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Ashley. · 26-10-2015, 12:47 PM

I'd like to say I have a pretty good group of friends that I met at Uni, however there are a lot of things they don't know about me. I didn't tell them these things when I first met them because it's a bit full on shoving personal **** down the throats of people you've just met, but after a while I suppose I just "blocked" the bad side of me out - I feel like a completely different person around my friends, and it's not until I'm alone when it dawns on me that my life isn't really that perfect... I suppose deep down I want to forget about the things that I've done and I don't want to be defined by it, if you know what I mean, but I feel like the longer I'm keeping these things tucked in, the bigger the hole I'm digging and I feel like when I do finally tell them, it would be a shock to them that I kept it from them for so long. They might think I don't trust them?

What are your feelings about keeping things secret? Are you the type to open up to close friends or keep everything locked inside?

Crimson Dynamo · 26-10-2015, 12:49 PM

tell no one anything

if you tell someone they will tell someone else

people cannot keep secrets

fact

Jamie89 · 26-10-2015, 01:27 PM

I kind of know what you mean. I don't know what it is you haven't told them so it might not be the same sort of thing, but when I started uni I didn't tell my flatmates I was gay, even though my friends in my classes knew. It was silly really, and I never lied about it because they didn't ask, but I hid it at first because they were all straight guys and I thought I'd tell them after a few days because I wanted them to get to know me first. But the longer it went on the more difficult it got finding the right moment because you build it up in your head as a bigger thing than it actually is. Eventually one of my classmates was having a houseparty and my flatmates were also invited because of a mutual friend so I thought, right! I have to tell them before the party because I don't want them to find out from someone else. So like 10 minutes before we were due to leave I sat them all down (I was so nervous!) and I told them (I actually told one of them about 10 minutes before that just to test the waters lol) and it went really well. They weren't bothered at all, and they understood why I hadn't said anything before, and if anything I just felt like an idiot for assuming it would be a big deal haha. So my advice would be to bite the bullet, and if they're true friends they'll understand. If they don't then they probably aren't worth stressing over tbh

Jamie89 · 26-10-2015, 01:29 PM

Generally though (to answer your other Q) I'm a pretty open person with close friends and will tell them anything. But I tend to be more guarded around new people I meet

Ashley. · 26-10-2015, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiamBB

I kind of know what you mean. I don't know what it is you haven't told them so it might not be the same sort of thing, but when I started uni I didn't tell my flatmates I was gay, even though my friends in my classes knew. It was silly really, and I never lied about it because they didn't ask, but I hid it at first because they were all straight guys and I thought I'd tell them after a few days because I wanted them to get to know me first. But the longer it went on the more difficult it got finding the right moment because you build it up in your head as a bigger thing than it actually is. Eventually one of my classmates was having a houseparty and my flatmates were also invited because of a mutual friend so I thought, right! I have to tell them before the party because I don't want them to find out from someone else. So like 10 minutes before we were due to leave I sat them all down (I was so nervous!) and I told them (I actually told one of them about 10 minutes before that just to test the waters lol) and it went really well. They weren't bothered at all, and they understood why I hadn't said anything before, and if anything I just felt like an idiot for assuming it would be a big deal haha. So my advice would be to bite the bullet, and if they're true friends they'll understand. If they don't then they probably aren't worth stressing over tbh

Thanks for sharing, Liam! I've never done it (because I'm not gay

) but I can imagine how hard and nerve-wracking it would be. I agree with what you said, sometimes it's very hard to find the right moment to discuss these things... We're all pretty outgoing and we never really have time to discuss true feelings and I don't like to put a downer on a good day. I suppose I just have to wait until the right moment, or wait for them to open up to me then I'll return the favour. I guess you're right, it's probably a bigger deal then I'm making it out to be and they might not judge me at all. I'll just have to watch this space.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiamBB

Generally though (to answer your other Q) I'm a pretty open person with close friends and will tell them anything. But I tend to be more guarded around new people I meet

Yeah, I'm the same. I like to make a good first impression.

smudgie · 26-10-2015, 01:47 PM

Some things we like to keep to ourselves.
If you feel uncomfortable sharing then no harm in keeping it secret.
I have known hubby 38 year and I have never told him some of my secret.

Marsh. · 26-10-2015, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smudgie

I have known hubby 38 year and I have never told him some of my secret.

Liam- · 26-10-2015, 01:55 PM

I have trust issues so I don't tell anybody anything unless I have to, I like it that way.

smudgie · 26-10-2015, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marsh.

A bit of mystery is good for a marriage..just as long as I know everything about hm of course

LukeB · 26-10-2015, 01:59 PM

I'm a trustworthy person i keep anything a secret, but i only trust some people not a lot.

Kazanne · 26-10-2015, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marsh.

Who'de of thought,our Smudgie eh?

Marsh. · 26-10-2015, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smudgie

A bit of mystery is good for a marriage..just as long as I know everything about hm of course

Just as long as you're not leading a double life.

kirklancaster · 26-10-2015, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smudgie

Some things we like to keep to ourselves.
If you feel uncomfortable sharing then no harm in keeping it secret.
I have known hubby 38 year and I have never told him some of my secret.

Phew.... I can stop worrying that he knows about us now Smudgie.

kirklancaster · 26-10-2015, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

tell no one anything

if you tell someone they will tell someone else

people cannot keep secrets

fact

This is so true.

And as most people are only too ready to lie and besmirch, why help them by giving them ammunition?

Kate! · 26-10-2015, 02:52 PM

I've never told anyone I used to be a red hot telephone line operator

oopsy

disclaimer - jk

Livia · 26-10-2015, 03:00 PM

Not sure why anyone would want to share the dark minutiae of life that you yourself would rather forget. Make peace with it and let it go, don't burden other people with it.

Marsh. · 26-10-2015, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Livia

Not sure why anyone would want to share the dark minutiae of life that you yourself would rather forget. Make peace with it and let it go, don't burden other people with it.

Yeah, if it's a part of my life that is no longer relevant to the present and is long in the past then I don't feel the need to disclose it and wouldn't regard it as a "secret" tbh. Just something from a long time ago that no longer warrants a mention.

Dollface · 26-10-2015, 03:03 PM

There's one friend that i've shared everything with, we don't talk much nowadays but I still could tell her anything and know she wouldn't judge. But she's the only friend i'd share everything with, i'm quite closed with others. I share everything with my Mum and Sister too because they're like my best friends.
I don't really know what type of thing you're talking about though Ashley

If it's something you want to keep to yourself (for whatever reason) there's no reason for you to tell your friends.

Natalie. · 26-10-2015, 03:13 PM

I don't really tell anyone anything apart from a couple of people and even they don't know everything.
I don't trust people not to tell others etc

Ammi · 26-10-2015, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ashley.

I'd like to say I have a pretty good group of friends that I met at Uni, however there are a lot of things they don't know about me. I didn't tell them these things when I first met them because it's a bit full on shoving personal **** down the throats of people you've just met, but after a while I suppose I just "blocked" the bad side of me out - I feel like a completely different person around my friends, and it's not until I'm alone when it dawns on me that my life isn't really that perfect... I suppose deep down I want to forget about the things that I've done and I don't want to be defined by it, if you know what I mean, but I feel like the longer I'm keeping these things tucked in, the bigger the hole I'm digging and I feel like when I do finally tell them, it would be a shock to them that I kept it from them for so long. They might think I don't trust them?

What are your feelings about keeping things secret? Are you the type to open up to close friends or keep everything locked inside?

..maybe it's something that you find painful to consciously think about Ashley but that doesn't mean it's 'bad' and no one's life is perfect, there is no perfect...and I'm sure that some of your friends at Uni even, have their own 'bad'...and these things aren't defining at all, it's who you are now...your friends don't need to know something that isn't you now, so don't feel guilt or anything about not telling them...if they ever did somehow know and judged you in any way for it..?...then that's not a bad thing either Ashley...it may be upsetting to you but it will help you see more clearly, those people in your life that you want to carry with you and those that are better left in the past...

...

smudgie · 26-10-2015, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Livia

Not sure why anyone would want to share the dark minutiae of life that you yourself would rather forget. Make peace with it and let it go, don't burden other people with it.

My thoughts exactly Livia, somethings are best untold.