[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Cherie ... I don't have any contact details to be able to write to him. The only tiny bit of access I have is that he now no longer blocks me on Facebook which is a recent thing so I was able to congratulate him not long ago on the wedding and give him my phone number. I didn't get a reply but I'm feeling a lot more positive again today. One day we may be reunited. X

Ammi .. yes you are correct and also on top of all that I was often very depressed whilst bringing him up despite medication. I can trace it all back to the abusive relationship with his dad and then the pressures of being a single parent, and having to do things such as breaking the news to Josh that his dad was in prison for life. So when you factor all that into the equation, when he lost me, he'd lost everyone! I was on the mental health ward for 6 months. All this probably is why he ghosted me. And when I moved in with Karl, I think that was a big deal for him as well, I moved to a different town. I think he felt second best and I didn't get a chance to reassure him.

…’blocking’ and distancing himself is how he’s coped, it sounds like…and obviously you coped in how you were able to …but all in all, a huge trauma for both of you and one that neither of you had/have really processed to be able to come come together in your grief…as difficult as it is for you, and I know that it can feel overwhelming at times…the best ‘step’ you can take to try to find any future path back to Josh is to process it all yourself and as James said, some ‘self healing’….and obviously it’ll still be an uncertain path because there is so much that you both have to bring to the surface and he would have to be ready for that as well as you would….