[Ammi]

Originally Posted by TT350

I'm actually in exactly the same boat.

My friends are always 'busy' or have young children. I have zero social life. I'm in my mid 30's where, everyone is settled, has a career 9-5 and come home and see to the kids. So it makes it hard for me to make friends as peoe by my age have a set life and complete set of mates and aren't recruiting new members for friendship.

I've been really lonely since my best mate became a Mormon and moved to Canada and married.

Before that though I too was always the one running behind playing catch up going "hey! Wait for me! Can I come, too?!" and always the one who didn't get invited and people would be like "oh, err, yeah was last minute so, ya know - didn't have time to let you know"

I'm not sure why. I've adjusted my personality so many times to make myself more likeable or just have that 'thing' that makes people like you. Tried being full on. Tried being cool. Everything.

I think one thing is, I don't really do small talk. And I think with British men, that's a no no. You don't talk about meaningful things. You talk about football (which I hate) and 'birds' and beer. Never ever lower the tone with feelings or thoughts on life.

I actually get on a lot better with women. Because they CAN have an impromptu in depth conversation about life.

I don't really believe in auras but there's definitely a vibe that people carry with them.

My friend, Dave, is this guy who just sails through life. Nothing ever goes wrong for him. No one dislikes him. Everyone turns to him for help.

And he never once arranges anything. He doesn't have to. He's inundated with offers and requests of his presence.

He does have an 'aura'.

Him and all his friends were away this weekend in Anglesey.

Chin up mate. You're not alone.

...hmmm, I don't know..I think that maybe the aura that Dave has is that he's confident in who he is and being who he is/in being himself...I don't think it works, trying to be something or someone that we aren't because it's never going to make us happy to try or feel as though we're being true to ourselves...and that maybe makes it harder to 'fit' anyway, harder for people to get to know us etc and talk on deeper levels because it would give off a confusion of our personality or mask it...which wouldn't be condusive to deeper friendships...don't adjust who you are because you don't need to..you're perfectly fine just as you are...but not everyone 'fits' with us and our personalities... there will though be people/friends who do for all of us and those people are different for all of us...and those people are the ones who will just fit perfectly without any changes feeling necessary...indeed, they wouldn't want us to change at all....not one bit....