[Matthew.]

Survivor Africa

1. Frank - (This is one of my longer write ups but it’s a good one nonetheless) FRANK Such a strange creature that I enjoyed the whole way through, yes as a person I’m not *that* keen on him, but as a character I could watch him all day long. Frank is a very blunt and unsociable person but as Teresa put it, “What can I say about Frank other than, Frank is Frank.” Highlights from The Frank Garrison Journey include but are not limited to:
- Refusing to take a break from lighting a fire because he had his break when he spent 9 months inside his mother’s womb.
- Describing his military service as “It’s called FREEDOM.”
- Objecting to Lindsey having a friendship bracelet because nonsense does not come before fire, shelter or water.
- Spending his birthday carving his children’s names into a tree.
- Being 43 years old and not having heard the term “brunch” before and having to ask Kim if it was a combination of breakfast and lunch, and then asking when it is consumed.
- Wanting to collect wood as opposed to meeting the new tribe members.
- Saying that he connects more with the elephants than most of the people in his tribe.
- Describing the merge as being invited to a Wagner family reunion when your last name is Smith.
- Playing Never Have I Ever for the first time and following Tom’s confession that Kim Johnson “turns him on” and Teresa having sex in an airplane, with his own confession that he has never broken the honour of a handshake, then going to collect more wood instead of hearing other people’s turns.
- Having a confessional that he loves to mingle with people (self-awareness isn’t really Frank’s thing in this area)
- Deciding that the day he was most likely getting voted out was the day to come out as a conservative who hates the liberal media and anti-gun activists.
(I could go on and on. )

2. Kelly - Kelly is a very witty person who was a delight once she crawled out of the UTR1 pit she got herself stuck into for the first few episodes.
“Frank is a very big loner, he socially seems so inept, I mean a guess a large portion of the population is introverted and anti social, and that’s....... fine, but i feel like there are prescription drugs to counteract that and he should be on them! ”
“Lex is soooo politicing for a win, and that!s fine, but just watching him kiss Tom’s ass in front of everyone, in his Dad Voice, annoys me. Am I the only one who noticed this? ”
(after Lex tells Clarence that he is going home) “Oh and as if that’s more ethical, Lex is like oh I can’t bold face lie to him! Ok you can just lie to him all day when it would be inconvenient to tell him the truth, but then at the last possible moment you slip in the truth and that makes you an ethical person. OKAY. I really like Clarence, the kid has really grown on me. He’s part of the group. Unlike Crazy Outcast Frank! ”
“This morning, Lex was just a total jerk, I mean, what do you expect in this game? Somebody voted for you, Mr Ego. Deal with it. Okay, it really wasn’t me, but screw you Lex!”
“Benjamin, isn’t there something you want to tell me? Oh yes Mrs Robinson, thank you for the opportuni… No, no, Benjamin. The room number. 568. The Graduate’s my favourite movie. Congratulations! ”

3. Lex - I know that Lex isn’t popular among the people who watch Survivor here and I totally get it. Lex can be a ****ing asshole, and WAS one for a large portion of the game. But that just endeared him more to me for some reason I really enjoyed the transition from obnoxious MOR person who was trying to be everyone’s Dad to this CPN-turned OTTN maniac who was a contender the most paranoid person alive and inadvertently threatened to slit Teresa’s throat The only objection I have to this is that it led to the demise of angel Kelly Goldsmith </3

4. Lindsey - I really enjoyed Lindsey! Not quite the OTTN5 mess everyone makes her out to be but still a very enjoyable one nonetheless, who announced to the whole tribe that she was on her period, which Frank did not appreciate. I AM A WALKING MISTAKE DROP DEAD FRANK

5. Linda - Lmao what a mess Her obsession with Africa to the point where she didn’t like people joking about it was a hoot, and Brandon summed her up perfectly when he described her as a typical crazy mom.

6. Clarence - I felt really sorry for Clarence in the beginning as the treatment of him was pretty uncomfortable to watch, but he solidified himself in Green Zone when he dragged Diane as he voted her off by telling her she was nothing like his mother and he was ashamed to have once thought otherwise Fun Fact: He auditioned for BBUS2 but they thought he was better suited for this instead. So he went from Mike Boogie to Big Tom and what a choice that is

7. Teresa - Slightly overrated but still enjoyable nonetheless. And let’s not forget the time she was just like ok let’s all admit who were voting out before the TC! All out in the open! And if it wasn’t for her, we may not have gotten Crazy Lex so there’s also that!

8. Brandon - Brandon was quite witty and I enjoyed him for the role that he played in this season. Someone on Sucks described him as the cynical eye-roller of the season and I feel like that sums him up fairly well? “I would rather go home than align with Frank”

9. Kim Johnson - A lovely woman but I’m not entirely sure she’s worth all the hype she gets, although I did like the sneaky dig at Tom being a sexist in her JURY SPEECH of all times

10. Carl - Pretty irrelevant but being an old guy who is voted out third for having a Mercedes is a hilarious arc to me

11. Silas - Silas was fine I guess but for a CPNer, he didn’t leave that much of an impression on me. And sorry to bring up edgic again but I weirdly like how his edgic goes 1/2/3/4/5

12. Kim Powers - Kim was fine but she left little impression on me other than that she hated Lex and that’s pretty much it?

13. Ethan - Nice guy but dull sorry about it.

14. Jessie - Seemed fine but left too early for me to make a decision.

15. Diane - This twat Imagine becoming ill, having someone take care of you, and then throwing that person under the bus because lmao why not. Because that’s what Diane did to poor Clarence who gave her a tin of beans to get her strength up, which was a nice thing to do, albeit not the smartest thing to do but w/e, and when he was getting screamed at by everyone, she was like yeah but I didn’t ask you to do that. Miserable, ungrateful dickhead who I’m glad went first.

16. Tom - Everyone referred to him as Big Tom to make him seem like an influential person and somehow this idiot was a fan favourite? On the first night, because Clarence gave Diane some beans, he legit screamed at him, made him apologise to everybody in the tribe, threatened to SHOOT him, and went on about how he’ll forgive, but never forget, and all this was pretty sad to watch. But aside from this, Big Tom is so boring, who’s personality traits are that he is southern, old and big, which last time I checked aren’t personality traits? The fact that I’ve got another season of him too is… something I don’t look forward to.

Edgic

Spoiler:

Overall, this was a very good season! I could be wrong, but people say that this is not a very good season but I enjoyed it a lot and it was really hard to choose between Kelly and Frank but gave it to Frank in the end. Would definitely recommend this season, as well as the other two.