[Angus]

There have been times in my life when I haven't wanted to go on, but I would never have killed myself and put my family and friends through such awful pain and guilt. I know that if someone I loved committed suicide I would never, ever get over it and it would probably cast a shadow over the rest of my life. Why would I want to inflict that sort of torture on anyone else?

[Ithinkiloveyoutoo]

Originally Posted by angus58

There have been times in my life when I haven't wanted to go on, but I would never have killed myself and put my family and friends through such awful pain and guilt. I know that if someone I loved committed suicide I would never, ever get over it and it would probably cast a shadow over the rest of my life. Why would I want to inflict that sort of torture on anyone else?

Because at that time when you're the darkest place you have ever been when all you feel is despair, no self worth, no purpose, no way up, no escape you don't think about other people and their lives, you think about the pain you are going through and how not existing must surely be better than existing the way you are at that moment.
If you do think about your family and friends you're probably thinking they might cry for an hour then they'll get over, they'll get on with life. That's your state of mind at that darkest moment;you don't matter that much, there's no other way out. Matt Lucas ex boyfriend was an example of this " "Kevin McGee thinks death is much better than life." How about Alexander McQueen, all that money, successful business, loads of friends and all that mattered in those last moments was him, his demons in total darkness. I have come to this moment so many times what got me out of that like I mentioned before was the fact that my family but the fear of god in me that suicide equals=murder as our body is not our own and murder is a sin therefore eternal fire. I keep thinking about that scene in ghost when the dark ghosts come and take the friend and drag him away screaming lol, or one of Kanye west's video where a woman jumps off a cliff and as she's falling a large dark spirit comes out the water and expands their arms to catch her lol

I don't know what goes through the mind of people that self harm to be honest. Does the pain make you feel good for a bit? Do you feel you deserve pain?