[Jessica.]

I think children being allowed to sleep in their parents bed every night commonly causes a lot of dependency issues, I am not saying that happens in every case but in all that I have experienced it does. I know someone who is a single mother, she has a son who is almost 13 and he still sleeps in her bed, is that okay or should there be a certain age when it should be stopped? Have you experienced it?

[Niamh.]

I think 13 is far too old to be sleeping with a parent and yeah I think it'll be bad for that boy and could make him overly dependant.

[Z]

Don't really have an opinion on this - what's the son like? Need a bit more information to judge - just the fact he sleeps in his mum's bed doesn't really say much about whether or not it's a good or bad thing.

[Me. I Am Salman]

I helped my parents save money when I was a baby as I used to hate sleeping in a cot and wanted to sleep next to my mum

omg I was such a mummy's boy tbh apparently I didn't even want to get out of the car until my mum did

[Saph]

Originally Posted by Salman!

I used to hate sleeping in a cot

diva from birth

[Jessica.]

Originally Posted by Zee

Don't really have an opinion on this - what's the son like? Need a bit more information to judge - just the fact he sleeps in his mum's bed doesn't really say much about whether or not it's a good or bad thing.

Well, I was just using it as an example, I know many more cases, but this kid actually physically threatens his mother if she tells him to sleep in his own bed, also he pees her bed all the time.

[Me. I Am Salman]

Originally Posted by Saph

diva from birth

[Me. I Am Salman]

Originally Posted by Jessica‪

Well, I was just using it as an example, I know many more cases, but this kid actually physically threatens his mother if she tells him to sleep in his own bed, also he pees her bed all the time.

wtf

[Ninastar]

Originally Posted by Jessica‪

Well, I was just using it as an example, I know many more cases, but this kid actually physically threatens his mother if she tells him to sleep in his own bed, also he pees her bed all the time.

That's strange... Sounds like something could have happened when he was younger

[user104658]

This obviously sounds like an extreme case - I think it's pretty clear that he needs to sleep in with someone because of other serious issues, rather than having issues because of sleeping in the same bed as his parents, if you see what I mean.

Co-sleeping in the early years has been shown to be good / healthy for infants (in many cultures, and in our own culture up until relatively recently in historic terms, "family" sleeping arrangements were completely "normal".) and "forcing" independence on children who aren't ready for it actually has the opposite effect (makes them less confident / more clingy).

The vast majority of children naturally start to want their space / privacy as they get older and so like I said - this case is obviously a sign of something else being wrong (and quite seriously by the sounds of it, if an adolescent boy is wetting his bed and threatening violence). I agree with Ninastar. It actually sounds like he's had some sort of traumatic incident in early life relating to sleep or being alone at night.

[Saph]

Originally Posted by Jessica‪

Well, I was just using it as an example, I know many more cases, but this kid actually physically threatens his mother if she tells him to sleep in his own bed, also he pees her bed all the time.

[IMG]http://www.breatheheavy.com/exhale/public/style_emoticons/default/***********[/IMG]

[AnnieK]

13 is far too old for it to be a regular thing.

[MTVN]

Kids should never sleep with their parents, bollocks to this attachment parenting like Peaches Geldof does where she kicks her husband out of bed to sleep with her kid

Maybe it's just about ok when they are very young and have a nightmare or something but it shouldn't become a regular thing imo

[T*]

I slept in my mums bed for quite some years, and I turned out fine...
But it was because I had to share a room with her. I don't anymore.

[Kizzy]

That's sick 13? seriously?... I'm sorry but that to me is so far removed from normal adolescent behaviour!
Even Oedipus would have thought that weird
Nursing mothers yes, even though many think its dangerous in case you fall asleep and roll on them.
Very occasionally if very upset/scared but other than that no.

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

That's sick 13? seriously?... I'm sorry but that to me is so far removed from normal adolescent behaviour!
Even Oedipus would have thought that weird
Nursing mothers yes, even though many think its dangerous in case you fall asleep and roll on them.
Very occasionally if very upset/scared but other than that no.

Apparently this doesn't happen..we have some instinct that doesn't let us sleep totally as we subconsciously know there is a baby there. Or so the hospital consultant told me when I was planning on BFing skye. They said I will NOT roll on her, but not to co-sleep if I had taken medication or had anything to drink, as both of those things numb the instinct that mothers have

I think 13 is ridiculous.

I am considering letting my newborn sleep with me but only for feeding purposes...and even then only if hes one of those who wants fed every hour or so. He will be in his own bed by about 6 months.

I used to sleep with my parents if I was ill until about 12 ish iirc. But only when I was ill..would have been weird to do it all the time :S

[Niamh.]

My 9 year old son comes in for a cuddle every morning and up until he was 4/5 occasionally he would wake in the night and come into our bed, we always moved him back into his own after a bit though or else no one would get any sleep

[joeysteele]

I don't usually agree with a 13 year old sleeping with a parent or parents in their bed unless maybe something is wrong with the child or the child has some anxiety or other perhaps more serious issues.
Far better to have their own bed in the same room with the parent if that is what is needed.

All cases are different and not knowing the full facts of this situation,however I wouldn't want to say anyone was wrong.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by MTVN

Kids should never sleep with their parents, bollocks to this attachment parenting like Peaches Geldof does where she kicks her husband out of bed to sleep with her kid

Maybe it's just about ok when they are very young and have a nightmare or something but it shouldn't become a regular thing imo

Sleeping with or very close to infants under 6 months massively cuts the risk of SIDS. Forcing young children to sleep alone if it causes them distress (e.g. using "cry it out" type methods) is proven to cause psychological damage. I'd also suggest that any good husband wouldn't have to be "kicked" out of bed, as they'd also want to find the best sleep arrangement for their family, but maybe that's just me. I appreciate that many dads are much more detached and like to leave the "kid stuff" to the "womenfolk".

I sleep in the same room as my 4 year old, my partner co-sleeps with our 18 month old. It's by far the best sleeping arrangement for us. They CAN sleep perfectly well alone - they both go to bed at 7 or 8, we're night owls and don't go to bed until 2 or 3am, and we don't hear a peep out of them (barring illness). They would no doubt continue to sleep undisturbed until morning if we, for example, fell asleep on the couch.

We don't technically "need" to co-sleep with them at this point, other than the fact that we only have two bedrooms and there's not a chance in hell that they would sleep well in the same room. When our youngest is 3 or 4 I'm sure that'll be the arrangement. For now, simple logistics make it impossible.

The reasons we STARTED co-sleeping with our eldest, however, are because the complete opposite of the premise of this thread is often true. She was a very distressed baby. Possibly due to hospital trauma in the week after her birth (in retrospect) but for whatever reason, she would scream constantly if one of us wasn't with her, and for three months we were sleeping in shifts with no idea what to do. Eventually, she went in with my partner and slept like a log. So we sort of stumbled on it due to a lack of options, I suppose. Anyway - she was also a very shy, quiet and nervous toddler right up until around 2 and a half. She simply had a nervous, anxious, introverted and sensitive personality type. "Attachment bollocks" parenting, gentle coaxing, and NEVER, EVER forcing her into anything she wasn't ready for has resulted in an extremely social, extremely confident and very independent 4 year old who chatters to anyone and is already showing strong leadership qualities at school. We were recently talking about someone being shy at her pre-school and she said "...what's "Shy"??". There's no doubt in my mind that we got this right.

Most parent's instinct is to "push" their shy children out of their shyness, to "push" their clingy children to be independent. It doesn't work, ever. It's a terrible, terrible mistake. It's probably what this 13 year old boy's parents did to him until they broke him completely, and now they really ARE stuck with a "damaged kid".

But meh. Whatever. Carry on with your arse-backwards western world Supernanny techniques. TBF I don't really give a stuff about what you do with your kids when you have them.

[Samm]

I don't think I never slept in my mums bed, only when I was sick or ill

[Crimson Dynamo]

Originally Posted by Jessica‪

I think children being allowed to sleep in their parents bed every night commonly causes a lot of dependency issues, I am not saying that happens in every case but in all that I have experienced it does. I know someone who is a single mother, she has a son who is almost 13 and he still sleeps in her bed, is that okay or should there be a certain age when it should be stopped? Have you experienced it?

And the problem is what?

[Kizzy]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Sleeping with or very close to infants under 6 months massively cuts the risk of SIDS. Forcing young children to sleep alone if it causes them distress (e.g. using "cry it out" type methods) is proven to cause psychological damage. I'd also suggest that any good husband wouldn't have to be "kicked" out of bed, as they'd also want to find the best sleep arrangement for their family, but maybe that's just me. I appreciate that many dads are much more detached and like to leave the "kid stuff" to the "womenfolk".

I sleep in the same room as my 4 year old, my partner co-sleeps with our 18 month old. It's by far the best sleeping arrangement for us. They CAN sleep perfectly well alone - they both go to bed at 7 or 8, we're night owls and don't go to bed until 2 or 3am, and we don't hear a peep out of them (barring illness). They would no doubt continue to sleep undisturbed until morning if we, for example, fell asleep on the couch.

We don't technically "need" to co-sleep with them at this point, other than the fact that we only have two bedrooms and there's not a chance in hell that they would sleep well in the same room. When our youngest is 3 or 4 I'm sure that'll be the arrangement. For now, simple logistics make it impossible.

The reasons we STARTED co-sleeping with our eldest, however, are because the complete opposite of the premise of this thread is often true. She was a very distressed baby. Possibly due to hospital trauma in the week after her birth (in retrospect) but for whatever reason, she would scream constantly if one of us wasn't with her, and for three months we were sleeping in shifts with no idea what to do. Eventually, she went in with my partner and slept like a log. So we sort of stumbled on it due to a lack of options, I suppose. Anyway - she was also a very shy, quiet and nervous toddler right up until around 2 and a half. She simply had a nervous, anxious, introverted and sensitive personality type. "Attachment bollocks" parenting, gentle coaxing, and NEVER, EVER forcing her into anything she wasn't ready for has resulted in an extremely social, extremely confident and very independent 4 year old who chatters to anyone and is already showing strong leadership qualities at school. We were recently talking about someone being shy at her pre-school and she said "...what's "Shy"??". There's no doubt in my mind that we got this right.

Most parent's instinct is to "push" their shy children out of their shyness, to "push" their clingy children to be independent. It doesn't work, ever. It's a terrible, terrible mistake. It's probably what this 13 year old boy's parents did to him until they broke him completely, and now they really ARE stuck with a "damaged kid".

But meh. Whatever. Carry on with your arse-backwards western world Supernanny techniques. TBF I don't really give a stuff about what you do with your kids when you have them.

Ok... this is going to sound mad, but if your kids sleep well, and you have to both creep in at silly oclock you say this is preferable to letting them sleep together in one room and you two in another?

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

Ok... this is going to sound mad, but if your kids sleep well, and you have to both creep in at silly oclock you say this is preferable to letting them sleep together in one room and you two in another?

Yes. We don't have to creep in or stay up late, to clarify - we just do. Historically, 2am is a pretty early bed time for me, before I had kids I often went to bed at 6 or 7am .

Anyway - I think much of people's concern is borne of an old fashioned idea that couples "must" sleep in the same bedroom to be... well... couply. Which is clearly nonsense. As it's fairly hard to be couply whilst asleep, in my experience.

I guess what I'm saying is, much as is standard, you're suggesting that we should try to do it differently because we must secretly want to be back in the same room? We're not bothered. There's no reason to mess with something that works.

[user104658]

If it's our sex life you're concerned for (perv! ) then basically...

We have a 4.5 year old, we haven't slept in the same room for 4 years. We also have an 18 month old. It's not been a problem

[Kizzy]

I have no interest in your sex life thankyou, fine if that's what works for you..