[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Brother Leon

You would think so, but sometimes they might be too scared to do so perhaps.

..hmmm, but if a partner was being aggressive then surely cheating on them would risk them finding out and lead to more aggression/worse....

[Marsh.]

No. I don't think it's right to blame the person being cheated on.

If the cheater is not happy in their relationship then get some dignity and end the relationship before pursuing a new one.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Marsh.

No. I don't think it's right to blame the person being cheated on.

If the cheater is not happy in their relationship then get some dignity and end the relationship before pursuing a new one.

..for me, this is actually it exactly...

[Marsh.]

Yeah, I could just about understand a one off mistake depending on the circumstances, but a continuous affair or serial cheater is unforgivable.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Marsh.

Yeah, I could just about understand a one off mistake depending on the circumstances, but a continuous affair or serial cheater is unforgivable.

.

Wise words Marsh.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

.

Wise words Marsh.

That's not the question I asked though, the question is should the person cheated on deserve some of the blame not whether they could get passed it or not

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

That's not the question I asked though, the question is should the person cheated on deserve some of the blame not whether they could get passed it or not

I do believe in some cases the cheatee has to shoulder the blame

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I do believe in some cases the cheatee has to shoulder the blame

Cheatee lol

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I do believe in some cases the cheatee has to shoulder the blame

..is the cheatee the partner do you mean..?...yeah I do believe when a relationship has difficulties then both partners need to address that because the 'fault' often lies with both and maybe it's something that can be worked on or maybe not but it still doesn't justify cheating though..they separate and then they're open to a new relationship....I'm not finished with you yet Cherie.........

[Marsh.]

Then no.

Unless they are abusing their partner and being extremely difficult in which case I would ask why, if they're too scared/intimidated to leave, how are they comfortable enough to have an affair and risk more wrath?

[Natalie.]

I don't think it is ever ok to cheat on someone and I don't see how it ever could be. In my eyes the cheater is the one to blame not the person who is being cheated on.

[Tom4784]

If someone is going to cheat than they are obviously not happy. They should be brave enough to either try and fix their relationship or end it and move on. There is no point in remaining in an unhappy relationship. Trying to have it both ways is cowardly.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

If someone is going to cheat than they are obviously not happy. They should be brave enough to either try and fix their relationship or end it and move on. There is no point in remaining in an unhappy relationship. Trying to have it both ways is cowardly.

..but this is exactly it, thank you Dezzy...

[Livia]

If cheating somehow inadvertently kick-starts the "I'm not happy" discussion, and forgiveness and reconciliation follows, isn't it a mistake to think that everyone who cheats should leave the relationship? Some people go through a patch like that, both sides understand that it was stupid and a mistake and move on with their relationship.

Edit... kind of what Dezzy said. Soz... I didn't read yours till I posted this.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Livia

If cheating somehow inadvertently kick-starts the "I'm not happy" discussion, and forgiveness and reconciliation follows, isn't it a mistake to think that everyone who cheats should leave the relationship? Some people go through a patch like that, both sides understand that it was stupid and a mistake and move on with their relationship.

Edit... kind of what Dezzy said. Soz... I didn't read yours till I posted this.

Well they should have the balls to kick start the "I'm not happy" discussion before jumping into someone else's bed. That's just cowardly.

One person leaving, saying they are no longer happy will surely bring everything up a lot sooner and then if they wanted to could then move onto discussion, forgiveness and reconciliation.

[Livia]

Originally Posted by Marsh.

Well they should have the balls to kick start the "I'm not happy" discussion before jumping into someone else's bed. That's just cowardly.

One person leaving, saying they are no longer happy will surely bring everything up a lot sooner and then if they wanted to could then move onto discussion, forgiveness and reconciliation.

In a perfect work, with perfect humans.... only humans aren't perfect and if they think they can get away with something, they probably will go for it. People will always cheat. It's the way we're made.

Anyhoo, none of us can make massive judgements about what other couples will do. Every single case is different and down to the individual.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Livia

In a perfect work, with perfect humans.... only humans aren't perfect and if they think they can get away with something, they probably will go for it. People will always cheat. It's the way we're made.

Of course it's not perfect. People cheat, they think they can get away with it. Precisely right.

BUT, we're talking about them excusing their behaviour through blaming their partner/relationship not people who cheat because it's the way they're made.

Cheating for cheating's sake is black and white, bin them.

[Livia]

Originally Posted by Marsh.

Of course it's not perfect. People cheat, they think they can get away with it. Precisely right.

BUT, we're talking about them excusing their behaviour through blaming their partner/relationship not people who cheat because it's the way they're made.

Cheating for cheating's sake is black and white, bin them.

For the record, I don't think it's ever right of acceptable for the person being unfaithful to lay the blame for their infidelity at the feel of the person being cheated on. That's just a cop out.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Livia

In a perfect work, with perfect humans.... only humans aren't perfect and if they think they can get away with something, they probably will go for it. People will always cheat. It's the way we're made.

That's a cynical kind of an attitude I would never cheat on Gav because I would know and I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye

[Livia]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

That's a cynical kind of an attitude I would never cheat on Gav because I would know and I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye

Not everyone is the same, but you know, lots and lots of people cheat. If something's laid out of a plate, and you [not you per se] think that their partner won't get to find out about it, lots of people would take that opportunity. I'm cynical because humans are... human.

[Niamh.]

Yeah exactly....or maybe even say, I almost cheated on you, we need to sort this out or split up because I'm better than that, I will not become a cheater

[Nedusa]

Regardless of how strong or how close your relationship is, if your partner admitted they had cheated on you for whatever reason, the relationship as it stands is over.

You may continue the relationship with that person but the trust has gone forever and the relationship has changed from that point on.

And as trust is one of the most important aspects of any relationship once that has gone then what's left will be poorer for it's loss.

So yes relationships can survive one partner cheating, but the depth and strength of that union is forever weakened by the infidelity.

[Vicky.]

I would say its always the fault of the person cheating.

However its not always as black and white as just leaving your partner. Also feel theres a huge difference between a one off and a full on affair. A one off I could personally forgive pretty easily...an affair not so much.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

I would say its always the fault of the person cheating.

However its not always as black and white as just leaving your partner. Also feel theres a huge difference between a one off and a full on affair. A one off I could personally forgive pretty easily...an affair not so much.

Well, with the affair, you have the lying to your face and sneaking around to add to just the actual cheating, don't you?


lol, this was a bit weird, Gav just rang me and our conversation was :

Gav : Did you cheat?
Me : Yeah
Gav : Me too
Me : ah that's ok then, i don't feel so bad


he was talking about what I ate for lunch lol

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Well, with the affair, you have the lying to your face and sneaking around to add to just the actual cheating, don't you?

Yeah..plus the knowing it wasn't just a weak moment too.