my mind trails off and I don't understand things. Putting them back in the case is horrible because I constantly have to take them out again to re-check that I've not damaged them.

Is that part of AS? I recognise that in myself as part of my OCD...

[Jarvio]

[QUOTE=courses;6340054]

Originally Posted by Jarvio

Is that part of AS? I recognise that in myself as part of my OCD...

Well it can probably be interlinked I suspect? I was told that many people with ASD are very obsessional.

[arista]

Originally Posted by Conzors

when i was unemployed i did voluntary work with autistic/aspergers children and he has definitely not got it.

Thank You
Dr.Conzors

[Jarvio]

[QUOTE=qwerty8883;6340052]

Originally Posted by Jarvio

Im not looking for compassion here but when i said i lead i normal life what i meant was that i have been treated in a normal manner all my life. The diagnosis was only made in the last year and this was due to an on going issue with "depression" when leaving the British Army. What as treated by many Army medical practitioners and civilian GP's as "depression" was in actual fact underlying Autism. My diagnostic process has been on going since april 2007 and its only in the last 6 months that they have confirmed what i knew in the back of my mind all of my life but thought was normal and how other people were.....They treated each symptom i had individually (anger,manic depression,anxiety,repetitive intrusive thoughts)

You said here about """" a) work carefully and slowly, which isn't good enough because the employer wants fast workers, or b) work faster and make no end of mistakes. The faster I work the more mistakes I make. """"

This is exactly the same as my own experiences. I tend not to work slowly as i feel this will be detrimental to how people will perceive me and will work at a pace that i think is acceptable to them. this obviously causes mistakes and slip ups which in turn causes your boss/peer to then "come down on you" which in turn AGAIN causes you to make a pre judgement about them and become very angry and annoyed with this persons lack of understanding when you feel you have tried so hard. I suspect normal people go through exactly this all the time but the effect on there psyche from the criticism for failure doesn't get taken in the same way.

As an example without going into to much detail the last time i had "depression" (which of course it wasnt) was when i was working for a team leader for a small company. I held a team meeting and felt i was undermind by a director of this company who came into the meeting and corrected my judgement on a matter i felt i was correct in. Within 2 weeks i had a depressive episode combined with anger which lead to me consuming myself over this tiny issue and it lead to me going sick and eventually leaving the job.......Over on tiny instance....

The latter is what causes the most issues in work. If you have the condition you will look at even the smallest criticism or even work banter as a direct assault on you. This will consume you and we will perceive there is no understanding and the job will fail.

The only reason i obtained a recent diagnosis was because this cyclic breakdown had happened so much that it was directly effecting how my life panned out and started to becoming the prominent issue.

If you are finding this happening to you all the time get help, Inform Occ Health in a working environment and also your GP/Psychiatric doctor. they will start to help to cater more towards your condition. If you dont have a diagnosis and you are self diagnosed get it confirmed.... it will help ten fold in the long term...

Bolded part is so true.

And yes, I have an official diagnosis from a professional. So hopefully it will help somewhat...