[Ammi]

....have you ever considered being a Foster Parent..or would you..?...


..or if your parents were thinking about it, how would you feel..?...especially as there are most often behavioural issues etc....

[AnnieK]

I would love to do it but I don't think I could emotion wise. There is a lady at one of Matthews playgrounds and she fostered twin boys when they were 3 weeks old and she had them until they were adopted at two, then she got a brother and sister who had been badly physically abused and the older one (3) had awful behavioural issues, didn't talk and was quite violent...she managed to turn her around and she was becoming a lovely little girl when they were moved to the other side of the country. The lady decided then that she just couldn't do it again and it was too heartbreaking when they left and so now child minds.

[Ammi]

..the hardest/most heart wrenching thing to see, Annie is when there are several siblings..or maybe even two...and they can't be adopted as a family and are separated...sometimes it's the best feeling to see foster children adopted ..and sometimes it isn't..bittersweet....

[mizzy25]

no I don't particularly like kids lol

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by mizzy25

no I don't particularly like kids lol

awww Mizzy how did you not make the top 50 in ML? :'(

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by mizzy25

no I don't particularly like kids lol

I voted you in ML Miz

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

I voted you in ML Miz

I did too

[Cherie]

[QUOTE=Niazareth;6537308]I did too [/QUOTE

good taste

[Cherie]

[QUOTE=Niazareth;6537308]I did too [/QUOTE

good taste

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

good taste

I know

[Kizzy]

I did too...

I really wish I had it in me to foster vulnerable children, I just don't think I'm strong enough emotionally.

[Josy]

Yeah I would do it.

My parents done it many years ago and then they adopted after that.

[Livia]

No I wouldn't consider being a foster parent. I'm not made of the right stuff for that, but I'm very glad there are people who are.

[Lee.]

No I wouldn't.. I have complete admiration for those who do, but I feel bringing children with possible behavioural problems into my home may have a detrimental effect on my own children, plus they would need a lot if attention, meaning my own would possibly feel they weren't getting the same.

[smudgie]

So did I.


Something I always wanted to do, from being a teenager really.

Hubby did not want to do it until our own two were grown up and by then I had health issues.

[Black Dagger]

I want to have kids when I'm older, and would hope that who I'm with, would want to as well, so yes, I could.

[mizzy25]

Originally Posted by Niazareth

awww Mizzy how did you not make the top 50 in ML? :'(

#what is ml?

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by mizzy25

#what is ml?

Most Loved

[Toy Soldier]

We've discussed the idea of fostering older kids (13 - 17) when we're older, but not until our own kids have grown up and moved out. My sister in law is a bit younger than us (just turned 18) and has had a lot of friends from troubled homes, in and out of foster care, and so many of them are really bright, polite kids when they're given a chance... and the support they get makes all the difference. The ones who are placed with people who are really willing and able to help them along - and respect them and treat them like adults - can really excell, whereas the ones who aren't lucky enough to find someone who really cares (FAR too many people foster teens for the money and just provide a room and leave them to it) inevitably end up sliding further and further downhill.

Anyway, I think we could definitely help such kids figure out what they want from life and take those steps towards independence and it would be really rewarding when it works out. With older kids too, if they do go back home you can still tell them that you're there if they need help or advice, or if they need to leave their home again for any reason. You can have a more equal relationship based on supporting them as individuals, I guess.

I could never foster a younger child. A lot of the time, they end up going back home, to homes that are still awful, and parents who ate still just going to wreck them. It would break my heart to get to know and care for a young child and then watch them go back to that.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

We've discussed the idea of fostering older kids (13 - 17) when we're older, but not until our own kids have grown up and moved out. My sister in law is a bit younger than us (just turned 18) and has had a lot of friends from troubled homes, in and out of foster care, and so many of them are really bright, polite kids when they're given a chance... and the support they get makes all the difference. The ones who are placed with people who are really willing and able to help them along - and respect them and treat them like adults - can really excell, whereas the ones who aren't lucky enough to find someone who really cares (FAR too many people foster teens for the money and just provide a room and leave them to it) inevitably end up sliding further and further downhill.

Anyway, I think we could definitely help such kids figure out what they want from life and take those steps towards independence and it would be really rewarding when it works out. With older kids too, if they do go back home you can still tell them that you're there if they need help or advice, or if they need to leave their home again for any reason. You can have a more equal relationship based on supporting them as individuals, I guess.

I could never foster a younger child. A lot of the time, they end up going back home, to homes that are still awful, and parents who ate still just going to wreck them. It would break my heart to get to know and care for a young child and then watch them go back to that.

That would be soul destroying, I know I couldn't handle that emotionally

[Z]

Like Toy Soldier I think I would gladly be a foster parent to teenagers, as long as I didn't have any children of my own or my children had all grown up and left home. I wouldn't want there to be any sense of "competition" or anything and I think you could really help a teenager go on to lead a normal adult life and ultimately be friends for life and provide them with a lot more than you could for a baby or toddler. It's a crying shame how the foster care/adoption system works, seeing children be split up from siblings and being moved from place to place with no stability... I'd want to help people who are old enough to help themselves.

I've always admired people who foster children... ignoring people doing it for the money, I think it's a very admirable thing to do and it must take a lot of emotional strength to do it.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by The baby Zeesus

Like Toy Soldier I think I would gladly be a foster parent to teenagers, as long as I didn't have any children of my own or my children had all grown up and left home. I wouldn't want there to be any sense of "competition" or anything and I think you could really help a teenager go on to lead a normal adult life and ultimately be friends for life and provide them with a lot more than you could for a baby or toddler. It's a crying shame how the foster care/adoption system works, seeing children be split up from siblings and being moved from place to place with no stability... I'd want to help people who are old enough to help themselves.

I've always admired people who foster children... ignoring people doing it for the money, I think it's a very admirable thing to do and it must take a lot of emotional strength to do it.

..I don't think it's always a flaw in the system though, but more finding families who are willing to adopt all the siblings, which they do obviously try to do first but if it's an option of the children spending their lives up until adulthood in foster care or finding families who will adopt them separately, then, they'll obviously look at that as well...and every child is different/needs are different and it's also specific to their 'damage' from their pasts...I know a child who had four siblings but it was best for her to be an 'only' child and also to have a single parent as well..it's sad when families are separated but I think the system does the best that it can...

[Kazanne]

Yes,We've considered it as I was adopted myself,I think my kids are too young yet and need my attention,but I would certainly go for it when mine are older.

[MTVN]

Christ no

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by TinselBalls

Yes,We've considered it as I was adopted myself,I think my kids are too young yet and need my attention,but I would certainly go for it when mine are older.

Yeah, I don't think fostering in a house which already has children is ever a good idea, really, which is why if we were ever to consider it, it'll be after ours have left home. Or at least, are old enough to leave home...

They can live with us for as long as they need to, but once they're adults it'll be their choice to stay or find their own place... before then, I don't think it's fair to foster, because it's involving people who don't have any say in the matter, and they would obviously be taking on a lot of the strain and challenge too... e.g. what if they don't get on with a foster child who may well be troubled? It's not fair on them to have them stay... but then, it's not fair on a foster child to take them in and then send them packing because of a conflict like that (just reinforces that they're not wanted / not as important as someone's "real child"... could be very damaging). And the flipside - what if they DO get on well and become good friends, even think of each other as siblings, only for the foster child to be removed to go back to their own family? Enough of an emotional challenge for a fostering adult to face... for a child or even a teenager it would be a lot to ask them to take on. And finally, I guess I just think that a foster child is going to need a lot of EXTRA attention to get them on track, much more than a child who has always has a happy home, and so it wouldn't be possible to be fully effective as a foster carer with big distractions like biological children.


Would add though that all of those concerns are based on the foster system - I don't think the problems are the same with outright adoption. An adopted child can be taken in fully as a family member on a par with any other, and there isn't the consideration of them suddenly being "taken back" to live somewhere else.

Adoption really is one of the most selfless things a person can do, IMO. There isn't the financial incentive that there is with fostering (someone fostering 3 kids will have a tax free income of over £30,000... and even just 2 kids is over £25,000. It's a full time job with not bad pay, basically) and it's a lifelong commitment to a child who might otherwise spend their life in a system that... isn't really great. Unfortunately, whilst healthy newborn babies up for adoption are usually snapped up instantly by childless couples, not as many people are interested in adopting children over the age of about 12 to 18 months, and once they hit around 3 they're likely to be in the system for life . Not many people willing to take on an older child who probably has emotional issues from being in care...