[Ammi]

Originally Posted by BBXX

What does, saying that toxic masculinity exists?

As a man, some toxic masculinity examples I see regularly from men are:

• not expressing their feelings for fear of shame or mocking

• mocking or shaming men for expressing their feelings

• refusing to pull their weight around the house

• not letting their son play with dolls or wear pink

• consistently not control their anger

• acting like their wife/girlfriend is a weight around their neck in front of their mates

• being uncomfortable around gay men

• believing men should be in financial control in a relationship

• mocking therapy

Now some of these are acted out by women too, so you may ask what makes these examples of toxic masculinity rather than just toxic behaviours, and I think it's the intentions behind them - most of these sorts of actions when acted out by men are because it makes them feel like less of a man. The actions are linked to the maleness, rather than despite it. People who behave like this often define manliness with physical strength, power and a set of binary rules from long ago. and nothing more.

Don't get me wrong, I am an advocate for men, I think there are many things that men are victim to in society that harm them and often these are directly from women. I also think toxic femininity exists, too and can be equally damaging.

…I really like your post/thoughts a lot and it’s provoking lots of thoughts for me so I’ll just take a few bits of it for now, if that’s ok…I’m sure there is mocking and ‘shaming’ of men for expressing their feelings by some but having worked in a primary school environment for most of my working life…?…what I do see is that even in today, there is often still a difference in some of the terminology in a hurt child, for instance…?…and I’m meaning specific to gender…so for instance, there is an inconsolable in that moment child, who is overcome by a physical injury they’ve incurred…?…both children of the same age with the same injury so we could say that two pains are equal and both children requiring equal comfort while their injuries are being assessed etc…?…(…I’ve often found…)…that the terminology for a boy child…(…from some adults because not one size fits all, obviously…)… would/will lean more toward being brave and how amazing they are for being so brave etc…?…whereas with a girl child, the language and terms are just soothing in a different way with no mention of bravery, you know…?…just an understanding of those tears and that feeling of being overwhelmed …I don’t know if I’m explaining this well…but there is a ‘conditioning’ that still happens …it’s often very subtle at a young age but it’s still there…

…anyway, just a thought/observation, if you like that was provoked by your own thoughts…