[kirklancaster]

A true story. (or maybe not )

Ronnie is a patient in a Lunatic Asylum. He's been committed because he suffers from an obsession with hand held catapults. He's been arrested dozens of times for breaking into toy shops and stealing them, and for firing dried peas from them at passers by among other things. The Courts finally lost patience and committed him 10 years ago.

It's Ronnie's annual Assessment Hearing where he is interviewed to see if he is now fit to be released into general society, and Ronnie sits in front of the panel.

The Chairman says: "Ronnie, if we let you out tomorrow, what would you do?"

Ronnie relpies: "Ooh. I'd go straight out and buy meself a catapult."

Needless to say, Ronnie fails to be released.

A year later Ronnie gives the board the same answer and fails again.

This goes on for five more years and the morning of his next hearing, the Asylum Padre visits Ronnie in his cell to advise him.

"Ronnie" the padre says" You're never going to be released if you keep ranting on about catapults. You've got to wise up. Tell them you want to do normal things".

"Like what?" asks Ronnie.

"Like meeting a girl, getting married. Raising a family - that sort of thing".

The padre coaches Ronnie for a full 2 hours then it's time for his assessment. Ronnie sits in front of the panel. The Chairman asks him: "Ronnie, if we let you out tomorrow, what's the first thing you'd do?"

"Oh" Ronnie answers. " I'd go buy a new suit and go out to a disco or something - you know, and meet a girl hopefully".

The Board look at each other in surprise. "Go on Ronnie. If you did meet a girl, then what would you do?"

Ronnie says: "I'd kiss her. Then I'd take her down lover's Lane."

"Yes, then what?" said the Chairman.

Ronnie goes on: "Well... I'd lay her down on the grass"

"Go on." Says the Chairman.

"Well" Says Ronnie. "Then I'd take her skirt off."

"Yes" Says the Chairman.

Ronnie goes on: "Then... I'd take her knickers off"

"Then what would you do?" Asks the Chairman.

Ronnie says: "Then... Then... Then I'd take the elastic out of them and make a catapult."
......................................

TAXI!