[Ammi]

..but LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..yeah...and I read Jesus' poem but am totally speechless to post atm...

Oh wow, it's really, really good

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Oh wow, it's really, really good

..ahh thank you...

[Stu]

Morning pirates,
are going to take my soul away
Morning pirates,
going to take me to sea today

And as my angel watches,
I start to walk the plank
Morning pirates,
are going to kill us when we sleep in

You said you were brave
but I knew to think again
Whose the glam queen,
in bed with the dirt king?

What happened to dreaming
or Love All The People
choking on aerosol
soiling the bed

The ways in which we roll,
sing sorrow from the grave
We lie in wait for our surprise
Speaks To Self :
"can you open your eyes"

[Lee.]

Originally Posted by Jesus.

The ballad of Lee & Dave

Of all forum members that use Tea Eye Bee Bee
There are none with a mouth as foul as she
With a tongue sharp enough to kill or to hunt
Never misses an opportunity to call me a ******.

Her days of toilet 3somes will soon disappear
And STI’s dripping down her thighs like tears
to only one man she will make humanist pledges
No more sucking off strangers for Benson & Hedges

With more jimmies than LK could ever be rustlin’
Shouting at her kids “did you take a sh**e? That’s ******ing disgustin’”
Although everyman in Scotland has ridden this bike
It’s now time for them to all take a hike.

An Englishman is better – don’t let Dave settle for this
A Scottish scag head that’s always on the piss
Now I don’t want to raise an alarm
But the reason she’s shy to get out her arms
Is nothing to do with those bingo wings
It’s the giveaway needle marks – those little black rings
But all those dealers needed to be serviced
This is why she’s got more of a guesthouse than a cervix

So now we get to the crux of the matter
She needs someone as she gets older and fatter
Someone to wheel her between the kettle and the fridge
And change that monthly towel in her ungroomed ridge

There’s only one item that’s still outstanding
jus primae noctis – that wedding night pounding
I suggest a TIBB raffle – we could all buy a ticket
The prize? A sloppy, disease-laden wicket.

Although this poem, is dodgy in theme
I’m sure she’ll appreciate it when she moves to the scheme
If she’s ever single, and finds herself love-starvin’
She can pop next door, and snuggle with Marvin

But to them both, I wish only love and laughter
Not just in this life, but eternal hereafter
She really is a hell of a catch
If you don’t mind a girl with a cavernous snatch

Your opinion of me is heartwarming.

Originally Posted by Lee.

Your opinion of me is heartwarming.

I was being kind as you're getting married. I didn't want to write down what I really think.

[Niamh.]

You should get one of the kids to read it out at the wedding Lee

Originally Posted by Niamh.

You should get one of the kids to read it out at the wedding Lee

She'd be doing that wave at your eyes thing that x-factor contestants do, as it would be too emotional.

[AnnieK]

It should definitely be in the Best Man's speech

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Jesus.

She'd be doing that wave at your eyes thing that x-factor contestants do, as it would be too emotional.

[Z]

Originally Posted by Jesus.

The ballad of Lee & Dave

Of all forum members that use Tea Eye Bee Bee
There are none with a mouth as foul as she
With a tongue sharp enough to kill or to hunt
Never misses an opportunity to call me a ******.

Her days of toilet 3somes will soon disappear
And STI’s dripping down her thighs like tears
to only one man she will make humanist pledges
No more sucking off strangers for Benson & Hedges

With more jimmies than LK could ever be rustlin’
Shouting at her kids “did you take a sh**e? That’s ******ing disgustin’”
Although everyman in Scotland has ridden this bike
It’s now time for them to all take a hike.

An Englishman is better – don’t let Dave settle for this
A Scottish scag head that’s always on the piss
Now I don’t want to raise an alarm
But the reason she’s shy to get out her arms
Is nothing to do with those bingo wings
It’s the giveaway needle marks – those little black rings
But all those dealers needed to be serviced
This is why she’s got more of a guesthouse than a cervix

So now we get to the crux of the matter
She needs someone as she gets older and fatter
Someone to wheel her between the kettle and the fridge
And change that monthly towel in her ungroomed ridge

There’s only one item that’s still outstanding
jus primae noctis – that wedding night pounding
I suggest a TIBB raffle – we could all buy a ticket
The prize? A sloppy, disease-laden wicket.

Although this poem, is dodgy in theme
I’m sure she’ll appreciate it when she moves to the scheme
If she’s ever single, and finds herself love-starvin’
She can pop next door, and snuggle with Marvin

But to them both, I wish only love and laughter
Not just in this life, but eternal hereafter
She really is a hell of a catch
If you don’t mind a girl with a cavernous snatch

I'M CRYING!!!

[Ammi]

..and this is one of the reasons why the man was voted Most Loved..because he's very occasionally, mildly funny...

[Lee.]

Very mildly...

[Glenn.]

Omg that was amazing

[King Gizzard]

Youtube video

[Ammi]

..that's actually very good...


who would have thought Nathan
would be the defender of dough bakin'
and become so upset
about le poor baguette...



..maybe I'm being dumb because I don't know anything about computer recording devices/noises they make... but were you clipping your nails through that..that just seems so random....

[GypsyGoth]

This is my latest creation and I call it Coffee!!!

Coffee here coffee there
Coffee ****ing everywhere!!!!

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by GypsyGoth

This is my latest creation and I call it Coffee!!!

Coffee here coffee there
Coffee ****ing everywhere!!!!

......incredible....I love you GG...

[Ammi]

..can I have a decaf please..?..

[King Gizzard]

I like how you channelled the side effects of coffee in that poem what a great poem there well done

[GypsyGoth]

Thank you both


I was making coffee at the time I thought of it.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by GypsyGoth

Thank you both


I was making coffee at the time I thought of it.

..it's the simple/little things that are most inspirational...that coffee brought the poet out from inside you...

[Stu]

'Scream Of Consciousness'


Now is all you have
Cosmogyral, starlight through vanity
A Selection For Societal Sanity
Find what you love and let it kill you
The fundamental craving of the human spirit
A desire to transcend the survival biased filter of perception
The bars of a cognitive prision
And I'll burn my house down to make a loaf of bread
Again and again
Until it's time

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Stu

'Scream Of Consciousness'


Now is all you have
Cosmogyral, starlight through vanity
A Selection For Societal Sanity
Find what you love and let it kill you
The fundamental craving of the human spirit
A desire to transcend the survival biased filter of perception
The bars of a cognitive prision
And I'll burn my house down to make a loaf of bread
Again and again
Until it's time

..WOW...

'Find what you love and let it kill you'

[Stu]

Stolen from Charles Bukowski, whom I have a mental obsession with.

I had the phrase in my head all weekend. I was reminded of it when I thought of how weird it is where you overcome all short term hurdles and find that you are in such a positive light that it can seem forbiddingly overwhelming in a "surely it can't be this good" slightly jagged, arrogant way. What you love could kill you etc. Not sure how to express it.

And I really, really want to do ideas around a freelove proto expressionism society gone horribly wrong. The idea of freedom pushed so far that if you are not deemed free enough you're out. Some tragically ironic, totalitarian "you must make art or you're useless" society. I'm sure the idea has been put into books and stuff before but I've never heard it. That's where Selection For Societal Sanity comes from. I'd love to do something with that title.