[jet]

Originally Posted by Seraphim

It's not obvious to me. He's kept a lid on his anger on BB, and is well able to handle aggro from other people in a variety of ways: ignoring it; walking away; firing a snappy retort, etc. The papers aren't full of his victims coming forward and telling tales, now he's on BB. There's a news story from a marriage which ended 25 years ago and nothing since: no assault charges; no wife beating allegations; no court cases; no candid camera shots of him caught red-handed with his fist raised.

As far as I can see, there are two possibilities:

1. He's grown up/changed/got a handle on his drinking and emotions.
2. I've missed something in the papers.

Walking away and ignoring anger is not the best way to deal with it as the anger becomes bottled up. Sooner or later the person will explode, do something inappropriate or once again turn to drink or drugs to cope with destructive emotions.

A violent man who has beaten his wife, threatened to beat up someone inappropriately (as in the case of Linda's husband - what happened to the law dealing with theft?) and still uses violent words as a way to deal with situations can curb his instincts to use his fists and if so that is a good thing - but can that instinct really ever 'go away'? No - because Jim now uses passive - aggressiveness to deal with situations and that is a classic switch -over coping mechanism.

He could have taken Linda aside and asked for a quiet word. He could have asked her what the problem was in a non - angry, quiet way and listened to her answer without interrupting. She would have got it off her chest and he would feel good for doing the right thing.Then they could perhaps have been able to move on.

Walking away, ignoring her, sniping back at her and interrupting her (all classic passive - aggressive behaviour) only made the frustration in Linda worse and the vicious circle continued. There is only one way then it could have come to a head - Jim losing his cool and slipping up and that is indeed what happened.