[Niamh.]

A comment posted in defense of a cheater gave me the inspiration for this thread. Is it ever ok for you to cheat on your partner? Or should the person that's been cheated on ever have to shoulder the blame?

[Ammi]

..hmm, I guess it's complicated when you don't know a relationship but even if the person cheated on was awful... I think the right thing is to end a marriage first and not cheat ..leave your partner, you don't have to cheat to do that...

[Cherie]

Depends if someone is a seriel cheater and can't keep their knickers/pants on while their long suffering partner is at home then no, but sometimes people have an affair as a one off due to going through a rough patch which their partner won't acknowledge or feeling neglected , then the other person has to shoulder some of the blame for not being supportive and helping each other through the rough times.

[Josy]

It's never ok, no matter what.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Depends if someone is a seriel cheater and can't keep their knickers/pants on while their long suffering partner is at home then no, but sometimes people have an affair as a one off due to going through a rough patch which their partner won't acknowledge or feeling neglected , then the other person has to shoulder some of the blame for not being supportive and helping each other through the rough times.

I still don't think that's an excuse to cheat. If you're not feeling supported by your partner and they refuse to acknowledge problems you're having then leave, cheating is surely just making those problems worse for a marriage/relationship

[Loukas]

Originally Posted by Josy

It's never ok, no matter what.

this. I've been cheated on by my first love/my best friend for years. The pain i went through i wouldn't wish on an enemy.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..hmm, I guess it's complicated when you don't know a relationship but even if the person cheated on was awful... I think the right thing is to end a marriage first and not cheat ..leave your partner, you don't have to cheat to do that...

I don't agree Ammi, people can make mistakes, and sometimes an affair can just happen without warning, boozy night out, or weekend away with the office crowd or whatever.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Depends if someone is a seriel cheater and can't keep their knickers/pants on while their long suffering partner is at home then no, but sometimes people have an affair as a one off due to going through a rough patch which their partner won't acknowledge or feeling neglected , then the other person has to shoulder some of the blame for not being supportive and helping each other through the rough times.

..what if both partners are going through a 'rough time' though Cherie..it still doesn't justify cheating ....people who go through rough times don't cheat, 'cheaters' cheat...

[Livia]

If the person who did the cheating was truly contrite, and it was just sex and not love, a strong relationship would get past it. I'm talking about marriage or long-term relationships. If it was someone I was dating I'd dump him so fast his head would spin.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I don't agree Ammi, people can make mistakes, and sometimes an affair can just happen without warning, boozy night out, or weekend away with the office crowd or whatever.

...I don't think it can 'just happen' though Cherie, I think someone has to be open to the possibility of it happening in the first place, whether it be a night out or not...

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I still don't think that's an excuse to cheat. If you're not feeling supported by your partner and they refuse to acknowledge problems you're having then leave, cheating is surely just making those problems worse for a marriage/relationship

It depends though because alot of marriages will go through a rough patchs and it can be at a time when one of the partners is under pressure at work or something and just doesn't realise how lonely or unsupported their partner is, and basically stop communicating, some marriages do come out the other side stronger than ever after a blip.

[arista]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Depends if someone is a seriel cheater and can't keep their knickers/pants on while their long suffering partner is at home then no, but sometimes people have an affair as a one off due to going through a rough patch which their partner won't acknowledge or feeling neglected , then the other person has to shoulder some of the blame for not being supportive and helping each other through the rough times.

Yes they are a major problem

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..what if both partners are going through a 'rough time' though Cherie..it still doesn't justify cheating ....people who go through rough times don't cheat, 'cheaters' cheat...

That's a bit too black and white for me Ammi, I see the grey areas

[Drew.]

Completely against it whatever the situation is.. would leave someone straight away if i found out they cheated.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Drew.

Completely against it whatever the situation is.. would leave someone straight away if i found out they cheated.

But in a situation where you loved the person, and had a long history together and maybe kids its not quite so easy to walk away.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

It depends though because alot of marriages will go through a rough patchs and it can be at a time when one of the partners is under pressure at work or something and just doesn't realise how lonely or unsupported their partner is, and basically stop communicating, some marriages do come out the other side stronger than ever after a blip.

...hmmm, but then most cheating could be justified though because I'm sure there are always 'reasons' for it...I had a friend who was pregnant and she had a really difficult pregnancy so maybe she didn't have the hugs etc for her partner as she did before but she couldn't help that, it was a time to be understanding of that but she found out that her husband had cheated on her..very much like you're describing, that he felt a bit less loved and someone else obviously filled that gap...so maybe he was right and justified..?..I just don't think it can be excused because every 'cheater' would probably think that their excuse was acceptable and ok....and it's something that has effected my friend's life and confidence long term, whereas he's not effected at all by it...

[Drew.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

But in a situation where you loved the person, and had a long history together and maybe kids its not quite so easy to walk away.

Depends on the age of the kids really.. Would be hard to do if they were young but for teenagers/grown up kids i'm sure quite a few of them would be happy to see the back of the parent that cheated so it changes things.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

That's a bit too black and white for me Ammi, I see the grey areas

..it is black and white though Cherie, it's not that I don't understand the 'grey' areas of relationships but they don't lead to cheating, someone has to be open to feeling something for someone else for that to happen...

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Ammi

...hmmm, but then most cheating could be justified though because I'm sure there are always 'reasons' for it...I had a friend who was pregnant and she had a really difficult pregnancy so maybe she didn't have the hugs etc for her partner as she did before but she couldn't help that, it was a time to be understanding of that but she found out that her husband had cheated on her..very much like you're describing, that he felt a bit less loved and someone else obviously filled that gap...so maybe he was right and justified..?..I just don't think it can be excused because every 'cheater' would probably think that their excuse was acceptable and ok....and it's something that has effected my friend's life and confidence long term, whereas he's not effected at all by it...

That is not what I meant at all Ammi when I spoke about a partner feeling neglected, that sounds like he was selfish and just needed sex, nothing to do with him needing support that is a whole different conversation!!!

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I don't agree Ammi, people can make mistakes, and sometimes an affair can just happen without warning, boozy night out, or weekend away with the office crowd or whatever.

Originally Posted by Livia

If the person who did the cheating was truly contrite, and it was just sex and not love, a strong relationship would get past it. I'm talking about marriage or long-term relationships. If it was someone I was dating I'd dump him so fast his head would spin.

I'm not saying that a marriage can't ever get passed someone cheating, but I don't think it's ever the person who was cheated ons fault

[Nedusa]

Once a cheater..........always a cheater

[Brother Leon]

If the partner is a piece of **** or aggressive/abusive then I would understand..otherwise I don't. I've been cheated on twice though so I am probably biased. Suppose I'm too "Over nice".

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

That is not what I meant at all Ammi when I spoke about a partner feeling neglected, that sounds like he was selfish and just needed sex, nothing to do with him needing support that is a whole different conversation!!!

..hmmm, I don't think it is another conversation though Cherie, it's only the person who has cheated who has defined what they see as support or lack of it etc..like they had problems at work etc..?..that only explains why they may feel low in someway, which happens to most people if not everyone at times...it doesn't justify or excuse cheating on their partner...

[Marsh.]

No. I don't think it's right to blame the person being cheated on.

If the cheater is not happy in their relationship then get some dignity and end the relationship before pursuing a new one.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Brother Leon

If the partner is a piece of **** or aggressive/abusive then I would understand..otherwise I don't. I've been cheated on twice though so I am probably biased. Suppose I'm too "Over nice".

..if they were aggressive or abusive would they not leave them though rather than cheat...