[Nicky91]

Natalie Drury lost Tim Madeley when he was just 50 on New Year's Day in 2015
Grieved for him while he was still alive as she knew the prognosis was terminal
Eight weeks after his death she went on a date that didn't turn into a relationship
Two years later some people said it was still to soon to join Plenty of Fish site

A widowed mother claims she has been shunned by friends and family members because she began dating just eight weeks after her husband died.

Natalie Drury lost husband Tim Madeley, 50, on New Year's Day 2015, following a battle with brain cancer. Eight weeks later, the 42-year-old nursery cook went on her first date since he died.

Although it didn't progress into a relationship, Natalie - now happily remarried to Paul Drury - claims the criticism she still faces is devastating.

Despite receiving support from most of her family, she claims some relatives, friends and colleagues shunned her.

Two years later when she joined Plenty of Fish, she says many friends told her it was still too soon.

Now happily married for the second time, Natalie is speaking out about love after bereavement to encourage others to stop being so judgemental.

Natalie, from Stalybridge, Greater Manchester, said: 'When Tim took ill in the August, they told me pretty early on what the outcome was going to be.

'I did my grieving in those four months while he was still here. I knew what was coming and I had to stay strong for our son Oliver.

'When the time came it was a release and when you lose someone, you lose your friends.

'When Tim died, my friends didn't call because they didn't know what to say, so they didn't say anything at all. I was in shock and so lonely.

'Eventually I got to the point where I did want to go out and so I went on a date with a local man.

'It didn't go anywhere but it caused people to say I had disrespected my husband. 'I had every respect for him - but I knew he was never coming back.

'I couldn't sit alone in my house crying. I went out and enjoyed myself for a few weeks.

'People avoid you when a loved one dies. Soon after Tim passed away I was walking down the street and people would cross over because they didn't know what to say. You do feel isolated.

'If you haven't been through it you can never understand. [Finding love again] doesn't mean I've no respect for Tim. Some people were judgemental, especially at work. I had got a job after he passed.

'People would say "it's only been two years" but I'd say "exactly - do you want me to sit on the sofa wearing black and never go out?" People are so quick to judge. It's not right.'

In the summer prior to his death, Tim and Natalie had been on holiday to Spain with their four-year-old son Oliver.

The couple were away for a week but days into the trip, Natalie noticed her husband was 'behaving really weird' and had been acting 'daft'.

A desperate Natalie called her father saying she wanted to come home and when the family returned to the UK, Tim visited the doctors.

'We went on holiday in 2014 to Spain which is when Tim started behaving really weird,' she said.

'He'd be walking with his head on the side or if I gave him his lunch on a plate, he'd looked at me and tip it all on the floor. We'd gone over there because he'd agree to do some work on a villa.

'As the week went on, he hadn't done any painting and was just behaving really daft. I began to notice something wasn't right.

'When we got back, I took him straight to the doctors and they thought he'd had a stroke. He went into hospital that night and he was soon diagnosed with a brain tumour.

'The specialists said that because we'd been on holiday the air pressure on the plane had accelerated the tumour.

'He went to The Christie in Manchester but there was nothing they could do. They gave him chemotherapy but it wasn't doing anything at all.

'I did mourn. From getting the brain tumour, each of the words that came out Tim's mouth you couldn't take seriously. It was like talking to an older person with dementia. He wanted me to be happy and move on.'

That December, Natalie scrambled around to afford Christmas presents for Oliver as her husband lay in his hospice bed.

During what should have been a happy time of year, she agonised over how to tell her little boy that his dad might not make it through the month.

'It was horrendous, especially during that Christmas,' she said. 'I was trying to keep things jolly for Oliver but I was struggling for money.

'Sadly Tim was soon transferred to a hospice. He couldn't speak or move around. It was just terrible.

'Oliver understood what was happening. He asked me "is my daddy going to die?".

'I could have lied and said no. But I sat him down and explained in terms a four-year-old would be able to understand.

'Tim had been the breadwinner and I'd been at home with Oliver, so people rallied round us to make sure he got some Christmas presents.

'Tim survived through Christmas but the week later he went downhill. On New Year's Day 2015 he passed away.'

Suffering with the crippling loneliness and grief, Natalie decided to begin dating again just eight weeks later.

However when her first dates didn't come to anything, she focused on helping her son Oliver come to terms with losing his father. By 2016, Natalie decided to get out there once again and started dating again.

'I joined Plenty of Fish and that's where I met Paul,' she said. 'It was a happy ending. Paul is a lovely man and from the start I told him the whole story.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ds-family.html

[Toy Soldier]

If I die I hope my wife finds companionship ASAP . There's nothing worse than loneliness.

[AnnieK]

Before she died, my mum asked me to support my dad if he met anyone in the future, whenever that may be. He still hasn't and I doubt he will but I would be glad he had someone to share his days with if it ever happened

[Niamh.]

I told Gav that I would haunt him if I died and he met anyone else

[DouglasS]

I think its selfish to want your partner to spend the rest of their lives alone

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by DouglasS

I think its selfish to want your partner to spend the rest of their lives alone

I was only joking, well I did say it but it was a joke there's no such thing as ghosts

[thesheriff443]

You do hear things like she or he could not of loved him/her if they move on quickly.

Niamh gone on the Monday, gav out on the pull on the Friday.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

If I die I hope my wife finds companionship ASAP . There's nothing worse than loneliness.

LT is already waiting in the wings.

[DouglasS]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I was only joking, well I did say it but it was a joke there's no such thing as ghosts

It wasn't targetted at you, I just saw your post . Just about the thread topic.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by DouglasS

It wasn't targetted at you, I just saw your post . Just about the thread topic.

[Ashley.]

'People avoid you when a loved one dies. Soon after Tim passed away I was walking down the street and people would cross over because they didn't know what to say. You do feel isolated.

When you're lonely, two months can feel like four years. Loneliness is a horrible thing, especially after a bereavement. Shame on those who forced her to go through it alone.

[smudgie]

Both my kids have been sat down and told that I want hubby to meet someone else after I go. If you really love someone then you naturally want them to carry on life and find happiness.
However I depend on him to be discreet and allow them all to mourn first.
My sister lost her husband at 39, left with 4 kids, ended up with his cousin and went through hell with the two daughters.
It was just too soon for them
Thankfully things got better as they got older and all is well now.