[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Ahh you're so lovely.

Yes what happened was that after my mum died I had a breakdown and was admitted to the mental health ward for 6 months. The council put my son into a flat on his own. At just 17 years of age. It's no wonder he felt abandoned. Lost his nan traumatically ( he was with me when we found her body) and then lost his home and his mum. Very sad circumstances. I don't blame my son for cutting ties. I just hope one day he gets in touch. X

…it was all so much for him to process as well, as you say..he was with you and that’s a traumatic time that he still might not have processed or processed his grief over losing his grandmother…he may have blocked so much emotionally and that might have manifested in not being able to see you …I would say that he may have his own ‘battles’ and things to face as a first step …but that’s something/a place that he’ll have to get to himself…

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Such a sad story, as parents we all make mistakes and have missteps, have you ever written to him Kate?

Originally Posted by Ammi

…it was all so much for him to process as well, as you say..he was with you and that’s a traumatic time that he still might not have processed or processed his grief over losing his grandmother…he may have blocked so much emotionally and that might have manifested in not being able to see you …I would say that he may have his own ‘battles’ and things to face as a first step …but that’s something/a place that he’ll have to get to himself…

Cherie ... I don't have any contact details to be able to write to him. The only tiny bit of access I have is that he now no longer blocks me on Facebook which is a recent thing so I was able to congratulate him not long ago on the wedding and give him my phone number. I didn't get a reply but I'm feeling a lot more positive again today. One day we may be reunited. X

Ammi .. yes you are correct and also on top of all that I was often very depressed whilst bringing him up despite medication. I can trace it all back to the abusive relationship with his dad and then the pressures of being a single parent, and having to do things such as breaking the news to Josh that his dad was in prison for life. So when you factor all that into the equation, when he lost me, he'd lost everyone! I was on the mental health ward for 6 months. All this probably is why he ghosted me. And when I moved in with Karl, I think that was a big deal for him as well, I moved to a different town. I think he felt second best and I didn't get a chance to reassure him.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Cherie ... I don't have any contact details to be able to write to him. The only tiny bit of access I have is that he now no longer blocks me on Facebook which is a recent thing so I was able to congratulate him not long ago on the wedding and give him my phone number. I didn't get a reply but I'm feeling a lot more positive again today. One day we may be reunited. X

Ammi .. yes you are correct and also on top of all that I was often very depressed whilst bringing him up despite medication. I can trace it all back to the abusive relationship with his dad and then the pressures of being a single parent, and having to do things such as breaking the news to Josh that his dad was in prison for life. So when you factor all that into the equation, when he lost me, he'd lost everyone! I was on the mental health ward for 6 months. All this probably is why he ghosted me. And when I moved in with Karl, I think that was a big deal for him as well, I moved to a different town. I think he felt second best and I didn't get a chance to reassure him.

…’blocking’ and distancing himself is how he’s coped, it sounds like…and obviously you coped in how you were able to …but all in all, a huge trauma for both of you and one that neither of you had/have really processed to be able to come come together in your grief…as difficult as it is for you, and I know that it can feel overwhelming at times…the best ‘step’ you can take to try to find any future path back to Josh is to process it all yourself and as James said, some ‘self healing’….and obviously it’ll still be an uncertain path because there is so much that you both have to bring to the surface and he would have to be ready for that as well as you would….

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…’blocking’ and distancing himself is how he’s coped, it sounds like…and obviously you coped in how you were able to …but all in all, a huge trauma for both of you and one that neither of you had/have really processed to be able to come come together in your grief…as difficult as it is for you, and I know that it can feel overwhelming at times…the best ‘step’ you can take to try to find any future path back to Josh is to process it all yourself and as James said, some ‘self healing’….and obviously it’ll still be an uncertain path because there is so much that you both have to bring to the surface and he would have to be ready for that as well as you would….

Wonderful words

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Cherie ... I don't have any contact details to be able to write to him. The only tiny bit of access I have is that he now no longer blocks me on Facebook which is a recent thing so I was able to congratulate him not long ago on the wedding and give him my phone number. I didn't get a reply but I'm feeling a lot more positive again today. One day we may be reunited. X

Ammi .. yes you are correct and also on top of all that I was often very depressed whilst bringing him up despite medication. I can trace it all back to the abusive relationship with his dad and then the pressures of being a single parent, and having to do things such as breaking the news to Josh that his dad was in prison for life. So when you factor all that into the equation, when he lost me, he'd lost everyone! I was on the mental health ward for 6 months. All this probably is why he ghosted me. And when I moved in with Karl, I think that was a big deal for him as well, I moved to a different town. I think he felt second best and I didn't get a chance to reassure him.

How much old was Josh when you moved in with Karl?

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

How much old was Josh when you moved in with Karl?

18.

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by Kate!

18.

And was part of this dealing with your trauma?

To escape? To cope with the loss of your Mum? Your Nan?

It's good that you can identify why he would feel abandoned.

You chose your new partner over him when he needed you most and at such a young age. ....BUT that's how you dealt with your trauma....and we all make mistakes.

I'm glad that he has no longer blocked you off Facebook. This is probably his way of slowly allowing you back it into his life, but he's just not quite ready to engage. He has a lot of barriers up, but he's made the first step.

Onwards and upwards Kate x

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

And was part of this dealing with your trauma?

To escape? To cope with the loss of your Mum? Your Nan?

It's good that you can identify why he would feel abandoned.

You chose your new partner over him when he needed you most and at such a young age. ....BUT that's how you dealt with your trauma....and we all make mistakes.

I'm glad that he has no longer blocked you off Facebook. This is probably his way of slowly allowing you back it into his life, but he's just not quite ready to engage. He has a lot of barriers up, but he's made the first step.

Onwards and upwards Kate x

Thanks Thomas. The bolded bit.....yes maybe in retrospect but I did consult him before I committed to the move and he said if I was happy and secure then it was fine by him otherwise I'd have reconsidered I think. I do see your point. Xx

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Thanks Thomas. The bolded bit.....yes maybe in retrospect but I did consult him before I committed to the move and he said if I was happy and secure then it was fine by him otherwise I'd have reconsidered I think. I do see your point. Xx

Maybe he wasn't being entirely honest with you at that time considering all that had gone on up until that point. X