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TomC · 08-10-2015, 07:44 PM

Basically there's a very messy situation with a guy in my year.

There's this guy in my year who was discovered to be Bisexual on the site tinder. However he doesn't know that everyone knows.

However, it surfaced that he'd previously 'came out' to one of my good friends anyway. The guy who is bi acts homophobic all the time, and I was saying to my friend that this made me lose respect for him as there's just no need.

My friend however said its ok because it's a defence mechanism. I was trying to say there shouldn't need to be any 'defence mechanism' yet my friends thinks that almost everyone is homophobic to a degree which I think is nonsense.

I personally don't believe homophobia should ever be condoned, especially in this situation.

Daniel. · 08-10-2015, 07:45 PM

I don't believe everyone is homophobic to agree at all

But I understand the bi guy's situation, I us to pretend to be annoyed with gays before I came out and became comfortable with my sexuality.

Daniel. · 08-10-2015, 07:45 PM

I don't believe everyone is homophobic to agree at all

But I understand the bi guy's situation, I us to pretend to be annoyed with gays before I came out and became comfortable with my sexuality..

Niamh. · 08-10-2015, 07:46 PM

How is he being homophobic? Like what does he do?

JoshBB · 08-10-2015, 07:46 PM

I mean, I didn't act like an asshole before I came out.. but I understand from when I was pretending to be straight how much it can become this huge secret that nobody can EVER know, so I guess it's not really acceptable but slightly excused.

TomC · 08-10-2015, 07:50 PM

I'm in the closet so to speak but I've not claimed to be straight since I was like 13. And I've NEVER been homophobic as a defence mechanism. It's just against my principle.

He's not so homophobic now but he used to say explicitly he was, now he says he's 'used to the whole gay thing'.

JoshBB · 08-10-2015, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hownwbrowncow

I'm in the closet so to speak but I've not claimed to be straight since I was like 13. And I've NEVER been homophobic as a defence mechanism. It's just against my principle.

He's not so homophobic now but he used to say explicitly he was, now he says he's 'used to the whole gay thing'.

I still think its wrong to use homophobia as a defense mechanism, but obviously it's not in the same league as when a straight person deliberately goes out of their way to shame people for something they can't change.

Daniel. · 08-10-2015, 07:53 PM

It is wrong, but some people feel the need to do it.

Headie · 08-10-2015, 07:55 PM

What year are you in? Should they even be on Tinder if they're still in school? (or is this like college/uni stuff)

I don't think homophobia is ever acceptable, jut like racism isn't, sexism isn't etc. However it is quite common for gay people to pretend to be homophobic before they actually come out in order to deflect attention away from people realising they actually are gay. I guess it's just an insecurity issue that only goes away once you accept who you are.

TomC · 08-10-2015, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hayden

What year are you in? Should they even be on Tinder if they're still in school? (or is this like college/uni stuff)

I don't think homophobia is ever acceptable, jut like racism isn't, sexism isn't etc. However it is quite common for gay people to pretend to be homophobic before they actually come out in order to deflect attention away from people realising they actually are gay. I guess it's just an insecurity issue that only goes away once you accept who you are.

We're in our final year at school (17/18). I don't know it had an age limit - I'm not on it.

Headie · 08-10-2015, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hownwbrowncow

We're in our final year at school (17/18). I don't know it had an age limit - I'm not on it.

I've no idea if it has an age limit, I was just curious how old they were when you said "year" because I'm not sure Tinder is suitable for 13/14 yr olds

17/18 is fine I guess, although I don't really know much about Tinder other than it's a dating app.

Ashley. · 08-10-2015, 08:11 PM

I'm not homophobic and have never said anything homophobic, but when people say homophobic things about other people it doesn't really bother me. If that makes me homophobic too then welp.

Josiah. · 08-10-2015, 08:17 PM

I have never been homophobic, and will never be (especially since I started coming out). By the way, Tinder in the U.S. has an age limit of 17+.

kirklancaster · 08-10-2015, 09:06 PM

NO - Homophobia is NEVER acceptable - Why should it ever be?

joeysteele · 09-10-2015, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

NO - Homophobia is NEVER acceptable - Why should it ever be?

A fair bit of agreement breaking out between you and I Kirk, I totally agree again with you on this.

kirklancaster · 09-10-2015, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joeysteele

A fair bit of agreement breaking out between you and I Kirk, I totally agree again with you on this.

If you seriously sit and think about both our journeys Joey, we are so much alike.

You were a Conservative supporter Joey, then your subsequent direct life experiences of how the poor, sick and vulnerable are being hurt by the policies of the very party you support, completely reshaped your political persuasion, and because you are a very passionate person and 'wear your heart on your sleeve', your posts - while always objective and valid - sometimes become 'heated'.

I was a staunch Labour supporter, then my subsequent direct life experiences of how Labour policies afforded the scumbags in this country and others newly immigrant to it, to abuse, milk, and defraud the very systems put in place to benefit the genuine needy, completely reshaped my political persuasion. Again, because I am a very passionate person who also wears his heart on his sleeve, my posts, which I try to ensure are always objective and valid, can sometimes also be inflammatory.

I genuinely respect you Joey, and admire your knowledge of politics, and though we are to all intents and purposes on opposite sides of the political divide, I do not believe that we are so different, and I genuinely believe that neither of us are motivated by anything other than a desire to secure what is best for our families and the people of this great country. And I DO genuinely believe, that for all its faults and its sometimes dubious and shameful history, this IS the greatest country in the world.

If I could take the best of Labour policies, the best of Conservative, and - yes - the best of UKIP policies, and produce one sensible, genuine political party who said what they meant, meant what they said, who actually delivered on their Manifesto Pledges and eradicated ALL the many social injustices in the UK under the present system - I would give them my vote forever.

If only.

Until then, you have my promise, that I will never again become so involved in a SD thread, that I jeopordise our mutual respect for each other, or the friendship we had at the beginning.

joeysteele · 10-10-2015, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

If you seriously sit and think about both our journeys Joey, we are so much alike.

You were a Conservative supporter Joey, then your subsequent direct life experiences of how the poor, sick and vulnerable are being hurt by the policies of the very party you support, completely reshaped your political persuasion, and because you are a very passionate person and 'wear your heart on your sleeve', your posts - while always objective and valid - sometimes become 'heated'.

I was a staunch Labour supporter, then my subsequent direct life experiences of how Labour policies afforded the scumbags in this country and others newly immigrant to it, to abuse, milk, and defraud the very systems put in place to benefit the genuine needy, completely reshaped my political persuasion. Again, because I am a very passionate person who also wears his heart on his sleeve, my posts, which I try to ensure are always objective and valid, can sometimes also be inflammatory.

I genuinely respect you Joey, and admire your knowledge of politics, and though we are to all intents and purposes on opposite sides of the political divide, I do not believe that we are so different, and I genuinely believe that neither of us are motivated by anything other than a desire to secure what is best for our families and the people of this great country. And I DO genuinely believe, that for all its faults and its sometimes dubious and shameful history, this IS the greatest country in the world.

If I could take the best of Labour policies, the best of Conservative, and - yes - the best of UKIP policies, and produce one sensible, genuine political party who said what they meant, meant what they said, who actually delivered on their Manifesto Pledges and eradicated ALL the many social injustices in the UK under the present system - I would give them my vote forever. If only.

Until then, you have my promise, that I will never again become so involved in a SD thread, that I jeopordise our mutual respect for each other, or the friendship we had at the beginning.

Nice one, it is actually my thinking too.

Add to it a consensus from parties that no discrimination is tolerated and no demonization of any section of UK society then that could be at last a governing force that would be worthy of full and absolute respect and support.

Smithy · 08-10-2015, 09:07 PM

umm no?

TomC · 08-10-2015, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ashley.

I'm not homophobic and have never said anything homophobic, but when people say homophobic things about other people it doesn't really bother me. If that makes me homophobic too then welp.

I don't think it makes you homophobic, but it suggests you think is acceptable, which is wrong.

Ashley. · 09-10-2015, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hownwbrowncow

I don't think it makes you homophobic, but it suggests you think is acceptable, which is wrong.

I think I'm just a bit selfish in that aspect... I don't really bother with things that don't involve me. I'm a bit of a Rachel Rice. Obviously I'd stick up for a homosexual as opposed to a homophobe if the situation of an argument ever arose, though.

Kizzy · 09-10-2015, 09:47 AM

It seems like it's cathartic, the lad was struggling with his sexuality. When straight people are homophobic out of ignorance that's wrong, but when a homosexual/ bisexual is fighting feelings of confusion I wouldn't say it was no.