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Wenger quits to become tortoise


ARSENAL manager Arsene Wenger has given up football in order to become a tortoise, it has emerged.

The Frenchman made the announcement in an airing cupboard at the Gunners’ London Colney training ground: “Football is too much hurly burly and the weather does not suit me. I have long called for a winter break.

“Now I am going to have one, in a nice box filled with fresh straw. Over time I will grow a shell and my hands will become paw-like scaly things with little claws.

“Please remember to leave me water and food in case I wake up early. We don’t want a repeat of that horrible business with Frida off of Blue Peter.”

Frenchman has become increasingly slow-moving in recent years, and more prone to falling asleep under heat lamps and trying to mount lumps of tree bark.

The last football manager who quit and become a tortoise was former Aston Villa boss Ron Saunders in 1987. However Saunders was unavailable for comment due to being in the middle of having his name painted on his shell.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/...20160302106756