[rubymoo]

This is a bit of a rant about my doctor.

I went to the doctors yesterday about my insomnia, it's got to the point where i can barely function and has been going on since i was 16 (my mum died when i was 16).

I saw this doctor regularly 14/15 years ago when i was pregnant with twins, who were a result of fertility treatment, so i was highly anxious that this precious gift i was carrying would be taken away as my mum was, so this particular time in my life was fraught with anxiety as i did everything to protect my babies, and yes during this time i had some pretty wild anxious thoughts, the house bursting into flames from faulty wiring comes to mind, and i told my doctor about all my wild anxieties (he suggested this rather than refer me to counselling).

So....i had my babies and they've grown into beautiful young ladies, but this problem with sleeping has persisted, it's probably a habit now, and i don't know what to do about it.

I wake up after a couple of hours, it seems my brain isn't fully shutting down and if i hear a tiny noise my brain quickly goes on alert and wakes me, i could be awake for a few minutes or i could be awake for hours, i never get more than 2-3 hours sleep in a block, and i'm sooooooo tired

So as i said i went to the doctors yesterday, and i burst into tears because i'm sooooo tired, he handed me tissues and went on to say that it was anxiety and that he remembered when i was pregnant and my wild anxious thoughts........i was gobsmacked!

He went on to tell me how i felt, how i was having anxious thoughts that were preventing me from sleeping, he then went on to tell me all about the stages of sleep(how the hell is that going to help me!) and ended up waffling on for most of my 10 minute appointment, he spoke to me like i was a twat.

I tried to explain that i wasn't anxious and i actually have no problem getting to sleep, it's the staying a sleep that's the issue, and if i was this anxious person (and i do admit that i have had my anxious episodes and panic attacks) then i would have taken my girls to see him every time they had a sniffle, when i haven't.

He didn't stop to ask me if i'd had any other symptoms, he didn't ask me if i was worrying about anything, he didn't ask me if there were family problems, he didn't ask me if i'd tried anything to help me sleep, he had basically diagnosed me just by seeing my name on his patient list, this was yesterday and i'm still fuming, he asked me if i wanted to see a counsellor but i've seen one twice and i've talked through things, and i don't want to go over old ground, it is what it is, so he said about me going for CBT, but i don't have any worrying thoughts, i'm just tired!

I suppose i wanted him to prescribe me something just to keep me asleep at night for a couple of weeks in an attempt to try and break this habit.

#feelingsad