[Redway]

Originally Posted by Ithinkiloveyoutoo

I agree. I am not going to pretend I have not fallen into this pattern myself but now that I am older I am really trying to be careful not to gossip and not to entertain gossip coming from someone else.

The trouble is the line between sharing each others burdens and gossip which is not always easy to determine

For me, the line is spreading rumours (especially about people you barely know) or really doing the dirty on someone’s dignity by broadcasting things from the rooftops, windows wide-open, about stuff that should really be kept more personal. It’s fine to talk negatively about people when you have a reason not to like them (especially if it’s based on actual experience with them). That’s fine. We all do it. Not everyone’s gonna be in our good books, nor should they be. A bit of tea to boot, also okay. But my issue is when it triangulates and spreads like wildfire, especially when the person’s relatively quiet and the type to mind their own business (in which case, why not mind your own business back?), or it concerns things that just should not be broadcast on Zoom-loudspeaker for everyone to hear, and unfortunately there are a lot of avenues that lead to that. People who blatantly and unmistakably put themselves out there are asking for that kind of gossip but people who are just in the corner minding they business and tryna get on with life? Not good. Also not comfortable with how the toxic kind of gossip (smear-campaigning, unnecessary rumours, blatantly disregarding the need for discretion and maintaining people’s personal dignity when they’re not asking for trouble) maps onto narcissism, or at the very least severe interpersonal toxicity. It’s very unhealthy. I avoid people like that like the plague, but, again, I’m not talking about normal sharing the teas, normal conversation about other people and just talking negatively about people you don’t like. That’s fine. It’s the kind of toxic gossip I’m talking about. For me, it’s not so much about what you say about someone as it is how loudly you say it and how many people you say it to unnecessarily. People have the right to say whatever they like behind (relatively) closed doors but stereotypical gossips, by their very nature, are the least discreet about it. Like I say, they do it with the windows wide open, pass the rumour-mill onto anyone with ears (including people who have never even met the gossipee), shout it from the rooftops, smear-campaign a perfectly-good person just out of jealousy or lack of conversational boundaries. That’s where the problem is for me. It’s frightening to think that some of those people work for the likes of the NHS.