[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Marsh.

No. I don't think it's right to blame the person being cheated on.

If the cheater is not happy in their relationship then get some dignity and end the relationship before pursuing a new one.

..for me, this is actually it exactly...

[Marsh.]

Yeah, I could just about understand a one off mistake depending on the circumstances, but a continuous affair or serial cheater is unforgivable.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..hmmm, I don't think it is another conversation though Cherie, it's only the person who has cheated who has defined what they see as support or lack of it etc..like they had problems at work etc..?..that only explains why they may feel low in someway, which happens to most people if not everyone at times...it doesn't justify or excuse cheating on their partner...

But what your friends husband did was out of feeling physically neglected, but given she was pregnant his actions were totally selfish as she couldn't fulfil his needs at that time due to her pregnancy problems, they pregnancy wasn't going to last forever but he went ahead anyway. Anyway this is one of the grey areas I am talking about in this circumstance the cheater was 100% to blame.

[Brother Leon]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..if they were aggressive or abusive would they not leave them though rather than cheat...

You would think so, but sometimes they might be too scared to do so perhaps.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Marsh.

Yeah, I could just about understand a one off mistake depending on the circumstances, but a continuous affair or serial cheater is unforgivable.

.

Wise words Marsh.

[Jessica.]

Originally Posted by Josy

It's never ok, no matter what.

I agree.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

.

Wise words Marsh.

That's not the question I asked though, the question is should the person cheated on deserve some of the blame not whether they could get passed it or not

[Marsh.]

Then no.

Unless they are abusing their partner and being extremely difficult in which case I would ask why, if they're too scared/intimidated to leave, how are they comfortable enough to have an affair and risk more wrath?

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

But what your friends husband did was out of feeling physically neglected, but given she was pregnant his actions were totally selfish as she couldn't fulfil his needs at that time due to her pregnancy problems, they pregnancy wasn't going to last forever but he went ahead anyway. Anyway this is one of the grey areas I am talking about in this circumstance the cheater was 100% to blame.

..I think we'll have to agree to disagree Cherie......the cheater is always to blame for cheating, it really is that black and white to me...they may not share all the responsibility in any difficulties in a relationship and I do understand that, that's the bit that is 'grey'.. but they're the only ones responsible and to blame for their actions in how they handled those problems...

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Brother Leon

You would think so, but sometimes they might be too scared to do so perhaps.

..hmmm, but if a partner was being aggressive then surely cheating on them would risk them finding out and lead to more aggression/worse....

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

That's not the question I asked though, the question is should the person cheated on deserve some of the blame not whether they could get passed it or not

I do believe in some cases the cheatee has to shoulder the blame

[Natalie.]

I don't think it is ever ok to cheat on someone and I don't see how it ever could be. In my eyes the cheater is the one to blame not the person who is being cheated on.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..I think we'll have to agree to disagree Cherie......the cheater is always to blame for cheating, it really is that black and white to me...they may not share all the responsibility in any difficulties in a relationship and I do understand that, that's the bit that is 'grey'.. but they're the only ones responsible and to blame for their actions in how they handled those problems...

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..I think we'll have to agree to disagree Cherie......the cheater is always to blame for cheating, it really is that black and white to me...they may not share all the responsibility in any difficulties in a relationship and I do understand that, that's the bit that is 'grey'.. but they're the only ones responsible and to blame for their actions in how they handled those problems...

Exactly.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I do believe in some cases the cheatee has to shoulder the blame

Cheatee lol

[Tom4784]

If someone is going to cheat than they are obviously not happy. They should be brave enough to either try and fix their relationship or end it and move on. There is no point in remaining in an unhappy relationship. Trying to have it both ways is cowardly.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I do believe in some cases the cheatee has to shoulder the blame

..is the cheatee the partner do you mean..?...yeah I do believe when a relationship has difficulties then both partners need to address that because the 'fault' often lies with both and maybe it's something that can be worked on or maybe not but it still doesn't justify cheating though..they separate and then they're open to a new relationship....I'm not finished with you yet Cherie.........

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

If someone is going to cheat than they are obviously not happy. They should be brave enough to either try and fix their relationship or end it and move on. There is no point in remaining in an unhappy relationship. Trying to have it both ways is cowardly.

..but this is exactly it, thank you Dezzy...

[Livia]

If cheating somehow inadvertently kick-starts the "I'm not happy" discussion, and forgiveness and reconciliation follows, isn't it a mistake to think that everyone who cheats should leave the relationship? Some people go through a patch like that, both sides understand that it was stupid and a mistake and move on with their relationship.

Edit... kind of what Dezzy said. Soz... I didn't read yours till I posted this.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Livia

If cheating somehow inadvertently kick-starts the "I'm not happy" discussion, and forgiveness and reconciliation follows, isn't it a mistake to think that everyone who cheats should leave the relationship? Some people go through a patch like that, both sides understand that it was stupid and a mistake and move on with their relationship.

Edit... kind of what Dezzy said. Soz... I didn't read yours till I posted this.

Well they should have the balls to kick start the "I'm not happy" discussion before jumping into someone else's bed. That's just cowardly.

One person leaving, saying they are no longer happy will surely bring everything up a lot sooner and then if they wanted to could then move onto discussion, forgiveness and reconciliation.

[Niamh.]

Yeah exactly....or maybe even say, I almost cheated on you, we need to sort this out or split up because I'm better than that, I will not become a cheater

[Livia]

Originally Posted by Marsh.

Well they should have the balls to kick start the "I'm not happy" discussion before jumping into someone else's bed. That's just cowardly.

One person leaving, saying they are no longer happy will surely bring everything up a lot sooner and then if they wanted to could then move onto discussion, forgiveness and reconciliation.

In a perfect work, with perfect humans.... only humans aren't perfect and if they think they can get away with something, they probably will go for it. People will always cheat. It's the way we're made.

Anyhoo, none of us can make massive judgements about what other couples will do. Every single case is different and down to the individual.

[Nedusa]

Regardless of how strong or how close your relationship is, if your partner admitted they had cheated on you for whatever reason, the relationship as it stands is over.

You may continue the relationship with that person but the trust has gone forever and the relationship has changed from that point on.

And as trust is one of the most important aspects of any relationship once that has gone then what's left will be poorer for it's loss.

So yes relationships can survive one partner cheating, but the depth and strength of that union is forever weakened by the infidelity.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Livia

In a perfect work, with perfect humans.... only humans aren't perfect and if they think they can get away with something, they probably will go for it. People will always cheat. It's the way we're made.

Of course it's not perfect. People cheat, they think they can get away with it. Precisely right.

BUT, we're talking about them excusing their behaviour through blaming their partner/relationship not people who cheat because it's the way they're made.

Cheating for cheating's sake is black and white, bin them.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Livia

In a perfect work, with perfect humans.... only humans aren't perfect and if they think they can get away with something, they probably will go for it. People will always cheat. It's the way we're made.

That's a cynical kind of an attitude I would never cheat on Gav because I would know and I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye