[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Having met my wife online, I'm not going to say online relationships are not real, however they're not QUITE real until you're actually together. That just is what it is. And if she was more interested in talking to other people online than you well ... ... I'd say that's a pretty strong indicator that it was never going to be anything more than some online flirtation.

I'm like 99% sure it's a real relationship now, there are some positive signs so far, like living together for 14 years and having two children. We'll see how it goes from here .

You need to actually meet to see there's physical chemistry there imo

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by parmnion

I suggest you jump in the car and go. Who knows until they try?

I met up with someone from here 10 years ago, we got a hotel for the night and before I knew it my balls were on here chest as she gave them a quick shave.

We spent 10 years living together after that, still friends now, infact shes my rock tbh..


So yeah, get up and go, until then you will never know what could be.

Is it weird that I am more curious about the logistics of this than anything else in the post

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Swan

Just an update on this. Vicky especially, thank you for all the advice. And Vicky you are 100% right in how she is, she's obsessed with this guy, still all over him. I accept this, and im moving on, as from yesterday have gone completely no contact, blocked her everywhere so she can't keep using me as a back up, and stayed away from her social media. I still feel a bit crap, but im feeling much better, and positive it all now

Yeah sounded that way tbh. And glad you are feeling positive too. Recently got 'out' of a kinda similar situation where I think I was being used as a backup by someone WHO ALREADY HAD A GIRLFRIEND TOO and I was getting a little too focussed on him tbh. Was meant to be a friends with benefits type situation but it didn't quite work out that way. Was quite a head****.

All this said, on Friday when he turns up to get wrecked with me when the kids are at Gavins, I imagine things will change again. But who cares really.

(I am aware this post makes me sound a total bitch also)

Edit. Also agree with the attacks on her appearance thing though and think you are better off without each other really.

[parmnion]

Do you moderate whilst wrecked vicky?

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

You need to actually meet to see there's physical chemistry there imo

For sure. I can imagine a situation where I met someone from online and it was all flat as a pancake and its slightly terrifying but exiting at the same time.

Edit. Though no physical chemistry is needed in my imagined situation of course. We are not planning an orgy

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by parmnion

Do you moderate whilst wrecked vicky?

Nope. Barely moderate at all these days but its always been a rule of mine, if under the influence in some way, stay the hell away from the admin side

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

For sure. I can imagine a situation where I met someone from online and it was all flat as a pancake and its slightly terrifying but exiting at the same time.

Edit. Though no physical chemistry is needed in my imagined situation of course. We are not planning an orgy

[Swan]

Basically, i dunno if im looking for advice, still a bit baffled even though things are pretty clear now.

So we went no contact, she reached out a month a go, we've been going back and forth arguing (both don't wanna be with each other anymore, both can't let go). She is with this dude playing online, chatting, whatever almost every waking second they're not working/sleeping. 3 months, every day, 4-12 hours a day. Texting when at work. That's THEM, not me and her.

She wants to be friends with me, i said ok, and of course asked if she was in a relationship with him yet, she say's no, but that they are very close friends. She is at his beck and call 24/7, i know that much. And as most people said before, yeah she really likes him, she admitted that. She does wanna be with him, but wonders (kinda hinting for me to answer) why yes, he's with her all the time, but hasn't made a move yet. She said he's never brought up sex, and is never flirty. She tries to flirt sometimes, he just brushes it off. Also, they met ONCE in person before she went to Hull (where he lives) with her friends, they met for a morning, this was 3 months ago. He's a very, very outgoing person i know that much, and he's good looking, anyone can see that. I told her it was strange, and my honest opinion to her was (and this killed me because i still have feelings for her) that he obviously does like her, he spends so much time online gaming with her, and that maybe he's just taking his time. She just said 'thanks' and we argued more as to why we didn't work out.

Anyway, i dunno, it means nothing to me in the sense that she's admitted she wants to be with him, but is being with someone sometimes 12 hours a day, for 3 months, and NOT making a move too long? Has she been friendzoned? I dunno what to think. He knows she likes and wants him fwiw. I dunno what to tell her because i can only base on how i would act. And i know it's never taken me 3 months, when spending so much time with them, to know if i like them, like that or not. I've always known in the past.

[Niamh.]

Jeez just let it go Swan, far too much drama

[GoldHeart]

Originally Posted by Swan

Basically, i dunno if im looking for advice, still a bit baffled even though things are pretty clear now.

So we went no contact, she reached out a month a go, we've been going back and forth arguing (both don't wanna be with each other anymore, both can't let go). She is with this dude playing online, chatting, whatever almost every waking second they're not working/sleeping. 3 months, every day, 4-12 hours a day. Texting when at work. That's THEM, not me and her.

She wants to be friends with me, i said ok, and of course asked if she was in a relationship with him yet, she say's no, but that they are very close friends. She is at his beck and call 24/7, i know that much. And as most people said before, yeah she really likes him, she admitted that. She does wanna be with him, but wonders (kinda hinting for me to answer) why yes, he's with her all the time, but hasn't made a move yet. She said he's never brought up sex, and is never flirty. She tries to flirt sometimes, he just brushes it off. Also, they met ONCE in person before she went to Hull (where he lives) with her friends, they met for a morning, this was 3 months ago. He's a very, very outgoing person i know that much, and he's good looking, anyone can see that. I told her it was strange, and my honest opinion to her was (and this killed me because i still have feelings for her) that he obviously does like her, he spends so much time online gaming with her, and that maybe he's just taking his time. She just said 'thanks' and we argued more as to why we didn't work out.

Anyway, i dunno, it means nothing to me in the sense that she's admitted she wants to be with him, but is being with someone sometimes 12 hours a day, for 3 months, and NOT making a move too long? Has she been friendzoned? I dunno what to think. He knows she likes and wants him fwiw. I dunno what to tell her because i can only base on how i would act. And i know it's never taken me 3 months, when spending so much time with them, to know if i like them, like that or not. I've always known in the past.

Swan you need to just move on , and you probably won't like this but I think staying 'in contact' or whatever odd dynamic you still have with her is unhealthy . I think it's best to not engage anymore , it's her business what she wants to do with this guy whether they eventually date or not.


There's no point arguing with them , just wish them the best and carry on with your life. I think you got way too invested in this person, and you will never get over them if you continue to hold onto them .



You have an inspiring quote on your sig by Bruce Lee ,I think you should practice it . That's my advice anyway.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by GoldHeart

Swan you need to just move on , and you probably won't like this but I think staying 'in contact' or whatever odd dynamic you still have with her is unhealthy . I think it's best to not engage anymore , it's her business what she wants to do with this guy whether they eventually date or not.


There's no point arguing with them , just wish them the best and carry on with your life. I think you got way too invested in this person, and you will never get over them if you continue to hold onto them .



You have an inspiring quote on your sig by Bruce Lee ,I think you should practice it . That's my advice anyway.

Spot on, all the advice Swan needed was right there in his sig this whole time!

[Cherie]

it sounds like this guy just wants a gaming mate tbh and she is hoping for more, but that is not your problem, your problem is that she is not into you at all and is just using you, so delete her, and move on

[Swan]

Yeah all sound advice, i know you're all right. Thank you. Letting go was a lot harder than i thought, but it really is the only way forward i know.

[Swan]

Boring i know, me and her are just friends now, she's asked me for advice, dunno what to tell her?

4 months, not flirting or move.

Maybe he's taking his time?

Sorry, it's confusing to me. Im not interested in her, we realised we are better ad friends.

I think he's interested, and that's what i tell her.

[Swan]

She was being silly and jokey during a game, and he said "im gonna have to turn your volume down in a min"

Sounds like a wanker.

[glib]

Originally Posted by Swan

She was being silly and jokey during a game, and he said "im gonna have to turn your volume down in a min"

Sounds like a wanker.

That sounds like someone having fun to be honest, not. W*nker

[Swan]

Originally Posted by glib

That sounds like someone having fun to be honest, not. W*nker

Nah, she was being silly and jokey, and HE said he had to turn her down because it was annoying him.

[glib]

Originally Posted by Swan

Nah, she was being silly and jokey, and HE said he had to turn her down because it was annoying him.

Are you sure he didn’t say it in a jokey way like ‘haha had to turn you down you were that loud’

[Swan]

Originally Posted by glib

Are you sure he didn’t say it in a jokey way like ‘haha had to turn you down you were that loud’

Nah he's really 'straight' and she said he said it in a serious tone, and that she was on eggshells after that.

[Swan]

I think he's interested so i tell her that, she's not so sure....
4 months, no flirting or sex and they game together daily.
He messages her a lot.
She is at his beck and call 24/7
But he met hr IRL and since then he's been 'cold' but with her daily gaming (he has nothing else)
I think he'll go for it, don't want her hurt. I did like her, but we were friends before, and are friends now, and she comes to me as a bloke for advice. I dunno what to tell her?
She tries to flirt and he shoots her down, she flirted/made a joke about sex and he said "im trying to talk to you normally"
I dunno, it's all mixed.

[glib]

Originally Posted by Swan

I think he's interested so i tell her that, she's not so sure....
4 months, no flirting or sex and they game together daily.
He messages her a lot.
She is at his beck and call 24/7
But he met hr IRL and since then he's been 'cold' but with her daily gaming (he has nothing else)
I think he'll go for it, don't want her hurt. I did like her, but we were friends before, and are friends now, and she comes to me as a bloke for advice. I dunno what to tell her?
She tries to flirt and he shoots her down, she flirted/made a joke about sex and he said "im trying to talk to you normally"
I dunno, it's all mixed.

A man’s messages may be negative pre-9pm then positive post-9pm

[Swan]

Originally Posted by glib

A man’s messages may be negative pre-9pm then positive post-9pm

Solid advice, very, very solid X

[glib]

Originally Posted by Swan

Solid advice, very, very solid X

youre very welcome, very, very welcome

x

[Vicky.]

This is still ongoing? Cut the ties man. Not that I can really talk on that subject anymore as I am very hung up on some guy who is ghosting me like ****

[rusticgal]

I think you still really like her and can’t let go….but you need to and move on