[user104658]

Originally Posted by TinselBalls

Yes,We've considered it as I was adopted myself,I think my kids are too young yet and need my attention,but I would certainly go for it when mine are older.

Yeah, I don't think fostering in a house which already has children is ever a good idea, really, which is why if we were ever to consider it, it'll be after ours have left home. Or at least, are old enough to leave home...

They can live with us for as long as they need to, but once they're adults it'll be their choice to stay or find their own place... before then, I don't think it's fair to foster, because it's involving people who don't have any say in the matter, and they would obviously be taking on a lot of the strain and challenge too... e.g. what if they don't get on with a foster child who may well be troubled? It's not fair on them to have them stay... but then, it's not fair on a foster child to take them in and then send them packing because of a conflict like that (just reinforces that they're not wanted / not as important as someone's "real child"... could be very damaging). And the flipside - what if they DO get on well and become good friends, even think of each other as siblings, only for the foster child to be removed to go back to their own family? Enough of an emotional challenge for a fostering adult to face... for a child or even a teenager it would be a lot to ask them to take on. And finally, I guess I just think that a foster child is going to need a lot of EXTRA attention to get them on track, much more than a child who has always has a happy home, and so it wouldn't be possible to be fully effective as a foster carer with big distractions like biological children.


Would add though that all of those concerns are based on the foster system - I don't think the problems are the same with outright adoption. An adopted child can be taken in fully as a family member on a par with any other, and there isn't the consideration of them suddenly being "taken back" to live somewhere else.

Adoption really is one of the most selfless things a person can do, IMO. There isn't the financial incentive that there is with fostering (someone fostering 3 kids will have a tax free income of over £30,000... and even just 2 kids is over £25,000. It's a full time job with not bad pay, basically) and it's a lifelong commitment to a child who might otherwise spend their life in a system that... isn't really great. Unfortunately, whilst healthy newborn babies up for adoption are usually snapped up instantly by childless couples, not as many people are interested in adopting children over the age of about 12 to 18 months, and once they hit around 3 they're likely to be in the system for life . Not many people willing to take on an older child who probably has emotional issues from being in care...